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Thread: Still Hangin' in there

  1. #11
    Distinguished Community Member JanM's Avatar
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    I now tell Hank that the doctor has said that he has to stay here (the NH) for a while and he says "F_ _ _ the doctor! I'm NOT staying here." Then he puts his hands out, palm down, and makes them quiver. To which I say, "Is your blood sugar low, your hands do that when you are low." I gave Hank a haircut on Easter and brought him an Easter basket with goodies in it. After he got upset with me I left with him telling me to take the basket with me. I just kept walking and left the basket there.
    I'm just where God wants me to be, not one step ahead nor one step behind........

  2. #12
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    Jan, hopefully next visit will go better for YOU. Hank is very angry right now & he has no control. you're doing the best you possibly can. treat yourself in some way-a massage might be good! buy some flowers. your life is worth living,don't be giving it away on things you have no control over. ((((hugs)))) Pati

  3. #13

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    Jan, sounds like your husband still has his anger directed at you.

    The advantage I had was that before my husband went to the nursing home, he was in the in-unit of the VA mental health center. The NH at first was like a Shangri-La compared to over there. I at times had threatened to take him back there.

    So oh yes he still had the anger issues but they were no longer directed at me but to the staff or persons taking care of him. This has been an un-going problem with him even after he was transferred to the NH he is in now. They tell me that he would swear at them worse than a drunken sailor.

    My husband had urological problems that sent him over the deep end. That is the excuse I would use from not taking him home. Oh sure there were times that I did bring him home for visits but darn at times that I did without one of the kids being with us, he would just put up a fit.

    Just wondering but would think your husband might have some physical ailments too. If so would it be possible for you to use that as a way for him to believe that temporarily he has to stay put.

    The best is to avoid confrontations with him. Try best to change the subject otherwise he will have you going round and round. The more that happens , he will just get angrier just like what is occurring now making it necessary for you to leave.

    Hopefully in your case you will be able to find the right approach that will work.

    Take Care

    mrs j

  4. #14
    Distinguished Community Member JanM's Avatar
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    There is no changing of the subject, 'cause he always comes back to it. I limit my visits to ewo a week. Of couse, the "hens" don't know why I never come to see him. I gave 2 of them an earful on Easter......'nuff said!!!! He needed denture stick'em and I went after my "Pink Lady" awards dinner to bring him some. Like the coward I am, I handed it to the nurse and asked to see that he got it.
    I'm just where God wants me to be, not one step ahead nor one step behind........

  5. #15
    Distinguished Community Member houghchrst's Avatar
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    Jan there is nothing cowardly about it. It is called self preservation and we all got it at some level. You have yourself to think of also.

  6. #16
    Distinguished Community Member JanM's Avatar
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    Pills from the VA came here and I went to the NH at suppertime to deliver them. Tomorrow I am dog-sitting for a friend for a couple of days. Bandit and Dusty are two older dogs and have nothing to prove to each other I just have to watch that Bandit doesn't decide to go the 3 blocks to home.. Dusty has gotten a nice short haircut and a bath so I won't have to spend a half hour picking grass burrs from his legs and tummy. Grass burrs are about half inch long and are like needles If one doesn't remove them they start to dig into the skin, the nasty buggers.
    I'm just where God wants me to be, not one step ahead nor one step behind........

  7. #17

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    Jan it surprises me that the NH is accepting any outside medication.
    When I took the meds from the VA over to the NH, I was told that their own Dr. prescribed the meds unless a script would be sent to them directly from the VA or his own outside medical Dr. Their policy was then using an outside pharmacy were the meds are individually packaged and thus every pill can then be accounted for.

    This is what I was told here. Maybe each state has their own rules regarding this. My husband does not use the VA as his medical source now. After 9 months of the NH and the VA not getting on the same page regarding his urological problems, the Dr. at the VA told me that it was then up to the NH since that is where he was staying and calling the shots for him to be seen by their DRS. In other words even though I had power of attorney because of some so called NH rules in regard to catherization would have meant for me to keep him there or take him home.

    I remember wrestling and almost was on the verge of taking him home. I donít know if you remember a lady named Tootsie (she has since passed). But she urged me at that time because of his behaviors not to take him home. She offered me some very good advice at that time. I think those posts are still somewhere in the archives.

    Anyway I didnít take him home, his urological problems were never resolved.

    Sorry for the long post, like I said surprised me about the NH accepting the meds from you.

    Hope your time goes well spent with the dogs you are caring for. I have heard for some having these pets around can just ease and relax a personís mind. I hope it does for you.

    Take Care and hope better days will be coming for you

    mrs j


  8. #18
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    Jan,doubt anyone would ever consider you a coward! curious what a Pink Lady award is? and good for you telling the NH staff off! hope the doggies will bring a smile.

    Mrs J. I often think of Tootsie. she was a wise woman & will always be missed.

  9. #19
    Distinguished Community Member JanM's Avatar
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    Every April the "Pink Ladies" have their Awards dinner and Installation of officers. The awards are given for hours worked. At each milestone set of hours one gets a bar to hang from a pin one gets after the first 100 hours. e.g. 1000, 2000, 5000 hours, etc plus incoming officers get a bar honoring them for holding an office. Me, I am happy to be one of the indians, and not a chief.

    Hank's meds come to the house and I bring them unopened to the NH It never occurred to me to open them. I think the NH sends the enclosed re-order form to the VA
    I'm just where God wants me to be, not one step ahead nor one step behind........

  10. #20

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    Oh Jan , I never opened the pkg. sent through the mail containing the med either. I know when he was home his meds used to come through the mail with the correct amount in a bottle just like when you get it from the pharmacy. If refills were indicated was a number to call along with a re-order form.

    This NH did not want his meds this way. So whatever medication he was taking they would have their own NH Dr. order it. They wanted it done this way cause every pill was individually packaged and wrapped. They really indicated to me that they did not want to deal with the VA system. They wanted their own pharmacy to fill all his meds.

    So it sounds like the NH is in full co-operation with the VA in your area. If so that would be one less thing for you to worry about.

    Take Care
    mrs j

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