BT has changed again, brain has changed drastically so this'll take time.
Missed you all so very much. Have to be very careful what I say. Have stayed away because SO found out where I post, had his girlfriend read all my posts, report back to SO who was livid w/what I said about him. Now he knows...also know, if she told him, I did write some good things about him. Feeling she left those out. I know her name, where she works, she has a son. He still denies entire thing, not happening for last 8 months, I'm hallucinating :). Talk is cheap, word gets around, I also have a phone SO, people like to talk. I had items 'collected', he ransacked my room, left it that way.....usually one tries to be careful when looking for 'something'. Cover their tracks...SO never a neat freak.
Had 'family meeting' w/one daughter/hubby. He has everyone in area I've written to reporting to him should I write them with an 'odd' email even my daughter. SO made BIG point of saying I have 2 dementias and Parkinsons, lots of hallucinations and usually fixate on husband having affair. This is no hallucination - I'm sure smidgeons are but the conversations I can hear after being awake for hours are not.
They talk all hrs of night, he maybe gets 3-4 hr sleep if that, has diabetes for one; his sugars nos. have been all over the place, ends by saying 'I love you".......tells me he loves me....what the hay???
I stay very calm around him now when he blows up, think that bothers him too. I say wrong word he blows.
He's been blowing his stack quite a bit lately....have at it SO.
He admitted he still doesn't understand my diseases, doesn't understand my mood swings (something I can't control)...I think he wants his old Kat back and it ain't gonna happen and I'm not going to get any better; it's going to get a lot lot worse. So if he can't have the old kat, maybe he's got a facsimile.
Any topic I want to discuss he's read about it....we literally have nothing to talk about anymore. But no divorce, as he said at he 'meeting', because he loves me....he doesn't love me, he loves money. Heard him talking to her saying one thing she's not going to get a cent of is my pension.....Have feeling she's in it for $$ too....fairly rich guy, sicker than heck, take care of her/her kid. But if she reads this back to him, sure she'll leave that part out......think make copy of this<G>
Parkinson's has been having fun with me, as of late, strokes too. I call him Mr Parks and we 'go dancing".:)
Fell once in back hall, put large hole in wall, concussion for couple/3 weeks. Was he really worried about me? Not really.
Last week in car my throat/vocal cords spasmed so tight I couldn't breathe; he quietly asked if he should call an ambulance.....think about it people. We live in sticks, By time they got there, to me for 20 min ride, I'd probably be dead.....But I'm sure he was also thinking DNR....as our neighbor had pretty much what I have, started choking which is one of the bad symptoms and happened to her alot..her hubby called son, son said she's been through so much dad, let her go. Husband did. Must've been so very hard for that man who loved his wife dearly. Think it would be very easy for SO to let me go.........
I sleep a couple days a week now, stress making me lose weight altho trying to 'stuff' myself with healthy, fattening food. God has me in his hands and I have him in my heart, right where things should be.
I pray for all of my friends here and in other rooms. Know God is looking in on you as well, so am I!! gentle hugs, much love to all, kat