Here's what happened

[houghchrst]

Jan you did perfectly right by the kids now you mustn't let it bother you any more. I am so glad you are safe and yes it is hard to see what is really happening when you are in the thick of it. I am sure you feel horrible about Hank being there and seeing him wanting to be home and not having a clue what is going on has got to be hard on you. Don't let guilt get the better of you and don't let him try and make you feel guilty to come home. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You are doing what it best for the both of you. Has any type of therapist or social worker come in and talked to him to get him to understand what is going on? I mean I know he is processing as best as he can but having someone besides family come in might help.

As for the missing link at church, you might want to remind him that his behavior is not exactly Godlike and is very insensitive.

Now.....breathe deep and slow......in and out. Enjoy a few moments of peace and quiet and that guilty little bit of relief that for a few moments you can walk around the house naked without getting groped.

[Jo6]

lol @ Christina, missing link at church? Well, you are putting it much nicer than I would have, but since it was at church missing link will do. Guess I better ask Jan about that

Jan, you get you some rest and relaxation. You are probably lacking in those departments. You are one stong lady and I know you can fix anything around the house that needs fixing, but take it easy. Spend more time with "Jan time".
all my love, Jo

[JanM]

I visited with Hank today and although I had to explain what happened more than several times he is starting to understand why he is where he is. I keep telling him that he is there because he has to be safe and so do I. I am planning to bring Dusty again this weekend.

Funny you should mention fixing stuff. I was cutting the grass and I didn't notice one of the rear tires had went flat. Only after the tire was half off the rim did I see it. I have a guy that will fix it as soon as I can get a new tire on Friday. Yup, crap happens.

[Jo6]

Gosh Jan, you don't have to catch Everything up at once! lol

Sorry about the tire, but you haven't exactly been all relaxed and doing nothing lately. I do suppose cutting the grass could be theraputic though.

I'm glad Dusty has been good for Hank and Dusty too. Just a word or 2 of being careful. Please don't turn your back on Hank. The time Mary hurt me the worse was after we placed her in the NH. I didn't see it comming, not in my wildest dreams. She also hurt her daughter pretty bad too.

Any advice I spew out, just take it or leave it. It's only because I love you so and know you aren't well yourself. I'm not being bossy or trying to say I know it all. If I knew it all I would have realized MIL had only gotten worse, not better and the strangest things seem to set her off!

I hope your own health will improve and life will get better for you. Of course you love Hank and you don't stop loving him because they are sick and aren't respondsible for their actions. Alzheimer's D. is one horrible disease and it is my prayer they will find a cure or at least find something to help the patient.

Well, you take care and watch out for the SLOBS!. I got a feeling you could out do one of those in a New York min.

all my love, Jo

[JanM]

The day all of this happened (the 7th) Hank had an eye appointment in Abilene. The VA had discovered that he has Macular (sp?) Degeneration & a bleed in his left eye. Of course, we didn't make the appointment. After Hank was settled in the Manor I told the director about it and they remade the appointment, but it will be in Big Spring instead. The Manor will take Hank and they have informed me of the time and date so I can meet them there. I won't take him because I'd never get him back into the Manor. I will also park around the corner from the doctor's office that day so he won't see the truck.

[joy]

Jan it is good for my insides to hear from you. I think you have done only what has been the best for all involved. Not much relief in knowing this but I hope you take it to heart dear Jan. You are well thought of by us all. take care

[Smiling Angel]

Jan, I'm not sure if we've ever 'talked' before, but for some reason, this thread was in my list of subscribed threads, so I decided to read through it all. Bless your heart, you have really been thru alot, just in all you've posted here, I do not know any further history of your marriage. I just wanted to say that you are so lucky that Hank didn't hurt you badly with all of those altercations, and I'm glad he is in a nursing home now. Despite his pleas, I think you realize that he MUST stay where he is for both his and your safety!! I worked in a nursing home for two years, and saw alot of alzheimers patients, and my 89 y.o. Dad was just getting into alzheimers when he died of heart disease. As you have seen, they have no memory of previous vsits, conversations, etc. You may feel sorry for him, but that's where it must end. Also, if your visits are so upsetting to both of you, perhaps you can pare down those visits, going less often. As far as 'his kids', you did all you need to do, at least they were notified.

I have ben through many tough and terrible times since 2003, but of a totally different type, but I just wanted to let you know you are a very strong woman, and hope that you can get on with your life in peace and safety, with Hank being taken care of.

Best of everything to you. Stay strong.

Gentle hugs, Jacquie, aka Smiling Angel :angel:

[JanM]

Thank you all for your kind words and advice. I think the courage to be strong with Hank has come from y'll. I read your struggles about dealing with the trails of ALZ and knew what I had to do with Hank. I know we each have our different stories, but they all boil down to the same outcome.. God has given y'll the strength to do what must be done and God leads us to the proper time to do it. Y'll are in my prayers "Somebody Is Praying Me Through" it's the title of a Allen Asbury Christian singer) song and YES, I bought the T-shirt.....!!!!!!!

[Jo6]

First thing I do when I log on is hunt down your post. With all that you have been thru, knowing somewhat you will go thru before this is over you always are bright and smilng and just full of hope for us all.

When I grow up I want to be just Like YOU!!

I do love you so and I have come to think of you and Hank as "family"! Now you be good to yourself and God indeed will see you through.

Love you, Jo