They called him today and told him to report for work on June 4th at 7 a.m. I am so happy I feel sick. Sick and scared for some reason lolol. Getting weird having things going like they are supposed to.
Shortcake brought home his Annual Progress Report today and scored in the top of the nation among same grade students for a final score of the school year.
My veggies are growing, I have my sewing room and am turning it into my dream room craft room, Shortcake is in his room and loves it. Still little odds and ends I need to do but both will prolly be a work in progress for a while yet.
Having surgery to remove my tumor on June the 18th and will be abed mostly for almost four weeks to give it time to heal properly so no more problems with it hopefully.
Am thinking of bringing B home in time to help me after my surgery. He is almost done with his community service, like 9 hours left, and then just his probation fees which is only about $150 that can be paid on the first of the month. One part misses him and wishes he was here to help and to talk to and another part of me just can't deal with all of the drama that affects him and the effect it in turn has on me. Every time he calls I feel like I have to brace myself for his depressed mood or else whining about what a loser his dad is. Kripes either he calls me 3 or more times a day or I don't hear from him for a day. The latter is rare lol. I do miss him terribly but am glad that he is turning out to be a great young man. Yes despite his occasional drinking and I am sure smoking pot.
I am so happy, my shortcake is using my craft room to make something he got for Christmas last year. He is the first to use it.
I feel terrible for not being here lately especially since I blabbed about spreading ourselves about. I am in a weird place mentally and if it weren't for the pain I might be relatively okay. Like coming here makes me more aware of my pain and my mental illness, mental illness mostly and once I delve into my own illnesses it makes me a bit manic and I am sure that makes no sense. I am also trying to change this constant mantra in my head that starts even before I open my eyes in the morning that says 'I have to do this and this and this and this needs to be done/paid/called on etc. I am trying to change it to 'I get to do this and this' which seems to be a bit better because a lot of what I want to do is a work in progress so I am trying to stay mellow about things. Quite frankly I feel on the edge of........something, I just don't know what it is and I am very afraid of it. Like this constant feeling of dread I can't seem to get rid of. Something nasty is right behind me and if I pretend it isn't there it then maybe it can't get me but I am always prepared just in case. UGH! I am rambling psycho babble but fear not I am doing okay.
I miss you all terribly and feel like a lousy friend and support if I'm not even gonna show up. Thinking of all of yous, hugs and love.
P.S. I have added some photos for any one who is interesteed that is also a work in progress
Shortcake brought home his Annual Progress Report today and scored in the top of the nation among same grade students for a final score of the school year.
My veggies are growing, I have my sewing room and am turning it into my dream room craft room, Shortcake is in his room and loves it. Still little odds and ends I need to do but both will prolly be a work in progress for a while yet.
Having surgery to remove my tumor on June the 18th and will be abed mostly for almost four weeks to give it time to heal properly so no more problems with it hopefully.
Am thinking of bringing B home in time to help me after my surgery. He is almost done with his community service, like 9 hours left, and then just his probation fees which is only about $150 that can be paid on the first of the month. One part misses him and wishes he was here to help and to talk to and another part of me just can't deal with all of the drama that affects him and the effect it in turn has on me. Every time he calls I feel like I have to brace myself for his depressed mood or else whining about what a loser his dad is. Kripes either he calls me 3 or more times a day or I don't hear from him for a day. The latter is rare lol. I do miss him terribly but am glad that he is turning out to be a great young man. Yes despite his occasional drinking and I am sure smoking pot.
I am so happy, my shortcake is using my craft room to make something he got for Christmas last year. He is the first to use it.
I feel terrible for not being here lately especially since I blabbed about spreading ourselves about. I am in a weird place mentally and if it weren't for the pain I might be relatively okay. Like coming here makes me more aware of my pain and my mental illness, mental illness mostly and once I delve into my own illnesses it makes me a bit manic and I am sure that makes no sense. I am also trying to change this constant mantra in my head that starts even before I open my eyes in the morning that says 'I have to do this and this and this and this needs to be done/paid/called on etc. I am trying to change it to 'I get to do this and this' which seems to be a bit better because a lot of what I want to do is a work in progress so I am trying to stay mellow about things. Quite frankly I feel on the edge of........something, I just don't know what it is and I am very afraid of it. Like this constant feeling of dread I can't seem to get rid of. Something nasty is right behind me and if I pretend it isn't there it then maybe it can't get me but I am always prepared just in case. UGH! I am rambling psycho babble but fear not I am doing okay.
I miss you all terribly and feel like a lousy friend and support if I'm not even gonna show up. Thinking of all of yous, hugs and love.
P.S. I have added some photos for any one who is interesteed that is also a work in progress
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