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Thread: !!Rant/fessin' up!!

  1. #11
    Distinguished Community Member houghchrst's Avatar
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    Jo I love you so much. I wish I could see you. I miss you terribly.

    Sue thank you for the ideas, I had a neuro but he was more into writing scrips than anything. I stopped seeing him and now my primary treats my migraines with the same medication. I have developed heart palpitations here within the last week also.

    Yesterday I stood at the edge and looked down. I stared into the black hole for a long time. I don't think I intended to jump in but ..... I don't know....I didn't anyway. I am sure I should be in the hospital ward, considered driving right there as soon as I was on the road yesterday. I have come clean with my best friend, who unfortunately due to timing came in the middle of it, and CJ and apologized for causing so much pain and fear.

    I see my doc on Tuesday and tell her in more detail than I have been. I don't know why I have been so vague with her.

  2. #12
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    Chris, please let the doc help you. might mean a short hospital stay but like someone mentioned you'd be free to "do nothing" there. will be thinking of you & hoping the meds can get adjusted so you can get on with your life in some kind of peace. ((((hugs))) Pati

  3. #13
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    Christina if you keep feeling as bad as you do when you posted this, please forget about appointments and for sure, waiting until Tuesday! Just go to the hospital. I know you will fess up just how bad whenever you next see someone this time. Not getting the right help unless you do tell how bad it is girl. Everyones loves you to pieces and any one of us will say the same thing that I have GO, don't wait.

  4. #14
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    Hi Christina,

    Please go to the hospital ER and have the Dr. admit you to have some neuro testing done along with neuropsychology testing done. If you are having heart palpatations this can also connect with neuro problems in many ways.
    I know that neuro problems can cause a lot of depression along with the meds a person has to take for neurology problems. You have many friends who care about you so please get to the ER a.s.a.p. My prayers are with you.
    May God Bless You and Be With You!

    Sue

  5. #15
    Distinguished Community Member houghchrst's Avatar
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    one of the main reasons I do not go to the ER is because they are full of doctors who couldn't care less what I tell them when it comes to medication, what is going on with me mentally and physically. What my history is. They will try to force me to try meds I have already tried. I have been on this roller coaster too long. The Saphris I just tried I had to stop because it was only good when it first kicked in. Then it just kept going and going and I felt overdosed. Thank God it didn't last long so I could nap through the worst of it. I have been on almost everything. I was already told that we are about at the end of the list of meds to try. I don't want to be stuck in a hospital feeling like my brain is trying to get out of my head. I see my psych tomorrow night and will take my lists and see what she says. CJ got laid off today so if I need to be hospitalized at least I don't have to worry about Shortcake.

    The picking I am trying to control. I went through the same type of thing with twirling my hair in my sleep, wore silk gloves to bed to help stop that. at this point I will do whatever my psych tells me even if it is going to the hospital. She actually works at my hospital during the day. I am thinking the Saphris may be what was causing the palpitations and it has only been two days since I stopped the 5 mg doses. I am hoping it will stop. I have also stopped smoking the Sativa. As soon as I find out what is going on with me I will switch to Indica and see if it is effective. If it is still an option. I am thinking the high quality Sativa was actuating my already crazy anxiety. It can increase anxiety, not all Sativas do but most. I didn't want the couch lock that Indica is known for. There are options though, hopefully.

    Also I had increased my pain medication. 10 mg Methadone 1-2 times a day. I can't live any kind of life at the pain levels I usually suffer on a daily basis so if I knew I was going to do something I would take it. I stopped that also. Back to only if I am at a 9 and am trying to get things done.
    Before I used it maybe 2-4 times a month. I live in a 6/7 with stabbings and jabbings of 9/10 that if they were to stick around for any length of time I would go to the ER. But they are sneaky, they come and go constantly leaving me in a state of constant recovery. Every step is a 7-9 1/2, okay a 10 but it is the same, stab and run. This is on top of the constant handelbowbackhipkneeanklefoot aches and pains. When I have to take something for pain just to load the dishwasher life gets very exhausting. Walking to the bathroom is excruciating by the time late afternoon rolls around. I am scared to death that by the time spring comes I will be almost incapacitated from lack of exercise. Yes, yes I have things I can do to keep my strength up but I am so sick of the pain and the depression can just be overwhelming. I have no energy. Feel apathetic.

    This past couple months I have been trying to get our yard ready for winter, plant flowers, keep house clean, make sure shortcake and CJ got where they belonged every morning, get them both home, shortcake to therapy for his continued bowel issues, make sure he gets to his allergy shot, B is struggling with a possible possession charge and my inability to do the things I want to do was driving my anger, self loathing, self hate for my body and mind's failure to do any damn thing, and I do mean any damn thing, that I want it to do without causing some kind of glitch. I pay for every thing that I do. Is my yard done, no not really but I am/have to be satisfied that we did our best. I did not get my chickens, I only got half a compost bin unusable at this point lol, my garage never got cleaned out from the move in fact it is now worse than it was when I got it all sorted thanks to my wonderful, kind, loving, patient CJ, which also means I can rarely find something that I need out of there. Every time I ask him to do something it takes foooorrreeevveerrr. I have been fighting with DHS about the lazy arse caseworker I have who has put my case in danger, SSI is dragging their feet, they want an exact spend down of the spending of my inheritance last Oct. and Nov. because they are afraid I might have a couple dollars stashed and I am working on submitting it for the third time. They lost the last one of 13 pages I faxed. Can't find not one. Also I missed my hearing for the ridiculous fraud charges from DHS due to an ex BIL because they mailed it to the old address so since I wasn't there they found me guilty. I sent in an appeal request and haven't heard anything. In the meantime they cut my share of the foodstamps for the household, despite the appeal request and I guess I am considered guilty of some kind of welfare fraud where they don't put you in jail but make the rest of the family pay by going hungry. I have a huge folder full of evidence that it was a simple mistake and never got to defend myself so I am wanting to get that taken care of. I think they are dragging their feet cause they want their "money". Also I am sure you all are aware of the Occupy movement across the world. I knew it was coming and have been waiting so long and ache to be involved. My local group has been kind enough to accept whatever I can offer but it is just depressing. I need to be out there. I don't want this huge historical moment to pass me by.

    I have to be satisfied that it can't all get done how or when I need it to. I cannot do it alone and it is not fair because I am putting not only stress on myself but CJ does almost everything around here and those are extra so I can't reasonably expect those things just cause I am all kinds of anal. Granted he is ADD and puts things off but he has got to be overwhelmed also. Especially with all this employment crap.

    I am at bottom and have to get some things done to make my life easier. I should have come here sooner but it just seems I cry when I come.

    I love and appreciate you all. Thank you.

  6. #16
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    Chris, I found out something interesting this morning on the Today show. Carrie Fisher was on promoting her newest book. then she talked about getting electric shock treatments for her Bi-Polar disoder. said she's tried all the meds. & the shock treatments helped her. (not like the old days when it was a gruesome thing). might ask your doc about it? anything is worth a try!

    sorry about CJ losing his job! that sucks.

    as for the DHS saga. well I know it will come out OK in the end. wish you could get a new caseworker though. losing paperwork sounds like a lame excuse.

    I just so wish all this crap in your life would get overwith & be gone for good!

    try real hard to focus on the positives Chris. we all care ((((hugs)))) Pati

  7. #17
    Distinguished Community Member Jo6's Avatar
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    Oh my Christina, you are such an angel and I want you to FEEL IT!! Try to stop trying to fix the whole world. You gotta save a little for me to solve!!

    If you can cry when you come here and post, then hop on there and post. All during the day and at night. It doesn't have to be hugh, but BT is supposed to be here to help us all. Crying is good for you. It gets rids of the bad chemicals and helps relieve stress.

    If I told you how many times I have walked into a Drs. off and he would say good morning and I would burst out crying and not have a clue why!! I guess some folk would think I was insane, but only the Drs. that just don't know how to treat people like they are human!!

    You aren't insane, you are over stressed, over-worked and trying to carry the whole wide world on your shoulders. Sweetie, those pretty little shoulders aren't there to carry the world, now are they!

    I know it hurts for son to have problems down in Ga. but he will have to work thru that. I tell you Christina, I have been in a spot like that and I couldn't get to son and make it all better. He is still working thru it and he can only come visit his Mom when the probation officer isn't being an a$$hole. That isn't offen either. So you set that one over on the shelf and that don't mean you have forgotten it, he will always be in you heart and you will always be in his. When you are better and stronger you can take that one down and see if you can do anything about it. Sometimes it is only love we can send them. That will hold him and help him get thru this patch.

    I have sat in front of this computer and cried my eyes out so many times I can't count!! Please don't stay away, we are here for you, whenever you need us. I don't have your address since you moved. It you don't mind someone to give it to me I will write you. If you want, send me your tele. # and I promise not to abuse. I will call you only if you ask me.

    As you can see, we are all very concerned about you. I'm not a Dr. and have no idea how to treat you, but even if you go to a hospital you have never been to I'm sure they will know how to treat you if you tell them things you have written here. Scan all the post you have posted and take them with you. You can decide whether you want to share things or not.

    Christina, I ended up in a hospital I had never been a patient out. they kept me 10 days. It's been just over a year and I'm still trying to figure out things that happened , wondering if I had nightmares or if it really happened. I knew none of the Drs. Ken took me there because our family DR. Told him to get me to the nearest hospital to us. My BP was stroke high! Well, I don't know what happened from there. It was 4 or 5 days before I knew I was alive.

    Don't be afraid to go. You can just let your mind rest easy and let them wait on you hand and foot. Do it for Christina. The family will survive. They will miss you of course, but maybe they will see you need attention.

    Talk to Princes. She loves you so too. I'm glad you have her. I know she is worried about you too.

    I love you dearly. My baby sis, Jewel have learned to love you also. She was worried about you. She got all over me about writing you because you were worried about me. I didn't know because I had stopped going to FB. Well, you can stop worrying over me and take care of someone I love dearly, Christina. ((((((My 'lil Queenie))))))

    Julia and because I'm big Queenie you are supposed to mind me, you hear?
    Last edited by Jo6; 11-01-2011 at 03:43 PM.
    Did you ever know that you're my hero and every thing I would like to be I can fly higher than an eagle
    'cause you are the wind beneath my wings

    for my brother Ben

  8. #18
    Distinguished Community Member houghchrst's Avatar
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    I hear ya Big Queenie! Looks like I will be doing day treatment then see how that goes. No clue how long or how soon my psych seems to think ASAP.

    I am scared to death. I don't want them messing with my meds and making me sick then sending then sending me home for the night.

  9. #19
    Distinguished Community Member houghchrst's Avatar
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    Had my intake meeting here today. Lady was very nice. Spent more time talking about pets than anything else lol. So it will be either tomorrow or Friday. Most likely Friday cause Shortcake has an afternoon appt tomorrow.

    CJ got called back to work today. Guess there was a big mistake and he wasn't suppose to be in the group that got let go so a few heads rolled and they called right after my intake lady got here. Thank God. When it comes to his employment I try to push it to the side and not worry so much about it cause I know he will do what he needs to do. DHS has caused me so much stress it is ridiculous. Every day there is something they want, paperwork to fill out repeating the same info they had gotten just weeks ago. I have had to report my caseworker for the third time next I am calling my congressman if I hear nothing from her. They cut off my medical thanks to her so hopefully there will be no problem getting in the clinic.

    Well I no sooner posted this than I got a call, tomorrow morning at 8:00 a.m. LOL. They are directly behind me, I can cut through the little bit of woods to go if I need to. I can practically see the building from my bedroom window.
    Last edited by houghchrst; 11-02-2011 at 03:10 PM. Reason: Update

  10. #20
    Distinguished Community Member Jo6's Avatar
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    Well darling 'lil Queenie, I would say that means NOW! Don't you? Don't be afraid, we will continue to pray for you and love you and look forward to the day YOU have everything settled in your mind.

    Tell the Dr. about your fears concerning your meds. I understand that feeling. Instead of changing everything at once TELL them one at a time. Now you know I'm no Dr., not even a nurse, but if you feel like they aren't listening to you grab that white coat and tell them you mean business. I've had to do that a few times, can you imagine? lol Well it wan't even near funny at the time, at least to me. They did stop and told me to start over and tell them again. So, that's an option, maybe?

    I've been trying to figure out how to help you since last night. Sweetie, if there is anything I can do to help please tell me. The Dr. said ASAP so I would do what she/he said. If you feel you need some in-patient days, tell them. That is something you can do and not spend time worring about, eh?

    The grinch named Fibro has a grip on me that I can not break loose right now. Maybe I need to go spend some time in the freezer.

    I will check back later. Feel the love from all of us and know we are here for you!!

    All my love, Julia aka the Big Queenie.
    Did you ever know that you're my hero and every thing I would like to be I can fly higher than an eagle
    'cause you are the wind beneath my wings

    for my brother Ben

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