Distilling the facts, no pun nor dark humor intended:
Economics, age, no family nor "landing spot" make flight not an option.
I keep trying to smooth things over, keep trying for fresh start, forgive and forget, realize life is pretty good, being pleasant better than being in a rage, etc. etc. ad nauseam. I get name calling, apathy, irritability. I am not a stupid woman otherwise, and I understand the principles of emotional addiction. Wonderful intellectual comprehension. Miserable emotional state; marginal balancing act.
I really care more about the relationship than I do about filling my life with stuff and mildly absorbing hobbies that he sniffs at or ridicules. Worn out with unfulfilling volunteer work; don't drive much anymore.
So he's taking a little out of town field trip to see his single, mortifyingly boring brother over new year's. Thank goodness for the kind hearted, "been there, done that" supporting people on these forums.