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My husband attempted suicide three weeks ago :(

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    My husband attempted suicide three weeks ago :(

    I don't know how to feel , I went home from baby sitting my grandchildren overnight and found him!
    I can't get the image out of my head, they had to Baker act him because he left a note which I did not see. I was so busy calling 911 .

    He is out now and going to a therapist .i had a major panic attack and was hospitalized for two days, due to heart changes and breathing issues. The physiologist ( sp.) told me to get away from the scene as I was in a PTS situation. I did and now I will go home next week and start my therapy.
    How do you get that out of your head, how do you trust ?
    How do you start your life over after fifty years.?
    I feel like I am slowly drowning. I did not even go for my MRA of my brain aneurysm to have it checked at the one year mark! My B/P went to 181/108 , it s better now but I feel when I get back , I will be high numbers again.
    He really meant to do it , he was angry at our special needs grandson.......who then thought he was responsible for it all and wasn't ....then my daughter had o get him to a therapist !
    I just needed to get this out or I am going to explode, my emotions are running from anger, to fear to pity and all sorts of feelings in between.
    Thanks for listening , GING

    #2
    I'm so sorry for what you have been through. Your post touched me as I was in the state your husband was in emotionally before. I could try to explain but every person has their own issues that make them feel as though there is no other choice. Please reassure him that there is always another choice. I truly can feel, through your experience, the other side. I will follow your posts to make sure you are ok and healing too. I'm here to just listen if you need it,

    Deedeelyn

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      #3
      Thanks Deedeelyn,
      it has been a roller coaster of different emotions for me...
      I don't hate him, I just am very lost that someone could be so " pissed" as he said ......to do something like this, if I had not come home a day early ...he would be dead, with no thought what it would do to his family.
      He can't be trusted with his medication, the grandchildren can't be alone with him, and he is still going through his extreme, anger ! I will be on egg shells when I get home.

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        #4
        What I've learned in a couple of classes I've taken is that men are wired to deal with their problems with violence and anger. I hope it passes quickly for him. I would expect that you might get angry yourself at times in between those Lost feelings. That will be normal. I'm sure you will both be dealing with a ton of different emotions. Things like this will take time. I will be praying for you. Breathe deep and make sure you get away from time to time to give yourself room to think through your own feelings. I'm glad to hear there is therapy going on . Sounds like your taking the right steps.

        Dee

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          #5
          ((((((Ging))))))

          While I cannot offer you any personal experience, I do offer you and your husband and family my prayers.

          It's good that you came here to get it out. You need a place to vent, to cry, to ask for support and know you'll receive it. So, I recommend first that you continue to post here, and let it all out of you. Holding these things inside is unhealthy, physically and emotionally.

          Perhaps you could start a journal. A private journal, where you write down every emotion and thought you're having. Write about your anger, your hurt, your fears, your insecurity, your anguish. This might be a means of releasing some of it.

          Three weeks isn't much time to cope with a traumatic situation, such as yours, so give yourself some slack. Grant yourself some compassion, and know that this is going to take time and therapy for you to find your way. Be kind to and gentle with yourself, and don't expect to be "over" this in a week or a month even. I have no doubt that your reactions are natural and common to others, who have had this experience. So, don't feel like something is wrong with you, because you have these feelings.

          It's important that you take care of yourself. If your health is at risk, you will not have the needed strength and energy to learn to cope with what's behind you and ahead of you. Reschedule your MRA. Make an appt. with your doctor, so s/he can keep an eye on your B/P as well as other physical affects of stress.

          If you aren't ready to be reunited with your husband in your home, then would it be possible for you to express that to his therapist and your therapist before you go home next week? They might have ways to help you with that transition, or they might suggest that you wait a little longer, or that you return to the home with others present to help you and him. You should have professional help with this, because it is clearly stressing you out to the maximum. Call the therapists on Monday and find out what they can do for you.

          You should not have to face all of this alone. You should have emergency numbers of therapists or doctors to contact for both you and your husband. You should be given guidelines and suggestions on how to deal with any number of potential situations or conversations between you and your husband. For example, "If he says this, then you respond with this." Coaching, in other words.

          I will pray that you and your husband will have the help that you need to move forward. Please remember to take care of yourself. That is very important.

          Love & Light,

          Rose
          Mom to Jon, 49, & Michael, 32, born with an undiagnosed progressive neuromuscular disease. Angel Michael received his wings in 2003. Angel Jon received his wings in 2019. In 2020, Jim, their Dad, joined them.

          Comment


            #6
            ging ,

            i remember a while back that you thought your husband was already having some kind of problems. i think i told you about getting guardianship for him or also the possibility of separating from him. i don't recall the exact post or if you remember it as it was a while ago.

            i'm sorry you had to come home and find him in that state. i feel sorry for him because i feel he has a lot of probs. i don't know if his probs have a mental or physical base or both.

            i don't know what to tell you except what rose said and that is to take care of yourself. believe that you can take care of yourself. when i separated from my husband of 33 years about a year and a half ago, it was because i couldn't help or save him and i was not going to drown with him. i never worked outside the home, i was a great mom and volunteer for the schools my children went to. i think you have to believe you deserve a happy life and peace. it's scary starting a new life alone, but it's even scarier staying and silently screaming everyday.

            i do hope you find some peace ,
            jeannie
            Last edited by tic chick; 04-20-2013, 08:31 PM.
            WE ARE BT!
            "The world is a better place when you're barefoot." Mark
            "Don't go there unless you know the way back." TC
            "...there will be an answer. Let it be." Paul McCartney

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              #7
              Ging I am so sorry you all are having a terrible time of it. Must be exhausting and heartbreaking. Lots of prayers going out to you and your family.

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                #8
                Ging, how my heart aches for you. .....

                It is hard to do sometimes, but you Must Not blame yourself! When you came to Alzheimer's F. you talked to Kat a good bit about dementia. I'm not sure how you all dealt with things, but you were very worried about your husband.

                You have to take care of yourself first. You aren't well yourself and you have to take care of you!! Maybe one of your son's will keep in touch with your husband and you could go stay some place else for awhile.

                I don't know, don't have the answer's but have had a little experience with a family member. One of my son's was in college, he wanted to live off campus. I won't get into details, but if you want to talk about it you can PM me. Ken & I were going to Chicago to visit friends. No cell phones back then, last thing we did was go by his apartment to check on him. We knew he was having a hard time. the last words he said to me was "don't worry Mom, I'm not going to do anything stupid."

                We drove a day & half, our friends left word at motel asking Ken to call him pronto. Son had taken overdose, a mixture of my meds. He was in ICU, too late to pump stomach,.Drs. said just a matter of time but probably not thru the night.

                Well Ging, it just wasn't his time to go. We got back in car and drove the same way back. When we walked in the hospital we were met by his Drs. They couldn't explain, should be dead, but he was alert. that was a long time ago, he's married, has 3 step children and 1 bio. daughter.

                I guess it wasn't hubby's time yet? If he is determined to he will find a way, but hopefully he will get the help he needs. You job is take care of Ging. I know you can't forget all that happened, but try not to dwell on it.

                Know we are here for you, when ever you need any of us. You don't have to answer all of us, but just let us know how you are getting along and if you want to write or talk to any of us please do..

                I love you Ging, Julia s
                Did you ever know that you're my hero and every thing I would like to be I can fly higher than an eagle
                'cause you are the wind beneath my wings

                for my brother Ben

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                  #9
                  Thank you all who have reached out to me ...it means more than you know. I went away for three weeks and then came back and he has been in therapy now for a month. I havent seen any difference in his treatment of me , but I am going to look after me .
                  I start with a therphist on Monday and maybe she will help me get past that day. My Sons have already said they will help put me in an apartment if I want , but I hate being a burden on them as they have small children to care for. I dont know if I can get any outside aid from any service or not. I hate my fifty years ends like this.
                  The whole time I was gone I was happy , I laughed, my breathing was normal...now I get the irregular breathing again on ocassion and crying spells. I hate the Depakote , it make me feel weak and I dont know how to wean off it.I will ask my primary when I go later this month, I only got a two month script. I am still trying to stay strong, I hope I will be better after I see my therphist . I just dont understand if he hates his dead father and has so much anger toward him why he takes it out on me ? This came out during his first session and came to me through his telling family members about it. I again thank you all so much for your support and Juila I am so happy things worked out for your Son.....No it wasnt hubbies time...I came home a day early ! Hugs and much love to you all Ging

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                    #10
                    Well it has been a rough busy two months since I posted to this forum, my husband is still in therapy , I have my last one tomorrow and will go on an as needed basis. I can't see a lot of improvement in him as far as his anger goes and just last night , it came to me I was feeling fear now. I think something has changed in him as far as I am concerned and I suddenly had the over whelming feeling that he is afraid I will leave and will do something to keep me here. It's just the feeling in the room at times. He still hasn't mended his relationship with our daughter, I am thankful our Grandson is in football camp and is calmer now and is not carrying the guilt of his grandfathers actions.
                    I have learned a great deal in my therapy and don't cry like I did, I feel stronger and can look in that room without having a panic attack, so that is a lot of progress.as I said it has been a busy and hard two almost three months , but I am better , and I am so thankful for this place to come and get it out. I had no idea stress could cause a person to have breathing problems...67 years old and still learning ..thanks everyone :) GING

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                      #11
                      glad to hear you are feeling stronger. we are same age and hubby and i are clos by a few years yet to being married 50 years. you have had good replies from very confident people. i believe in jeannie as she has consistenly given good info to many people here. also jo. you stay strong.

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                        #12
                        Thanks joy...I went today for my session and was given many tools to help me continue to stay strong.i will use them . I really am thankful for the replies and support I Received. The day I posted I was such a mess emotionally and just had to get it all out ...without it being family , I needed it to be to people who could hear, and read without trying to just smooth it over as " oh he was just trying to get attention" he meant to do it and the therapist believes he will attempt to again.i am going away so I don't have to worry about this everyday. He needs more help . , Ging

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                          #13
                          ((((((Ging))))))

                          My prayers are with you. Wherever you go, I pray that you find strength and peace. If possible, please stay in touch with us.

                          Love & Light,

                          Rose
                          Mom to Jon, 49, & Michael, 32, born with an undiagnosed progressive neuromuscular disease. Angel Michael received his wings in 2003. Angel Jon received his wings in 2019. In 2020, Jim, their Dad, joined them.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Ging, how did I miss this? maybe cause not here much lately? I'm so sorry you've had this experience! his anger is dreadful & for him to take it out on you is wrong & could be dangerous. if your son's are willing to help you move You should accept their help. live your own life. be happy & healthy. God has a plan for him or you wouldn't have come home a day early! 50 yrs & you'd think you know him right? I'm not sure we can ever really know another person myself.

                            will be hoping you get on with your own life now. his progress might take a long time. suicide is hard if not impossible to understand. please continue with your own therapy Ging. ((((hugs)))) Pati

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                              #15
                              i too am sorry it took so long for me to read your first message. i have not been checking in as often as i use to either. i hope you did in fact move out far enough to stay strong and i see you are a smart woman as family would encourage you to stay for (perhaps selfish) reasons sometimes.

                              I too rarely cry anymore. don't have a clue as to why either, maybe just learned it never accomplished much years ago or what. i know a little about breathing problems. noticed when i was young that i had a problem with stairs when they were steep and such. had trouble breathing only because of dreading using them mostly.

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