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Thread: I need to know, did I do something wrong???

  1. #1
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    Question I need to know, did I do something wrong???

    I attend some support groups for various mental health conditions. Depression, anxiety, etc. .
    Anyhow, I have a very close friend, (at least, we were,) in these groups. Well, he's been going through
    an incredibly difficult time with some personal issues, lately. Anyhow, I've been absolutely, devastated,
    because, I can't do a thing, to help him. I mean, to the point, of sobbing, daily, because, I just want him to
    be happy, again!!:( Anyhow, the other day, I was at my groups and someone could see, I was pretty, upset
    about, something. So, they asked what was wrong. Well, since, I've been so upset, because, I can't help
    my friend, I guess, I just needed someone to talk to. So, I opened my big mouth and told them what was
    going on with our mutual friend and told them that I was so upset, because, I really want to help him, but,
    there's nothing, I can do. Now, I *never* did this, because, I was trying to *hurt* my friend who's, going
    through a tough time. I did it, because, I care about them so much, that, it's killing me, that, I can't
    just, make everything right for them, again. Anyhow, my friend found out what I revealed to our other
    mutual friend and, now, he's extremely upset with me, because, he feels, I've betrayed his confidence,
    so, now, he feels, he can't talk to me or trust me, anymore. But, he won't even, sit down and talk to me,
    about, it. I think, maybe, if, we could talk, maybe, he could/ would understand my position??
    Anyhow, I'd really like opinions on, what everyone thinks??

    Phyllis
    Last edited by Ponygirl; 11-24-2011 at 04:19 AM.

  2. #2
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    Hi Phyllis,

    I don't feel you did anything wrong. You talked to your friend and he didn't want to deal with the matter or maybe he didn't want to open up and face the truth so all you did is went to others and asked for
    advice. To me that's showing that you care about your friend and your friend needs to realize this. I had a few friends when I was in high school that had a hard time in life and they just wanted to end their life
    I would try talking to them time after time but it didn't work. Your friends first step into feeling better is to admit that he has some problems and then tell him to take a look around him and see all he should be
    greatful for. For yrs. I was depressed because of my epilepsy but then I began working with students who were abused, had emotional problems, and physcial problems much worse than my epilepsy and it woke me
    up and made me realize I am one lucky person. I wish you and your friend only the best of luck and May God Bless You Both!

    Sue

  3. #3
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    Default Sue, that, was my point!

    My friend did, talk to me about, *everything*, he was going through. I just talked to our other mutual
    friend, because, I was so upset, because, I couldn't do/ say anything, to help, my friend.

    Phyllis

  4. #4
    Distinguished Community Member tic chick's Avatar
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    "three people can keep a secret if two are dead". benjamin franklin
    phyllis, i'm so sorry you lost the trust of this friend. there is no way you can sit and talk to him about it because it would sound like you are trying to justify what you did because you felt so bad for him. and then it would be about you and not him. the best thing to do would probably be to send him a note or card and say, "I'm sorry i betrayed your trust. there was no excuse for it and i hope one day we can still be friends."

    phyllis, maybe you should have talked to your therapist about this if it was upsetting you to the point of tears, that would have been the best person to talk to. betraying the trust of a friend is just about the worst thing you can do. it is a privilege to be trusted with a friend's secrets. when the other person noticed how upset you were, you should have either lied and maybe brought up your own probs with your mom making you pay too much rent or said, "oh, i'm just worried about a few things." just because you are upset and another person asks why, doesn't mean you have to tell them the real reason or even anything. if they persist you keep deflecting back to a different subject or to your own problems. you are entitled to your own privacy.

    when friends entrust us with their secrets, i don't think they want us to worry and cry about them. what they want to do is vent, have someone listen to them and get support for whatever decision THEY make to handle their problems. we're supposed to listen, give support and keep their secret. that's what we should do.

    so apologize without giving any reasons for why you did it and hope your friend forgives you and you can at least talk to each other in the future.

    jeannie
    Last edited by tic chick; 11-24-2011 at 01:31 PM.
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    nobody is perfect Phyllis. please don't let this incident crush you. apologize,then drop it. you cannot take back what you said,so try to let it go.

    (((hugs))) Pati

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    Smile Thanks, guys!!

    I just hope he decides that he can forgive me, because, if he had done this to me, I know,
    he'd be forgiven in, a heart-beat!!!

    Phyllis

  7. #7
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    Default Okay! Now, I KNOW, EVERYONE is going to think, I'm a fruit-loop!!!...Lol

    Well, I bought Arthur a Christmas gift! Arthur is an *incredible* artist/ painter!!!:) Anyhow, I came
    across a beautiful acrylic paint set, which, had his name written all over it!! Well, you KNOW, I WASN'T
    going to let it just, sit there, right?!?...Lol Anyhow! I mean, if THIS, doesn't do it, I'll be shocked!!
    Stupid thing to do ??? Honesty, please!!;)

    Phyllis

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