hi my name is Pattyand its been awhile since I've posted here.A lot is going on in my life.I am schizophrenic,and have borderline personality disorder. I have also bee seeing a rheumatologist since 2008, and have lupus.I am taking prednisone right now for abad flare up, and it is affecting my psychiatric symptoms.I am extremelyanxious, am crying at the dropof a hat and flying into rages.I also am in recovery and have 18 months sober;thank God for the rooms ,I think I would have lost my mind by now if not for the support of my peers.
To complicate matters, my son has sensory processing disorder and is on a feeding tube. my husband left two years ago when gabe was first diagnosed and moved in with my best friend, had a babyboy with her, she is now expecting a second child with him.Im over it.My dad had congestive heart failure in july and has liver cancer,he is also an active alcoholic and ispresently drinking himself to death. Because of the fact that i live in his home with my children, it has fallentome to take careof him without support of my brother ( who is in recovery) and my sister( who is a lawyer).I have been taking care of my dying father, my special needs son, my daughter,all the while trying to remainsane and sober.It is very difficult and i dont understand why my family isnt there for me. they do however come every sunday expecting a meal and wine to go with it.Thats the extent of their involvement.If I yet harbor any resentment, it would be with mybrother and sister. I have forgiven myhusband and his girlfriend.I sometimes ask God why do things have to be so hard?I am catholic, and find great comfort in my faith and in my Church.
My dad is pretty abusive toward my son. he doesnt understand Gabe's issues and sensitivity.My STBX is not onboard withGabes nutritioon and feeding, does not cone to doctors appts with him and does not talk to the social workeron gabes case or either of the two feeding therapists.I feel like i am carrying the world onmy shoulders, that all of these responsibilities i bear alone, i cannot understand the lack of help, interest orsupport.Ihave been inpatient on a psych unittwicethis year, i was in the medical ward for the lupus in august and again in the ER in NH when we took a vacation and incrediblysickand weak with infections and pain.I think what I am doing here is venting, I was not sure where to post since there are so many things involved. thankyou for the forumand i hope for feedback.