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Thread: death

  1. #1
    Community Member dianne633's Avatar
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    Default death

    Sorry I just need to vent,to put it on paper as maybe it might help, My mother died on the 9th sept we buried her on the 11th sept I was so upset as I thought my mother and I where still close, but I was not able to be there as much in the last 12 month as what I was for 37 years, she left me a letter telling me that I have disappointed her and that I am not the daughter she thought I was she was really naste,she couldn't even tell me to my face,if she had told me I would have told her why I was not able to see her as much,as I have a daughter with mental illness which she knows about but I kept alot from my mother at what my daughter was doing as I didn't want to upset her, her letter just distroyed me I don''t seem to be able to get past it I just can't stop crying about both her dying and the letter she left for me after the funeral,thanks for listerning.






    dianne
    Dianne

  2. #2
    Distinguished Community Member jingle's Avatar
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    Oh Dianne (((hugs))) that's just awful. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.
    Is there any chance at all you mother was having some mental illness issues? Was something happening that she "had" to blame on someone else?
    I'm wishing you peace.

  3. #3
    Distinguished Community Member lor's Avatar
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    dianne, Did she know she might pass away soon? Perhaps she was worried about that and needed an escape. Maybe a few times you couldn't make it over so she more or less 'blamed her troubles' on you, as an escape. My FIL isn't doing good & I think he is upset a bit that his one son hardly visits. But, like you, that son has a reason...he works 6-7 days a week & he is 3.5 miles away, meaning he has to travel 7 hours & that can be hard to fit into your day. I'm sorry Dianne & good luck to both you & your daughter.
    Lorraine (lor)

  4. #4
    Distinguished Community Member tic chick's Avatar
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    dianne ,

    i'm thinking the same as jingle, maybe your mom had some mental health issues towards the end of her life.

    i am sure she knew raising a daughter with health problems was not easy for you. she could have reached out to you in the last year if she knew she was dying! she could have spent time with you and your daughter. so many ways she could have reached out.

    it's very hard to come to term's with your death, if she knew she was dying. some people cannot reach out so they lash out. they are depressed or whatever and they cannot die a good death, they have to blame someone and be angry because then they can focus on their anger instead of the reality of dying.

    dianne, what's important is YOU thought you were close to your mom! grieve your mother's death. remember the letter was written in anger and perhaps mental issues like depression.

    it must have been sad for your mom to leave this world with a heart filled with anger instead of love. forgive her, cause the letter wasn't the truth. YOU know what the truth was.

    my condolences on your loss and i hope one day you can forgive your mom for leaving you this letter.

    jeannie
    Here's to good women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them.
    "The world is a better place when you're barefoot." Mark
    "Don't go there unless you know the way back." TC
    "...there will be an answer. Let it be." Paul McCartney

  5. #5
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    how awful for you! why not write her a letter? get out all your anger & it might help with the grief? I'm sorry this has happened to you. keep posting......we do care.

  6. #6
    Distinguished Community Member houghchrst's Avatar
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    ((((((((Dianne)))))))

  7. #7
    Community Member dianne633's Avatar
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    Hi All
    My mother was hoping the end would come she was sick ,but she was not having mental issues she was just annoyed that I was not able to visit her all the time like my brother and his wife,one of my daughters also suggested that I write the letter and burn it and spread it on her grave and help me to get out my hurt so I am going to do that and thank you for being there for me.
    kind regards dianne
    Dianne

  8. #8
    Distinguished Community Member jingle's Avatar
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    Dianne -- please let us know how the trip to your mother's grave goes ......
    We're here to listen

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