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Thread: do you ever miss your normal life

  1. #1
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    Default do you ever miss your normal life

    Most of the time I deal with my chronic pain and all that goes with it even if I don't like it much. I often forget how every part of my life is impacted by the pain and impairment I have. Once in a great while, whether it is seeing someone around town or on tv, it hits me that I used to have a normal life where I could do so many things. I see people do the things that people do every day of their lives and it dawns on me that my life isn't like that any more. I can never run just to feel the joy of running or plan on a trip to the state park along with a number of other things I would love to do. I am thankful my wife isn't a person that has to be out and about all the time to feel good about her life.

    I am not dealing with depression or anything like that, this is just one of those brief times where life's reality hits me. Thankfully I don't think about this all the time or it would get too depressing. Do any of you have these moments where it hits you that your life isn't normal any more?
    1979 spinal issues, 1993 lumbar microdisectomy L3-4, 1996 360 3 level lumbar fusion L2-5, 1999 open thoractomy fusion T8-9,
    2002 C3-7 herniations and T4-7 herniations, 2004 total disability, a new limited life

  2. #2
    Distinguished Community Member Barque's Avatar
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    Unhappy

    I DREAM about a normal life.

  3. #3
    Distinguished Community Member houghchrst's Avatar
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    Egads! Every day. Every day I see a parents dashing across my child's school parking lot to pick up their child while I wait for mine to come out and hope he does so in a timely manner cause if I have to go in and get him it is a major trek.

    Every time I see a commercial for vacation spots. I am coming in to a bit of money and I want to take my family on a major vacation. Preferably to an amusement park because my SO has never been on a real roller coaster. P
    oor guy lol. I want to be with him when he takes his first ride. That sounds so ridiculous now that I reread it. A roller coaster ride. Of all things.

    I want my child to visit Disneyland but there is no way I could walk through there and I do not have any kind of wheelchair or anything. Don't think my insurance would even pay for one.

    I use to play badminton, basketball, baseball. I love gardening and now finally after all these years of city living I have my dream yard and it will probably take me the rest of my life to get it the way I dream. Not long enough time to enjoy it.

    I am learning to not focus on it so much, seems a constant work in progress
    . I am trying to follow your advice Mark that you PMed me a while back . About focusing on the day, the moment, and not what you can't do but what you can and all the things you have to be grateful for. We all have something to be grateful for. I like to throw lots of laughter in there too.

    It is hard when I am constantly reminded of my inabilities in every thing I try to do. What is even worse is seeing how my disability wears on those I love. There is always that niggling 'would SO be better off with someone who can instead of who can't and will that eventually be the case' because being with someone who is disabled mentally and physically is exhausting. Shoot it is exhausting being disabled
    .

    Barque I dream of dancing all the time. Dressing in beautiful, fancy, sexy dresses and dancing. Everything from fancy waltzes to current music. Walking everywhere.
    Last edited by houghchrst; 03-20-2012 at 01:13 PM.

  4. #4
    Distinguished Community Member Barque's Avatar
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    Red face

    Dancing in front of a mirror and enjoying yourself just a little would even be nice.

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    Bar, yep even the simple things would be nice any more.

    Christina, just remember it is SO choice and not your choice so don't worry about depriving him. I used to worry about the same thing but I learned I have no control over someone else so I just focus on what I can do. I hope you can enjoy each part of your yard as you get it done so you can get some pleasure from it before it is completed.

    Thanks for the responses as it often feels like we are outsiders watching others live. I do focus on what I can do but some of the missing things creep into my thoughts now and then.
    1979 spinal issues, 1993 lumbar microdisectomy L3-4, 1996 360 3 level lumbar fusion L2-5, 1999 open thoractomy fusion T8-9,
    2002 C3-7 herniations and T4-7 herniations, 2004 total disability, a new limited life

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    Unhappy Hi All

    Life - what life? My life revolves around Pills doctors appointments Etc. I am very grateful for all the many blessings we have, make no misteak, but being a cp'er is HARD. Just last month, our clinic called us to tell us we had to reschedule - I am like what the F--- someone should know our therapy - it took my S/O a bit of time but our scripts were put in the system. The hell it put her and me through was unbelievable. I am going to put a letter in both our files stating that due to the medication we are on, appointments CANNOT be rescheduled without provision made for us to get our scripts when we are supposed to. I have a lot more to say - just not the energy.
    More later
    blessings
    alex44
    skypilot

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    Alex, that is what I am talking about. We don't have a very big life and I miss what I use to be able to do and the possibilities I could do if I chose. This life is very limited. I have to have a crown that broke replaced but my dentist knows my limitations so she works around them. Because I can't predict how I will feel each day she has set up my appointment for the last of the day. That way if I can't make it I cancel it and set it up for the next day and so on. I have already had to cut an appointment short because of the back spasms I was going through so she has seen it in person. I am thankful for her whether she is the best dentist in town or not, not may are as understanding about my spinal issues.

    It is just every now and then I see people doing everyday things and I remember that I did those things too at one point in my life. For me that stopped at 30 so I didn't have too many "normal" years. The thing that gets to me is how it has effected my family and it hasn't been easy to go through it. Despite the problems I am very thankful for my wife. She could walk away and never have to deal with disability again but she stays and goes through it with me. She doesn't always understand and sometimes she says things that really hurt but she still stays here and many days acts as if there isn't anything she is giving up but I know better.
    1979 spinal issues, 1993 lumbar microdisectomy L3-4, 1996 360 3 level lumbar fusion L2-5, 1999 open thoractomy fusion T8-9,
    2002 C3-7 herniations and T4-7 herniations, 2004 total disability, a new limited life

  8. #8
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    Mark, I understand about the canceling and rescheduling. I have had to do that off and on for the past 12 years. And I am going to my dentist on Monday for a long drawn out procedure. It won't be fun because holding my mouth open for that long always leads to an occipital headache. But it has to be done. Anyway, we are all limited. But like you, we work around it. In your other posts you said you got the grass cut, helped the kids, etc. I think that's great!! I know you have to stop and play catch up, so do I. But I'll tell ya, I wish my husband had that kind of knowledge (woodworking and what not). But as it stands, we have to hire people. So in a lot of ways you are lucky you can do this and save money. Helping your kids on their new home is also wonderful! We have kids and grandkids that are out of state. I wish they were here in town. But they aren't. So, we have to stay in contact other ways. And we miss them. So all of this is our NORMAL. Sure, we are limited. I watched my husband sleep almost all the time over the winter and all due to Neurontin. Thank goodness he is off of that now. Like me, he couldn't tolerate it. But I never became angry because I was the same way...kicked my behind! Anyway, my point being, there are work arounds. I know I have found them and I think you have too. When I made my trip to PA last summer, I had to plan way in advance as I can't drive for long periods. Thank goodness it worked out well. And I am one that does like to get out. Going to lunch even if for an hour, is a good thing because a person doesn't become so isolated. I do this a lot with my mother since she is alone and has had her own health issues. So every chance I get I spend a lot of time with her. I don't know how much longer she will be around. Anyway, I look at it this way. Yes, we are limited and sure we miss what we used to be able to do. But even without spinal disorders and chronic pain, both of us (husband and myself) highly doubt we would be doing those things simply because of our age. I tend to think that even with these aches and pains; sometimes moderate, sometimes severe, but always every day we are content. He and I both feel we have lived very full lives so there is no lamenting here...none that I have heard anyway. Sure, we don't like it but it is what it is. I actually hate that saying but there is not much one can do about it. You just make the best out of what you have been handed. I read a great quote the other day which was, "Don't let your mind become your greatest disability." I know it sounds like a platitude but there is a lot of truth in that.
    C3/C4 ACDF - 2004, C5/C6 ACDF - 2006
    L5/S1 - Facet Degeneration
    Lumbar Facet Rhizotomy L4, L5, S1 (left side) 2007
    Retired - DOD/Defense Finance & Acctg/IT - 2005

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    Community Member Diandra's Avatar
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    Yes Mark....I would say I have these moments several times per week. When just going to the supermarket for a handful of items or running any errand takes alot of energy and planning. Just getting dressed, driving to the market, and then shopping and driving home does me in. There have been days when I am close to tears because I shopped for too long and am stuck waiting in the checkout line and feel I cannot standup one more minute, let alone get the groceries out to the car and back home. There is a market near me that has those motorized carts that are great but the last two times I used them, they ran out of a charge before I finished and I had to go get a regular cart and transfer everything....I did cry that day. Also, when I see people jog past my house....I think, I used to be able to do that. It is a good topic....it is not a depression, just a realization of the facts. Diandra

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    Kathi, yes we find ways to work around our disability and I focus on the things I can do even though it takes 5 times longer to get it done. I am very thankful for the things I can still do as I find there are things I can't do now that I used to be able to do. One is I can't take trips over a couple of hours like I was able to do a couple of years ago. Life is about getting around our shortcomings and doing what we can but once in a while it hits me that I can't do even the little things others and I used to do.

    Diandra, sorry to hear the store doesn't keep the scooters charged the way they should. I too find simple shopping trips something I have to plan for and pay a big price for doing it. Thanks for sharing as I know many of us have a hard time shopping any more.
    1979 spinal issues, 1993 lumbar microdisectomy L3-4, 1996 360 3 level lumbar fusion L2-5, 1999 open thoractomy fusion T8-9,
    2002 C3-7 herniations and T4-7 herniations, 2004 total disability, a new limited life

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