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    Lonely Holiday

    Hi Folks,

    How have all of you been doing? I haven't posted here in awhile but I've been down since Thanksgiving and now Christmas because I have to spend the holidays away from my family all do to my brother asking me what I was doing
    at the house on Christmas eve 2001. His first words to me when he walked in the door were "What are you doing here?" then he walked away from me after I told him "I brought the families Christmas gifts over." Since that time he
    hasn't spoken to me on his own and I tried to call him a few days ago to understand what he meant by saying those words to me only for him to blow up at me use foul language and then tell me I'm always hanging on to the past. This
    is the first time I've ever asked him why he said those words, and his excuse was it was a joke.
    I've been married for 26 yrs. and my brother has never called, or come over to visit even after I've invited him over 15 times or more. So once again it will be just my husband and myself this Christmas and we won't be able to be
    with the rest of the family do to my brother. I don't know how the rest of you would feel if you were in my place but I feel hated and rejected. Thanks for letting me vent and I hope and pray that you never have to go through this with
    any of your family or friends. I wish you only the best and May God Bless You!

    Sue

    #2
    Sue,
    I understand you so much.
    Being away from those you love especially on an important Holiday like Christmas does make you depressed. I feel this my self as all but one son lives in other states and the cost of any of us getting together is impossible , that said ...your brother is hiding behind his "it was a joke" excuse. He is a controling person and resents you questioning him as he sees' it as being called on the carpet for bad behavior. He is stubborn .I know it hurts you and yes I am like you in I want answers to things that made such a deep cut.
    Honey , why is the gathering always at his house, why not have a day after Christmas at your place and invite all the family over for more family time and sharing...I know that is eaiser said than done in family politics...I have had that myself. I had two out of four of my children for Thanksgiving this year....the first time ever since they have married and had children of their own....it was a biggie for me and when they went home it was as if the Holiday season was over as far as I was concerned....I say this so you will know that I really do understand the depth of your hurt and aloneness.
    I may go to a Movie Christmas day...there are several out I want to see...maybe this would be a fun thing for you...it isnt family I know but its better than letting it eat you up ... I let it do it to me many years ago.
    Merry Christmas Sue and Honey, let it go if you can, don't let yesterday take up too much of today . ((((Hugs)))) Ging

    Comment


      #3
      Hi Ging,
      Thanks so much for your support and understanding. I'm so sorry that you can't be together with all of your family and I wish you a joyful and blessed Christmas. I've been married 26 yrs. and I have invited my family over for Christmas, cook outs and
      many other things but my parents have only come over 3 times in the 26 yrs. I've been married and my brother and his family have never been over. My mom told me the reason she likes to spend Christmas with my brother is because he has kids where
      my husband and I don't. Today all the kids are grown up but my parents still won't come over giving me excuse after excuse when I really know the truth is that my mom loves my brother more than me and a yr. or two ago she even told me this.
      I will probably make dinner for my husband and myself and if the weather is good I will see if the local church needs any help and go there.
      Merry Christmas Ging, and thanks for being such an understanding a caring friend (((Hugs))) I wish you only the best and May God Bless You Each and everyday.
      Sue

      Comment


        #4
        Hey Sue
        , post after Christmas and tell me what you and Hubby did , :) make it special for the two of you ! Merry Christmas Honey

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          #5
          Sue I understand all to well being lonely on holidays. our kids had a quarrel one holiday years ago and that was the last of our get-to-gethers until just recently.

          hubby and i thought we would just eat out but when we went into town, there was not one place open to eat. all the resturants, everything was closed. we finally bougt some chicken pieces from a gas station and went home and had our sad holiday alone.

          for some reason now tho, the son has sdecided that he could try again. my hope is that they will not throw another brawl like last time. and in front of their own children, with the youing ones cryin g, etc not understanding and all.
          i think a movie would be a good ideal and i hope that a funny or special movie is playing and you can get your hubby to accompany you to it.

          i don't understand your mothers' reasoning and i feel for you. i wish for the best for you tho sue. chin up and know others here are thinking about you and hoping for a plesant outcome for you and husband. (((hugs)))

          Comment


            #6
            Daily Joy! Stop that running into the walls Haven't you and I hit that same wall enough times to know by now THAT HURTS??

            lol, hope you find your glasses soon. "kiss kiss"

            Sue, I'm sorry things are not as you would love them to be, especially when holidays come around. Things haven't been exactly the way I would love them to be myself. It hurts, I know it does.

            I have lost several members of my family the last few years and it keeps coming, no stopping. I try to think of all the good things we all shared together, things that makes your heart happy

            Last night I heard of a family , about 10 or so of them, many little children. It hurt just thinking of the little ones, no way for them to have Christmas. I'm trying to find out if I can help in some way. I'm not well and neither is my husband, but if we can do anything, just work together, call on others that I know would help, who knows, maybe some little ones can have a good Christmas. I would love for them to understand the true meaning of Christmas as I believe.

            Sue, you and I haven't talked much here at BT, but I see your encouraging messeges all over this board. I also see so many from you, dear, Ging!! I miss talking to you.

            Someday your family may wake up and wonder where they went wrong to be so selfesh and leave out any of their children or LO's. Maybe not, but please don't let this make you bitter. you have so much to give to others, share in their lives, feel the love and comfort that is offered. You may ask just where is this nice place?

            It's right here at Brain Talk Communities!! We have lost some of our beautiful friends at home here at BT. Our beautiful Phyliss or Giggles or PonyGirl, whatever you called her. She always would answer.

            Here, please accept this hug from me. I kind of need a hug my self,yes? Well I'll thank you in advance, case I forget, I do that sometimes. I'm not young, but I want to live the rest of my life helping others and sharing the love I feel here at BT.

            May God Bless and keep each and every one of you dear friends. Here's some more hugs over in the cornor, they are in the big red bag, just waiting for anybody that may need a hug. Every time some one takes a hug I get one back. I am Blessed!

            I love you all, Julia s
            Did you ever know that you're my hero and every thing I would like to be I can fly higher than an eagle
            'cause you are the wind beneath my wings

            for my brother Ben

            Comment


              #7
              Hi Jo6,

              Thank you for all of your love and blessings I don't know what I would do with out you and everyone here at BT.
              Just like you I have lost a lot of family members that I got along with really well and I had a great relationship with. Like you said I've hit the wall enough and now it's time to move on
              if my family rejects me it's there problem not mine. As I'm sure you remember I usually post on the epilepsy forum but I haven't been around in awhile. I miss Ponygirl we had a great
              relationship and when we didn't post here on BT I would call her and visit with her.

              Right now I've decided to make a nice Christmas dinner for my husband and myself and then if the weather is okay go to the nursing home and visit our neighbor to brighten his day up.

              The problem with my mom is she doesn't want to let go of my brother because she has rejected me over the yrs. and she told me she cares more about my brother than me. I think what
              it all comes down to is that my family thought I was nothing but a failure when I got epilepsy but I proved them wrong by working at the same job for 27 yrs. being married 26 yrs. and my husband
              and I have our home paid off about 3 yrs. ago where my family always ran to there parents for help and money when I did it on my own along with my husband.

              It's going to be a Merry Christmas because I know that's what the Lord would want me to feel. After all I believe there's more to Christmas than just gifts. You are a very dear friend and I'm
              sorry that you've had to go through the hard times like I have. I pray that everything will turn out wonderful for you and your family this Christmas and May God Bless You!

              Remember this: Love people not things, use things not people. The worst kind of heart disease is a heart that doesn't love.

              These were written by my Grandmother and my cousin before they passed away.

              May God Bless You and May You Have a Joyful and Blessed New Year.

              Sue

              Comment


                #8
                my family treats me like that at times

                people are crazy

                Comment


                  #9
                  Hi Cloud z,
                  I'm sorry that you have the same problem. After seeing a church sermon this past Sunday on anger I've learned to let the family problems go. I spoke with my mom and she told me
                  that she is going to speak with my brother on New Years Day to get this all straigtened out once and for all. I just hope my brother doesn't explode at my mom.
                  Here's wishing all of you only the best and May God Bless You!

                  Sue

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Hi Ging,
                    You asked me to let you know how my Christmas went. It was a peaceful and quiet Christmas with just my husband and myself. We had a nice ham dinner and the both of us
                    were busy shoveling the driveway and porches thanks to a winter storm that hit us leaving over 8 inches of snow. Here's wishing you well and May God Bless You!

                    Sue

                    Comment


                      #11
                      That sounds nice Sue, it was just my husband and my self and I just made a pan of chicken a d dressing.we did go over to see the little ones open their gifts then we came home and slept, I forgot how early little one get up to see Santa !
                      My husband suffers from deep depression and early dementia so I try to keep him out of crowded places because he has anger issues as well.
                      Honey you just hold that pretty head up and do for you and your husband....don't beg others to be a part of your life, that doesn't mean , you don't love them or miss them ,it just means ...they need to get their heart right...when and if they do and reach out to you ...embrace them ..and rejoice that they have had their heart softened.
                      You know, when I have been shunned and rejected by people that " were supposed to love me".. my fist few years I cried until I thought for sure my eyes were bleeding...they weren't ,... but I finally accepted that they had to make the change and until then I would be me, just me and busy my self with my own life and all the issues that come with it. I am doing okay and I want you to believe in you and the strong woman you are. Happy New year Sue, and you made it , enjoy your days , make a fun memory , laugh at little things and be sure to laugh at yourself...I have to laugh at me, all the time.
                      Hugs (((GING)))
                      Last edited by Ging; 01-01-2013, 04:42 AM.

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