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Thread: A hard call

  1. #11
    Distinguished Community Member Ging's Avatar
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    Wow,just read all the ALS. Stories and I can relate so much, the anger,the constant speed up and brake hitting! Is it normal to be (sort of normal ) at times, then days that logic and reason get you no where? I worry about , handling of the money. Yikes ! GING

  2. #12
    Distinguished Community Member tic chick's Avatar
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    welcome ging !

    i'm glad you decided to join us here.

    that's exactly how it is in the beginning stages of alzheimer's. there are days when the person is more or less functioning as they did pre-alz., but you still notice some little things that aren't right.

    then there are days when reason and logic get you nowhere, because the person with alzheimer's starts to lose the ability to think logically. it doesn't help when they forget words or forget what they wanted to say or just ask a question out of the blue when you weren't even talking about it.

    if you are worried about hubby handling money, you have to learn how or start doing it yourself. pay the bills maybe a few days before your hubby would and then just say, "oh, i decided to give you a break and pay the bill's this time". then gradually take over.

    ging, now is the time, if you haven't done so yet, to perhaps talk to an elder care attorney so that you can protect as many assets as you have from the high cost of caring for a person with alzheimer's. you should have the lawyer draw up papers giving you power of attorney over your husband's medical care and over the finance's. that way, you can make decisions without arguing with your husband and trying to use that logic which he won't be able to follow.

    i don't know if your hubby knows he has alzheimer's. if he does, then it might be easier to go to a lawyer and tell hubby you just need to be able to do things for him if he is having a bad day. it's a devastating diagnosis and being prepared and having the ability to make decisions is going to let you concentrate more on being with your husband and supporting him, rather than arguing about his medical care and finances.

    my mom already had moderate alzheimer's when i asked her to sign those papers giving me power of medical attorney over her health care and my brother power of attorney over her finances. i just told her i wanted to have the power to take care of her if something happened with her heart (she has heart probs, too) and she would need surgery and if they wanted to do something during surgery while she was under anesthesia, that i could make the best decision for her.

    it does seem daunting....

    i wish you the greatest hope for stength in dealing with your husband's journey.

    yes, we all have many of the same probs in common and loved ones in various stages of the disease, so you know what might happen.

    thank you for caring and sharing,
    jeannie
    Here's to good women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them.
    "The world is a better place when you're barefoot." Mark
    "Don't go there unless you know the way back." TC
    "...there will be an answer. Let it be." Paul McCartney

  3. #13
    Distinguished Community Member Ging's Avatar
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    Thanks Jeannie , I will get my sons involved in this because hubby just gets arguementive With me. I am recovering from my aneurysm surgery and having to deal with this so my plate is very full, it is nice I can come to this forum and ask what might be or not be something that is a signalto see his doctor! :) thanks, GING

  4. #14
    Distinguished Community Member Jo6's Avatar
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    Default Welcome Ging

    Well you sure do have a plate full. I hope your own health improves. Jeannie has some good info. We all have had to go thru this and it is very hard onthe heart strings.

    1I had to deal with this with my own Mom and now I'm trying to help my hubby get thru this with his Mom. His Mom passed away in May of this year and I had hoped it would get better, but so many things keep popping up it's pitiful!!

    Siblings are a pain to deal with right now. Hubby is in charge of all of it and they of course think he is cheating them out of heaven knows what.

    The sooner the part Jeannie is talking about the better off things will be for you.
    It's so hard for the patient to understand just the smalest things. MIL would ask me if she had Alzheimer's and I would answer her truthfully. then she would ask one of her children and they would tell her no.

    there are times to tell the truth, but as time goes on sometimes it's best to tell little white lies. IMHO it is best for the patient if I know it will upset them. The hardest thing is deciding on when to be truthfully or maybe not be as truthfully.

    So many hard things to decide on how to handle. I wish you well as you get thru thes days. Just ask or tell us if you know better ways to handle things. If we don't know we'll try to help you find answers.

    I sure don't know everything. I needed a lot of help and the girls here were a great help to me.

    You take care, Julia
    Did you ever know that you're my hero and every thing I would like to be I can fly higher than an eagle
    'cause you are the wind beneath my wings

    for my brother Ben

  5. #15
    Distinguished Community Member JanM's Avatar
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    Hank has resigned himself to me doing the driving. There are times I need help driving and my S-I-L helps me. When I tell Hank that N is coming with to do some of the driving, he will ask why, so I tell him that N knows the way. And because of his hearing problem it is easier that to try to get him to understand the directions from me. So far, it;s working.
    I'm just where God wants me to be, not one step ahead nor one step behind........

  6. #16
    Distinguished Community Member Jo6's Avatar
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    My dear Jan, I'm glad Hank is resigned to you doing the driving. It can be a real war sometimes. You need all the help you can get and if that is a big load off of you, then that is great.

    I know I had a time with Kens dad when I was there, day in and day out. I heard his truck crank up one day and I flew out of that house so fast you would think I had wings!! I asked him where he was going and he said he was just seeing if it would crank!! I know what he was doing, he was checking to see if one of his sons had disabled the trucks and car!! Yes, we had a time with him.

    now my own Mom desided on her own about not driving. When we found out she had a brain tumor they did brain surgery. That was her decision whether to do surgery or not It was malignant. When brother drove her back from the hospital she told him that she guessed that meant she wouldn't be driving anymore. She told him to take her car to his house.

    Now MIL, that was a different story. She was dificult about everything. Bless her, I knew it was the disease, but that didn't help the one that was attached at the hip with her. Some mighty hard days. you girls helped me thru it and I'm thankful every day of my life.

    Ging, it sounds like you are having a time. I hope you were able to talk with your sons Thanksgiving. the 1st time I took MIL to the Neuro Dr. he told her she had Alzheimers D. He told her to get her affairs in order. After that it was like pulling teeth to get her to do anything that needed to be done.

    Jeannie, I know it is going hard for you right now. My heart hurts for all of you. Pati, you have a chit load of stuff on you right now. I pray you will have the strength to make decisions that family don't want to do themselvs. Many times when one does make decisions the whole family will get angry at you. I mean KIN family too. Just do what you know is right because they Don't know. They don't come around enough to know. I think about you often.

    So many of you have things going down that hill real fast. Please remember I am here and if I

    can just listen let me know. I love you all. jo

    ps:Pati, I was in your shoes so to speak. I had no authority to make any decisions, but I had to make some and the family still have nothing to do with me. Had I not done some things it would have been pure hell. When Mary was dying I was treated like an outsider. My name wasn't even in the obituary. that kinda stung, but its done and no reason for me to hold a grudge.
    Last edited by Jo6; 11-26-2011 at 02:30 PM.
    Did you ever know that you're my hero and every thing I would like to be I can fly higher than an eagle
    'cause you are the wind beneath my wings

    for my brother Ben

  7. #17
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    thanks Jo. let's just say this was the last
    thanksgiving dinner I will ever make. my patience wasn't with me I'm afraid. I was sorry my son was here to witness my anger.

    I do try to always count my blessings.

  8. #18

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    This is really a hard call to make. I want to say you that you should pray to God to make you easier for leading a nice and healthy life.

  9. #19
    Distinguished Community Member JanM's Avatar
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    My Hank has been in a nursing home for over two years now. When he asks me what kind of place KLManor is, I tell him it's like a hospital. He had fallen and hurt his shoulder so I told him was there for therapy for that. Now he has a really bad infection on his toes and I took photos of them and now he is there because the doctor wanted him there so the nurses could do the wound care. Then I show him the photos, but he's not buying that story as much as he did.
    I'm just where God wants me to be, not one step ahead nor one step behind........

  10. #20
    Distinguished Community Member Jo6's Avatar
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    My dear Jan, its been awhile. I do pray things are better for you, but knowing the way of Alzheimer's Disease it's probably harder in many ways. I think of you often, wonder if Hank is excepting his new/old home.

    You have been faithful, going the extra mile for Hank. He is lucky he has you as his caregiver and also his wife. I still smile when I think of some of the funny things that the 2 of you had very early on. Remember the wreck and the "broken" arm? Ken and I could identify with many things you posted. Of course it was either laugh or cry and laughing seemed a much better option.

    Mary passed 3 years ago in May. For her it was a blessing. Of course we were sad, but also thankful she passed on to a much better place.

    Is Jan taking care of Jan?? You must do that!! How is your health problems? I hope things are going better there.

    Football season! Of course the Packers, but I'm still a SeaHawks, have been for years. Last year was the icing on the cake. Are you and sisters still watching together? I hope you all can still enjoy a little of life these days.

    Better close before this computer dumps my off. I love you Jan and hope all is as well as possible. much prayers,

















    haws fan. Been one for years.
    Last edited by Jo6; 12-02-2014 at 07:59 AM.
    Did you ever know that you're my hero and every thing I would like to be I can fly higher than an eagle
    'cause you are the wind beneath my wings

    for my brother Ben

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