Quote Originally Posted by Prot View Post
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How long should i hold onto the possibility that it is due to him having problems of his own? I could cling onto that and then just find i was right after all.
I find the uncertainty hard to cope with.
there isn't a term of expiry i'm afraid. and unfortunately these are things we can never have certain answers to. i appreciate that is hard to cope with. i guess what i TRY to do (because, like you, i often catch myself beating myself up as the cause), is just go ahead and assume the less bothersome alternative. when i fall back into the trap of it being me, i have to actively pull my mind out of that and say, no, i don't know that, so i'm going to just let this be about him.

if you do find out for certain, at some point, that he is actually fed up, then you will have to chalk him up to being a JERK, and not much of a loss there. you will have discovered he is not the person you thought him to be. ;) it is unlikely you will find out however, because do you really think he will march up to you and say, hey i'm fed up? no. he might stop showing altogether - but then we're back to the uncertainty as to why. people sometimes end up with too much on their plates and "drop the ball" on others being themselves a victim of circumstance. i would opt for that line of thinking. use benefit of the doubt and find compassion for him, as well as for yourself. i think you can do that and that you will feel better if you do.

i am not saying it is easy. a change in thinking like that does not usually happen overnight. you will find yourself falling back into self-blame, and you will have to actively "move your mind" from those thoughts, over and over and over. this is true for any thoughts too, that become obsessions... the having to move the mind. you need to decide beforehand what the replacement thought will be, and shift gears.

that is what i find i have to do, anyway.

(((hugs)))

~ waves ~