Spending the day in my room

[Ging]

I have had enough of the emotional and verbal abuse..I am now in my room and weighing my two choices ...yep only two..
I can file for divorce and hope I can find some assistance some how, since I have no money except SS.or since SS isn't enough to live on even on poverty, or choice#2... I may just have to opt for the long dirt nap.
49 years of this and I have nothing. My children are grown with families of their own , small children to raise.my DH has memory issues and has anger issues and was seeing a psychologist, but he said he could not help him anymore. ( at least that is what he said) So today I am very down is an understatement, I am sorry, I just had to vent and get this out of me before I explode, I do not have any other options, so Monday I will see if I can get an appointment with an attorney, and maybe , just maybe he or she can give me some direction. I have been looking for a support group that is free to see if that would lift me up , just having validation about my feelings and to know why these things upset me. Right now...I am a very troubled GING :(

[Buttons2]

Ging,you will feel better tomorrow! this is a low time for sure,however it will get better! it's good you came here to vent. everyone needs to let it go @ times. life has a way of piling up the bad stuff until we feel we cannot take it anymore.

divorce doesn't happen real quick. finding a good lawyer is the first step. I hope you find one that will work for YOU. and yes he/she should be able to provide alot of guidance. one thing to consider is writing down everything you need answers to,and depending on the circumstances,write down what has been going on. it's easier for a person to read a story than listen (think every minute costs $$ with a lawyer.

as for the money issues? you have to trust that you will be better off,maybe not at first but eventually.

too bad BT is very slow on weekends,by Monday there should be more people here to provide support.

keep in mind it's a full moon tonight. so be safe & sane & tell yourself to not give up!we do care ((((hugs))))Pati

[tic chick]

((((ging)))) ,

ging, i'm sorry it has come down to this. knowing you cannot be with a person you have been with for most of your life and seeing how he has changed is heartbreaking. i understand.

i'm going to give you the best advice i can.

when you go to the lawyer, tell him about the abuse and your husband's mental issues. i don't know which state you live in, but ask your attorney what the procedure is to get guardianship of your husband and have him declared mentally incompetent. if he has been going to a psychiatrist and the psychiatrist says he cannot help him any more, most likely your husband is mentally ill and/or has some kind of dementia. give the name of the psychiatrist to the lawyer.

usually what happens is the lawyer will contact the department of social services in your state or the family court or some state agency that deals with this. they will send someone to your home who can professionally evaluate your husband. i would have a friend there with me when this happens. usually this person will make a recommendation to a judge and with the psychiatrist's notes on your husband's treatment, diagnosis and prognosis, they will make a determination about whether your husband is capable of handling his affairs. if not, you can ask to be appointed your husband's guardian or have the state appoint a guardian for him. if your husband wants to fight this, he would have to get his own lawyer and if he truly is mentally ill, the lawyer would tell him what would happen in court if your husband wanted to contest the hearing as to his competency.

if you are awarded guardianship and your husband needs nursing home care, your lawyer would be able to advise you about keeping your house and money and part of your assets so you could live by yourself. the state cannot take all the money you have for your husband's care, they have to leave you money to live on and they cannot force you to sell your home if you neeed a place to live.

ging...i advised a friend to do this with his mother. his mother was living in squalor because she was a hoarder. my friend went to a lwayer and his mother was declared incompetent to handle her affairs and live by herself. he got his mother into a nursing home and with the right medication, she was able to live several years peacefully and understand that she had a grandchild and was able to see him.

the reason i would do it this way is it does sound like your husband has mental probs caused by whatever illness he has. if you just divorce him, you'll have to split your assets and your home is going to be up for grabs. if you go for having him declared legally incompetent, he would be eligible for state care and you would keep the home and be able to live there by yourself.

this is my honest opinion and best advice i can give when i read about your situation. ask your lawyer whether having your husband declared legally incompetent or getting a divorce would give YOU the best financial and emotional outcome.

my prayers go out to you and i do hope the lawyer can help you.

jeannie

[Beader]

Ging,

I'm so sorry to read about your situation. It sounds horrible & you have every right to be upset. Any sane person would be. Look around to see if you can find a support group live & in person that's near you. Check thru your hospital & church & women's centers. Or your local mental health center -- they should hold regular groups. A group can be a bit scary at first, but then it becomes a true lifeline. Best of luck & lots of hugs.

Sherri

[houghchrst]

Oh Ging I am so sorry this is happening. How heartbreaking for you. I am sure that if it came down to it you would make it just fine on your own. There are a lot of organizations out there that can help if you need it even legal help. Just a matter of tenacity and checking down avenues you wouldn't normally think of.

((((HUGS))))

[dawnmn]

Ging, so sorry that you have been dealing with this for so long. No one should live like that. Jeannie gave you good advise. Please check in with us so we know that you are o.k.