what is the point of living. I have had a major flare that I will have to soon admit it is more than a flare. Today was just so overwhelming I wondered if I do anyone any good being around. Now don't get me wrong as this isn't close to a suicide issue [something I would never do for a variety of reasons] but definitely a pain crisis as it taken all my brain focus on pain squeezing out every good input - today was a gorgeous day outside. As pain was squeezing out all the good things in life I started wondering if I was doing my wife any good but I know that she and my family would miss out on what I can give the family. My older granddaughter loves when grandpa comes over to play and the new granddaughter will have a chance to find out how much fun grandpa can be. My son will need to talk to me about his experiences in the Army especially if he gets into combat as some point in his career. He knows he can tell me anything and I will still love him whether I agree with him or not. I also have a better understanding of what he is going through since I went through the Marines and no one else has been in the military, in the family that is still living.
I know many of us get to the point that pain is so overwhelming but I hope all of us can focus on today hoping tomorrow will be better or at least the next few hours will be better. I have a massage appointment set up for this afternoon so I will feel better for a short while but I hope it breaks the cycle of this cervical pain so that my left side is good for something other than seeing how much pain I can endure.