What's Happening in our Caregiving World?

[tic chick]

hey everyone ...

it's kind of comforting and yet sad that the world goes on, even after the death of a loved one or any other kind of tragedy that strikes you or the world.

i guess i'm just not feeling well enough to talk about this right now. i'm still doing so much and my stomach is twisting...don't know if it's stress or something else. seeing my doc next week.

thank you for caring and sharing ,
jeannie

[Jo6]

Hi Jeannie. Yes, the world still goes on, but the sadness hangs around. Sometimes it will let up for awhile, then other times it hits you at the oddest times.
I would like to see this forum grow. There are many that have LO"s that will linger on and it does help to have others to talk with you.

The thing that I try to stress to those that are caregivers is to take care of yourself first. I know that is hard to do sometimes, but if we don't care for ourselves we can't care for anybody else.

A lot of people come here to just read, we never know who may need some encouragement. I know the dear ones that came here a lot when I came often helped me more than they will ever know.

So, come by and give a few words of encouragement. It may be a real blessing to others.

Take care all,, Julia

[harolmx]

hugs to everyone here. Nothing but love, and hugs. Stay strong. Every single person that all of you have lost would want you to be happy.

[tic chick]

hey all !

today is my mom's birthday. at this time last year, she was in her final days of life. she died on august 2, 2014.

i've been feeling kind of "off" this past week. it's hot, i've been putting up a 100 ft. wooden fence and digging up posts and buying lumber and carrying it for the past week. but, the physical work helps. i wanted to go to the cemetary today and visit my mom on her birthday and not go on sunday, the day she died. so my pookie drove me to the cemetery. i had cut some flowers from my garden that i usually dry in the fall and use for winter arrangements. coneflowers and sprigs of flowers that stick up from the coral bells all dry nicely and won't look bad for a long time. someone had left left some fake yellow flowers in my mom's vase...i'm thinking it might have been my dad. he loves yellow and he loves picking stuff up at the dollar store. so, i cut up the fake flowers, which they say you aren't supposed to put up, into pieces of 2 flowers apiece and i gave 3 other people some flowers in their vases...and i talked to them while i did it. i am sure my pookie thought i was bonkers, but he says "whatever makes you feel better, i will support". so there.

a social worker from the hospice called me to see how i was doing. i feel like i grieve very little. mostly i spend my time thinking about how my mom wasn't really close to anybody and really didn't know who she was. her words were always complaints. of course, she had the right to do that, but i wonder if she was scared to change and give up her anger,,,because what would she have to replace it? so, everyone lives their lives the way they want to and who am i say it was wrong? it would have been wrong for me, but then i did choose a different path.

i am surprised that this first anniversary made me emotional. i don't know if this feeling will continue, but i know i will always drop by the cemetery when i am close by and leave mom some flowers. i always gave her flowers on mother's day.

so, don't worry mom. i am not going to forget you. i am so much like you in some ways and 180 degrees different in others. that's my legacy.

thank you for sharing and caring ,
jeannie

[joy]

it happens, you do get emotuional. I think when they are gone, whether they were good or bad parent, you miss them. I know it has been over 10 years and I still miss my mother very much. I had such a good one and as times passes, I keenly realize just how good she was as time passes.

[Jo6]

Joy, Jeannie, & all those that came when I was coming here a lot. My heart hurts for all of you. My heart hurts for me also. Dear Mary, my MIL's birthday will be August 2. I feel relief for the suffering that she no longer has, but I also miss her so very much. I am sad when I think of my own Mother. I do miss her so very much.

I send my love to all of you dear friends, Julia

[tic chick]

to julia and joy...

i think the need for a mother never goes away, especially when they are good moms. even when they're not so good moms, you have someone to argue with . this alzheimer's disease robs you of being able to have a simple conversation with a loved one. it robs you of being a person that they once loved but now can't remember. it is so sad, it is heart breaking.

it's odd julia, your mil's birthday is august 2.
my mil's birthday was august 2.
my mom died on august 2.

strange coincidences.

love you both and (((hugs)))
jeannie

[tic chick]

hey everyone!

so, a couple months ago, i started feeling bummed. i didn't know why. i am usually pretty happy.

i had spoken to 2 lawyers about a possible case of negligence against the nursing home where my mom died, but they both said it would be too hard to prove (go figure...). so, i had to let go of this last chance to take care of my mom. i went back to my therapist and i told her about this. she thinks i am finally beginning to grieve for my mom, that the void left by her death that i had been avoiding...lol...is still there. it doesn't matter that grief comes almost 2 years later. i didn't deal with it after she died because it was such a relief not to have to take care of her anymore, something i had been doing all my life, plus i met my pookie 5 months after her death and he distracted me, too. i was groomed to be a caregiver or that's just my personality, so i feel at a loss as to what to do with myself. my kids are leading their own lives. if they ask for help or advice, i am so eager to give it, otherwise, i stay out. my youngest daughter went and bought a house for herself without even asking me anything about the process!!! of course, she is 30y/o and i was 23 when my ex-hubby and i got our mortgage on our home. i understand she is old enough to read and figure it out herself.

so, who am i besides a caregiver? who is jeannie? and i do not want to define myself as "pookie's girlfriend" .

any words of advice appreciated.

thank you for caring,
jeannie