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    CJ starts at General Motors

    They called him today and told him to report for work on June 4th at 7 a.m. I am so happy I feel sick. Sick and scared for some reason lolol. Getting weird having things going like they are supposed to.

    Shortcake brought home his Annual Progress Report today and scored in the top of the nation among same grade students for a final score of the school year.

    My veggies are growing, I have my sewing room and am turning it into my dream room craft room, Shortcake is in his room and loves it. Still little odds and ends I need to do but both will prolly be a work in progress for a while yet.

    Having surgery to remove my tumor on June the 18th and will be abed mostly for almost four weeks to give it time to heal properly so no more problems with it hopefully.

    Am thinking of bringing B home in time to help me after my surgery. He is almost done with his community service, like 9 hours left, and then just his probation fees which is only about $150 that can be paid on the first of the month. One part misses him and wishes he was here to help and to talk to and another part of me just can't deal with all of the drama that affects him and the effect it in turn has on me. Every time he calls I feel like I have to brace myself for his depressed mood or else whining about what a loser his dad is. Kripes either he calls me 3 or more times a day or I don't hear from him for a day. The latter is rare lol. I do miss him terribly but am glad that he is turning out to be a great young man. Yes despite his occasional drinking and I am sure smoking pot.

    I am so happy, my shortcake is using my craft room to make something he got for Christmas last year. He is the first to use it.



    I feel terrible for not being here lately especially since I blabbed about spreading ourselves about. I am in a weird place mentally and if it weren't for the pain I might be relatively okay. Like coming here makes me more aware of my pain and my mental illness, mental illness mostly and once I delve into my own illnesses it makes me a bit manic and I am sure that makes no sense. I am also trying to change this constant mantra in my head that starts even before I open my eyes in the morning that says 'I have to do this and this and this and this needs to be done/paid/called on etc. I am trying to change it to 'I get to do this and this' which seems to be a bit better because a lot of what I want to do is a work in progress so I am trying to stay mellow about things. Quite frankly I feel on the edge of........something, I just don't know what it is and I am very afraid of it. Like this constant feeling of dread I can't seem to get rid of. Something nasty is right behind me and if I pretend it isn't there it then maybe it can't get me but I am always prepared just in case. UGH! I am rambling psycho babble but fear not I am doing okay.

    I miss you all terribly and feel like a lousy friend and support if I'm not even gonna show up. Thinking of all of yous, hugs and love.


    P.S. I have added some photos for any one who is interesteed that is also a work in progress
    Last edited by houghchrst; 05-25-2012, 10:52 PM.

    #2
    Christina, yay for you! Honey I will hold good thoughts for all that is about to happen, the job that it is a long hitch :) your surgery , that it is successful and you have a smooth recovery and , that craft room sound like a wonderful place to just go and try out new ideas.
    I know you miss B. And he is on his own journey, he has to clear his path to get to the place he needs and is supposed to be, seems like that syndrome has hit my family from time to time. Anyway , keep positive and please stay in touch as you can when you get home from the hospital. Hugs honey and , happy for all the good stuff that is happening for you and yours :) GING

    Comment


      #3
      Chris, that wonderful news about CJ. good things come to those that wait. and yeah for Shortcake. I'll refrain from commenting about B. ((((hugs))))Pati

      ps,no idea what surgery you mentioned. hope you are OK!

      Comment


        #4
        chris ,

        you make perfect sense to me!

        seems you are having a hard time believing that good things can last. i read somewhere that people who have ptsd feel the same way...not just people who have had a specific traumatic event happen to them, but people who endured years of fighting some kind of personal or family battle. for me, i know that living in a house where the parents either abused or neglected you and dreading coming home because you didn't know if that day there was going to be a huge argument between your parents, was kind of like a hostage situation. i was the hostage. i know this caused ptsd symptoms in me, plus the fact that i DID suffer a traumatic event.

        i think as long as you can recognize those feelings still and be able to reach out for help, you are okay.

        it does take longer to feel safe and secure though, to enjoy life on a day to day basis instead of always wondering what's going to happen tomorrow. i can see the parallels between my home situation and the previous sentence.

        i don't believe life comes in streaks of good and then bad. i think it's your attitude and the confidence you feel in yourself to be able to know that you can handle whatever happens, be it good or bad, is the goal of what is lasting peace and enjoyment of daily life.

        i love to hear about shortcake! i'm happy cj got into general motors! i hope b surprises you and stands up to help you when you have your surgery.

        it makes me sad that you see yourself as mentally ill and that you feel you babble. you are an open and honest person and that is one of your endearing qualities. change that "stinking thinkin" and say, yes, i have probs, but i can handle them. there is no stigma to be mentally ill, but to me that means you cannot handle daily life. chris, you have been handling so much for so long. you are one of the most competent people i know. that's what everyone does, they handle daily life and whatever it brings. sure, we all get overwhelmed, discouraged, afraid. if talking about your probs makes you feel manic, and i understand that...then don't. just post happy stuff for awhile. give the negatives one sentence. get manic about the positives! that's just my humble opinion.

        it takes a sensitive person to forget their troubles long enough to spread their positivity to new people on this forum and i'm glad we all do that!

        thank you for sharing and caring ,
        jeannie
        WE ARE BT!
        "The world is a better place when you're barefoot." Mark
        "Don't go there unless you know the way back." TC
        "...there will be an answer. Let it be." Paul McCartney

        Comment


          #5
          Congratulations, I hope everything was up from here on.

          Comment


            #6
            I understand the way your feeling. Just hope it gets better for you. Maybe after your sugery and CJ started his new job you can lay back and enjoy the good times.

            Loved the orange room! Shortcake's little mustache. Is he proud?

            ((((CHRIS)))) you take care of yourself.
            Take care,
            Dawn

            Comment


              #7
              I had missed about shortcake and his scores. I am so happy and I know you must be bursting with hapinness also.

              Comment


                #8
                Wow the last few weeks have been a real rollercoaster ride. Seems this ride just keeps going up. CJ had his first day of work yesterday. Orientation and showing where he will be working. He was fortunate enough to get to pick his shift. He chose 1st thank God; 7-3:30. He will be starting at over $15 an hour and starts for sure today. No idea about benefits and stuff, they are finding out because he is considered a temp for now so they can do whatever they want. He is also going to work his last two weeks out of Diplomat Pharmacy headquarters. He is going to be whipped by the time he gets home if they decide to let him finish but they may tell him he is good and to contact them if he wants to go back. He is kind of bummed to be leaving his cushy desk job but the pay ceiling isn't high enough unless he actually moves much higher up the ranks. Seems he was on his way cause every time he got a promotion GM called for him to come in within days lol. He also has the first two weeks off of my surgery so we don't have to worry about having someone here because I am going to do my very best to not be on it for at least three weeks. It is recommended about 4 weeks.

                My surgery is the 18th and doc says I will get my stitches out at 3 weeks then he says to use some sense and be careful. Also explained the proper way to wear orthotics. I kind of thought that the way most people were doing it was wrong, just didn't make any sense to me. So once the swelling goes down from surgery new shoes, new orthotics.

                Shortcake is thrilled to be almost done with school and though he knows he will be going to a different school he hasn't seemed the least bit worried. I am finding that he has a lot of quirks that concern me. His encopresis is no better so therapy it is. He hates having to go sit on the toilet, he puts up a fuss most of the time and always has to close the window in the bathroom as though he is afraid someone may hear him using the toilet. He was constantly going around behind me closing doors and windows until I finally had it and ordered him to stop. He will sit in his room with the windows closed, the blind shut and his room like almost 90 degrees. So I have been making him make his bed and open up his room. He is getting better at it. I have asked him if he knows why he closes the windows and he acts like he doesn't know what I am talking about. He is afraid to be outside at night. Just a lot of little things.

                I have my craft room pretty much done. All bins sorted, my egg collection and my Princess Di stuff on display and everything I need for crafting is all accessible. My sewing machine needs to be rethreaded but besides that I am ready to go. It is full to the ceiling of things I love.

                Oh and before I forget, my baby brother contacted me the other day out of the blue to tell me he wants to sell me his portion of the house. He is starting a new life. He and his long time SO are split up and have been for a bit over a year. I didn't know it had been so long but time flies. Unfortunately for her she found out she has Leukemia and is being treated for it of course and she has found a new sucker with small children for her to ruin. Even her children don't know where she lives and she has pawned her only son of 16 off on his oldest sister and his middle sister who is but a year older than he is pregnant by a man in his 30s. She has always been precocious and use to try and hang all over my son and even CJ but after many arguments and rants she finally stopped. She wasn't but 13 and 14 yrs old. Very scary. That she is pregnant is even scarier.

                According to SSI I will not get my money until next February. I get about 3 grand in August then the balance in February. I was flaming when I called but the lady I spoke with said that I can bring in a list of needs like bills and stuff and can petition to get my money. So I have an appt. next Thursday with them and plan to take some bills with me.


                Okay I am going to end this post because BT is causing my cursor to move slower than I am typing. FOr some reason this is the only site that does it to me but I have to tsop typing and wait for my curor to show up to check my spelling which screws up my \typing big time. OVbiously so will finsish some where else lol

                Comment


                  #9
                  chris...

                  about shortcake and the closing stuff...

                  i remember when i was around that age i used to do that also...mostly at night. i had to close the windows and lock the door and no matter how hot it was i always pulled the sheet up over me. i also started keeping things really neat (maybe not such a bad one). i remember having a lot of anxiety and it just sounds to me like maybe shortcake might be, too. i remember you said he didn't like your mom's house once...or was that b? anyway, maybe he feels something there, if these closing behaviors started when you moved.

                  i think therapy is great! maybe you can give his therapist this info and see if he opens up to her about any fears he has. i was also thinking about obsessive/compulsive behavior. he keeps doing it, yet doesn't know why.

                  i know, just what you needed to hear, but i could be wrong. he definitely, at the least, seems a bit anxious.

                  ,
                  jeannie
                  Last edited by tic chick; 06-07-2012, 09:09 AM.
                  WE ARE BT!
                  "The world is a better place when you're barefoot." Mark
                  "Don't go there unless you know the way back." TC
                  "...there will be an answer. Let it be." Paul McCartney

                  Comment

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