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Thread: New blog post about caregiver grief

  1. #1
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    Default New blog post about caregiver grief

    Donna, Mum to Natalie (22), ablebodied, kind and beautiful and Nicholas(26), severe CP, non-verbal, tube fed, multiple surgeries, chronic pain, happy kid except when the Liverpool football club or the Ottawa Senators Hockey Team are losing!
    Check out my blog: http://www.donnathomson.com


  2. #2
    Distinguished Community Member tic chick's Avatar
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    hey donna ,

    i read a lot of your blog posts because they pertain to everyone's life and a lot of times specifically to my life.

    because of the experiences i have had in life, i have been in therapy for long periods of time during my 58 years of life. i have come to the conclusion that there is a whole lot of grief in life and not all of it is grieving the death of a loved one.

    my father physically and verbally abused me when i was a child. i grieved for the love i never had.

    my mother told me her adult problems from the time i was 10 years old. i grieved that i never had a mother to comfort me.

    i found out i had tourette syndrome. i grieved that i would never be "normal" and do the things other "normal" people did. i was really wrong about that one .

    my daughter went to college and i cried for 3 days. i was grieving the loss of my role as a mother, protector, something that defined me. i know i will always be her mother but she will never depend on me the way she did as a child. this grief happened in different ways with my other 2 children.

    i grieved when i hit menopause (not a whole lot , but i recognized it). i was grieving the loss of ever nurturing a baby inside of me, for i loved being pregnant.

    the last 5 years have been the hardest grieving of my life. my mother developed alzheimer's disease. she has been in the nursing home 4+ years already, she has not known who i am for about 2 of those years. i grieve the loss of ever reconciling with my mother. i tried to reconcile with her, but she wasn't ready to hear me. now she never will. i am grieving for her suffering.
    i also grieved during the last 10 years of my 34 year marriage tanking and i am grieving since our legal separation in october of 2011. this is the grief of losing my first love, the loss of our future together.

    yes, tears come out of nowhere at anytime. i've had tears run down my cheeks in front of the produce section at meijer, driving in the car with my son and talking with a friend. i feel no shame in crying. i am human.

    what i have learned from therapy is to feel my grief and let go of as much of it as i can. i love unconditionally, forgive faster, judge less, worry less about the future, trust people more, know that i can take care of myself and believe that i am OKAY. i always live one day at a time, for that is all i believe we all have...today.

    i'm not perfect and not working towards attaining that. i am just me and that's good enough.

    thank you for all that you do here. it is worthwhile...and

    thank you for caring and sharing,
    jeannie
    Last edited by tic chick; 08-02-2013 at 07:12 AM.
    Here's to good women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them.
    "The world is a better place when you're barefoot." Mark
    "Don't go there unless you know the way back." TC
    "...there will be an answer. Let it be." Paul McCartney

  3. #3
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    Hi Jeannie,
    Thank you so much for your kind words and for generously sharing your experience of life, loss, reconciliation and how you manage to balance hope with despair. I'm sorry that you never had the chance to have an honest and loving reconciliation with your mother. It's one of those 'what might have been' that really says more about her than you. It's very telling that she told you adult problems when you were just a child. Poor her, she must have been very needy. I'm glad that you are able to cry openly. I find that very difficult, probably a result of so many years of looking after Nick when action is mandated in an ongoing crisis situation! Now, though, I wish I could cry more easily - it's hard to break down those walls! Thanks for sharing xo
    Donna, Mum to Natalie (22), ablebodied, kind and beautiful and Nicholas(26), severe CP, non-verbal, tube fed, multiple surgeries, chronic pain, happy kid except when the Liverpool football club or the Ottawa Senators Hockey Team are losing!
    Check out my blog: http://www.donnathomson.com


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