So how do I quit being such an idiot, and stop trying?

[Montyjack]

Distilling the facts, no pun nor dark humor intended:

Economics, age, no family nor "landing spot" make flight not an option.

I keep trying to smooth things over, keep trying for fresh start, forgive and forget, realize life is pretty good, being pleasant better than being in a rage, etc. etc. ad nauseam. I get name calling, apathy, irritability. I am not a stupid woman otherwise, and I understand the principles of emotional addiction. Wonderful intellectual comprehension. Miserable emotional state; marginal balancing act.

I really care more about the relationship than I do about filling my life with stuff and mildly absorbing hobbies that he sniffs at or ridicules. Worn out with unfulfilling volunteer work; don't drive much anymore.

So he's taking a little out of town field trip to see his single, mortifyingly boring brother over new year's. Thank goodness for the kind hearted, "been there, done that" supporting people on these forums.

[jingle]

Probably in your area there is a domestic abuse clinic that will help. In my small town it's A.L.I.V.E and they are life savers..... emotional and/or battery.
And they are FREE. (They appreciate it you can pay some amount but you are never asked for a cent - it's never even mentioned.)
Fantastic, safe, professional, kind, gentle help offered in so many ways it's almost impossible to believe.
If you don't know of any in your region I suggest that you just telephone the police station and ask them for the phone number.
Best wishes.
Please stay in touch

[Buttons2]

well first you're not an idiot. but you do need help. and it's a fact that nobody can help you until you are ready to make a change. hope you enjoyed the time out. one thing is a fact: if you don't take control of your own life,then you are allowing him the control. is that what you really want? you are still young enough to have a life ya know!

[Montyjack]

I'll try to pull myself up to that today. Had just an awful, awful crash yesterday to which my husband responded by shouting at me. I've never, ever been this down or this close to the end, though I was close once before. I went to what I thought was an emergency counseling session, and they Bakered me! I wasn't suicidal, wasn't homicidal, I was utterly heart broken over the loss of a "friend", and couldn't stop crying. I was abused by the hospital staff, and that, my friends, is a fact.

As a consequence, I am terribly distrustful of anyone who could similarly restrict my freedom. But I am so, so down and right on the edge with everything, including my husband who has done nothing to help. He'll return to his hobby room shortly where he'll stay for the next 10 hours. I would just love to smash all of it.... I won't, of course. But I want to.

There's no loving support, no help, no kindness...nothing from this fellow I've helped in every way, including caring for him through 3 back surgeries.

He is selling off our property, including our beloved summer home, in order to downsize and get our businesses in order, but I see no hope for the future with what those changes will allow us to do. We have to sell now, as I can't manage it later.

Just babble, just crazy old babble.

[Buttons2]

well everyone has their breaking point. hopefully it helps to vent. if I've neglected to invite you to join into the emotional support forum-I'm doing it now. great bunch of people & I promise you will be welcomed & get support. hang in there!

[StormCloud Fire]

FInally I divorced After 15years of Mental abuse NO longer able to work. the toll on our life generated a relationship as my Daughter described as ELECTRIC and NUCLEERShe often Went out to be away from the atmosphere my wife and i generated. LIke you I didnt know how I would survive the early days of a Separation > I look bavk and wonder why I didnt do it years before!!! I made it despite the lossed and Recovered now retired Old man I am doing well. I didnt own a car untill now 9 years that ws hard but I had bus stops close by . I llearned how to use them . A car costs e about $350 per month ! now I know why I couldnt have one . you do sacrifice but that is in the end worth the prace and time to learn top Love your self again. You tend to loose that ability blaming yourself for much of the problem.
I LOve my wife and al;ways did ands perhaps during this time appart IVe felt more love for her than ever . IS this Wrong I dont know But 37 years of love can never be erased dont try.

Break or stay IF its Physical Break If Mental its harder to decide. Break ! I should have long before ! That is perhaps my resolve of the situation. We are all different .Be yourself.


Peter

[Buttons2]

good for you Peter! and welcome to BT.this forum is not very active as you may have noticed. we'd love you to join on the Emotional support forum.

keep busy & don't dwell on the past. that was yesterday & it's gone now.

[Untamed Rose]

well first you're not an idiot. but you do need help. and it's a fact that nobody can help you until you are ready to make a change. hope you enjoyed the time out. one thing is a fact: if you don't take control of your own life,then you are allowing him the control. is that what you really want? you are still young enough to have a life ya know!

my sister and i have a foundation...working on our non profit papers now...that helps victims of domestic violence leave those situations...it is all made up of volunteers and so far we helped 1010 woman and children as well as 5 men ....(yes that number is unbelievably underreported) .....i just became a member here again after last having been here when it was still the original forum.
we have a website with teh contact information etc to get a hold of us....it has my sister story (alexandrea christianson) and a video about her case...and also my story (christiane heide) wich is one of emotional abuse....if you like please do go to our website https://www.angel-haven.com or message me here
sincerely
Christiane Heide...co founder of Angel-Haven Inc.

[Untamed Rose]

i think my original post did not post..this was my first post back in these community forums.....my sister and i have a volunteer organistationthat helps domestic abuse victims that feel they can not leave etc....... google alexandrea christianson or 'angel haven'....the web addy is that name with a DASH in between angel-haven ...it wont let me post the addy i think because i am a brandnew member again..:P...hope this one posts..i know we can help..have done it for hundreds of people...big hugs to all..there IS help out there