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Thread: How to Date an Aspie?

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  1. #1
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    Question How to Date an Aspie?

    Hi All,

    I started dating a man about a year ago & couldn't quite figure out why we were having such difficult communications problems. Finally my therapist surmised that he might have Aspergers as well as his wife who had died two years prior. I am certainly NOT trying to lay all the blame on his illness, but there are so many things about him that I don't understand. Please, don't anyone take offense at my lack of knowledge, OK? The man also has considerable dyslexia and auditory processing problems from what I can tell -- never diagnosed.

    One of the things I don't get is why he'll suddenly throw an insult aimed at me into an otherwise normal conversation out of the blue. Often he claims he doesn't consider it to be an insult but rather "a statement of fact" or "an observation". These remarks are cutting and painful to me, especially when I've revealed them to be very difficult issues from my past. Another area is that he considers everything to be black or white or, as he says, "beautiful" or "ugly". It seems that when he dislikes something, it then becomes "ugly". Emotions seem to be a very foreign country for him, which is distressing for me. I may write quite a long email and get back a one liner, generally ignoring the emotional component & telling me to just get on with it.

    OK, enough for now. I'd appreciate any feedback available. Please forgive my lack of knowledge re Aspergers.

    Sher

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    I am sorry nobody ever replied to you. These forums used to be so active, and a few people drove everyone out I guess. I am wondering what happened to you with this gentleman.

  3. #3
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    Thanks Keggy. I was blasted on another forum for not knowing enough or wrongly diagnosing Aspergers or being mean, etc. etc.

    The man is still my neighbor a few blocks away & we've remained friendly & help each other out around the house & yard. When we were "dating", we were constantly fighting & I never knew if we had broken up or not. At some random time, he decided we had without telling me, and started doing internet dating from his other house in NYC. Then some friends of his dead wife discovered someone in their synagogue who they figured would get along well & introduced them. They had been dating for months before he decided to inform me during a formal dinner with 40 other people in the room. I felt stunned, hurt, betrayed, angry -- the entire gamut. But there were still 39 folks there within earshot. Cool sensitive move, eh?

    The less invested I am in his eccentricities, the better we get along. But now his "New Girlfriend" comes down to Maryland to our small community & I feel uncomfortable hanging out while she's there. Maybe if I had more good friends here, it would bother me much less. Ooo, & even he admits that she's something of an "odd duck" so maybe that's why they get along. It's funny, I've heard that his dead wife was quite bossy & dominant & may have been an Aspie herself, but apparently this one just passively tags along w/ whatever he says or decides to do.

    I guess I've spent a lifetime thinking for myself & am quite content to continue doing so.
    Sher
    My Life Menu: CFS probably since birth, full flavored since the 80s, with Fibromyalgia, Major Depression with a side order of Anxiety and Agoraphobia sauce, Restless Leg Syndrome with spicy Other Sleep Disorders, 11 Eye Surgeries, a generous helping of Gut Problems

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