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Thread: A Heavenly Reunion For Jim and Our Boys

  1. #11
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    There are no words to express my sorrow. I could tell that Jim was getting worse quite fast now, but then I would tell myself that Rose had pulled him out before and maybe it would just happen again.

    I am so sorry you have lost your third love, but as you said there is much to be done. We will count on John and Nancy to be there with you and we will be here for you.

    I am deeply sorry.

    I am praying for rest for you Rose. You are in my prayers.
    Virginia


  2. #12
    Distinguished Community Member SuzE-Q's Avatar
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    I have no doubt you will receive many messages of comfort and contact like you did today with the flowers blooming, you are intuitively in touch with both worlds I've noticed.

    I feel your care, strength and devotion allowed Jim's very sweet and caring disposition to continue to shine through, even during his later and most challenging appointments when he was feeling weak, tired and in pain as you shouldered part of the weight and never let him walk his path alone. You were quite the team.

    A love story.

    That song is simply stunning and reaches in to that vulnerable and emotional spot that needs to be touched and healed. Tears here!

    Thank you, I will listen to it again and again.
    Please Note that my posts may have been arbitrarily altered by a Moderator and may not reflect my original content.

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  4. #13

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    My dear sweet friend, I'm so very sorry to read of Jim's passing. My heart hurts for you and I know you must feel lost right now. I'll keep you in my prayers. It took me a bit to recall my user name and password to get here.

    Love,
    Lisa

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  6. #14
    Distinguished Community Member nuthatch's Avatar
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    Oh dear Rose, I am so sorry to hear of this heartbreaking loss. Through your writing, many of us have witnessed such incredible love and devotion you have shown for both Jim and your boys. Jim was blessed to have such loving care provided and managed by you, Rose, as I'm sure he knew and appreciated, and you were blessed to have found such a kind and loving man and father for your sons. It was obvious he loved you all deeply.
    Please take time for your body and heart to heal now, and allow yourself to feel joy and happiness again. I'm sure Jim and your sons would want that for you and you certainly deserve it.
    You're not alone, we're all here for you to support you.

    Many, many hugs to you, Rose.
    Joan, aka nuthatch

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  8. #15
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    Rose, I'm so so sorry for this tremendous loss. You have been a rock through this journey. I am blessed to have been a witness to such love and devotion you have shown for your family and anyone who comes here looking for support or advice. I can't imagine how deep the sadness goes for you. I'm glad you have some support nearby and hope you can lean on them. I pray that you will get some much needed rest and that you will take as good a care of yourself as you have done for your family. Your life has been that of a caregiver now you need to focus all that beautiful care and goodness on yourself. Your family has inspired and touched so many people I hope you can feel the love and be proud of all you do. The miracle of your wonderful care for Jim and the life you gave him throughout is something you will always carry with you knowing it was the best possible life together. Love, hugs, and many prayers for you.
    Mary Grace

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  10. #16
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    My dearest, dearest, sweet gentle Rose.

    There were tears flowing when I heard about your wonderful Jim. Although I didn't get to know him personally, your posts gave me a small glimpse of what a loving and caring man he always was despite the illness he had for the last few years. He was a loving husband, and a committed man to care the way he did for not only you, but also for Michael and Jonathan. I know that your sons benefited from his unconditional love.

    Rose, I am sure that when Jesus welcomed Jim home, his words would have been 'Well done good and faithful servant.' He is at peace now in a resurrected body. No pain, no tears, no sadness, and he is with Jonathan and Michael.

    Rose, the support you gave Jonathan and Michael and Jim was the best possible support and love that anyone could live. There were times of frustration, but you always showed compassion and dignity with all your posts.

    Even though you had very stressful times, you nevertheless have been able to contribute to our little community here in countless ways. I remember so well when Grant was put on Lamictal, and had a fever, his neurologist said that the Lamictal couldn't possibly be causing the high fever. But you knew Rose, you knew. You sent a message to me, and when Grant came out of ICU and was sent for a short time to another hospital, were were able to get Grant off the Lamictal, and within a few days the high fevers stopped and never came back.

    I know that your love for Jim and your sons, has touched countless people. Many people you don't even know have benefited with knowing you via the internet and elsewhere.

    Rose, there will be times of great sorrow and tears, but in time the sorrow will be turned to only very happy and fond memories of your precious husband.

    We are praying for you.

    With ALL our love,

    Paul, Alison and Grant the champ.
    Foster parent, now medical guardian and administrator
    for Grant the champ aged 30, yes 30!

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  12. #17
    Distinguished Community Member houghchrst's Avatar
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    Rose I am so sorry for your loss. I have no words to express how sorry I am. Please don't forget to take care of yourself in the coming days. You will need your strength.

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  14. #18
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    Default Day Two

    ((((((Hugs to All)))))) ~

    Thank you all so very much for your loving messages. I continue to be overwhelmed by your kindness and support, as the tears just pour down my cheeks as I read and re-read them.

    How can I convey to you how much you all mean to me over these past two decades, how much I love you and your loved ones, and how profoundly your friendship and love has touched my soul?

    How do I describe to you how blessed I am to know that our family has inspired you, helped you, given you hope and strength in times of need? This is my life’s purpose, to share with others our family’s experiences with a prayer that they will find something beneficial to apply to their journeys.

    You could give me no greater gift than sharing with me how our lives have helped you with your lives. Thank you so much for this gift.

    It’s so wonderful to be remembered by our members, who haven’t posted here for a long while. I miss you and wish that I knew how each of you and your loved ones are.

    When our police officer offered “trauma counseling” through the local social services, I thanked him and said, “I’ll be okay. I have a wonderful, large, worldwide support network. I am truly blessed.”

    God Bless You All and keep you safe, healthy, and strong. I love you.

    LAST NIGHT/THIS MORNING

    As promised, I ate and rested. I had a nice salad with avocado, black olives, marinated artichoke hearts, butter lettuce and cashews. Then, I had some of my favorite frozen mac ’n cheese (my comfort food).

    I continued to watch old movies, while in Jon’s recliner, until I fell asleep. I woke up at midnight, and then I went to the futon to finish sleeping. I woke up at dawn. At first, I was astonished, and my immediate response was to run into Jon’s bedroom to check Jim. “I overslept! Oh no!”

    Then, I realized that Jim is gone. I cried for awhile. Then, I got up and made fresh orange juice, my decaf, and dressed to take a walk.

    The sky was magnificent, and the air was so fresh and clean. That may be one of the only benefits of the pandemic. No one was out walking, so I was on my own and grateful. I needed time to get my bearings, to reflect on, well, everything. I walked 3/4 mi, and after all of this time not walking, that was a big accomplishment for me.

    MORTUARY ARRANGEMENTS

    I called this morning to answer the questions necessary for Jim’s cremation and death certificate. Our contact was in another meeting. He called me about a half hour later, and said that he had another family to speak with, and he would be done around 11:00.

    During our conversation at 11, I answered all of the statistical questions. I couldn’t remember Jim’s mother’s name. Finally, it came to me. I even had to give her maiden name! For crying out loud! I never met her and spoke to her a few times on the phone. She passed in 1999. It never occurred to me to look for Jim’s birth certificate or passport. But then, he hadn’t even been gone for a little over 24 hours. And I’m distraught.

    But he was patient and kind with me. He understands and remembers our family from our conference for Jon’s arrangements.

    He emailed the documents to me and to John. John’s wife printed out the documents I need to sign, and John came over this afternoon with the documents, which I signed. Then he took them to the mortuary.

    JOHN’S VISIT

    In addition to the documents, John checked our gates, garage, and doors to make sure the locks worked. He removed a broken sprinkler in the front lawn and will replace it tomorrow.

    He urged me about getting the plumbing done as soon as possible. “John, honey, this is the day after, and I can’t think about that right now.”

    He apologized, and I assured him that the leaking has stopped, because I don’t use the upstairs toilet. I also told him that I have to get all of the stuff out of the closet, so the plumbers can access it, and I haven’t had time to do that. John said, “Okay, one of these days, when you’re up to it, I will come over, and we’ll clean it out together. When you’re up to it.”

    As we were saying farewell, John said to me, once again, “Rose, you’ve devoted your entire life to your sons and your husband. I want you, when this COVID thing is over, and you are in a better place, to think about joining our family for holidays, day outings to the beach. When was the last time you were at the beach, Rose, with the sand between your toes, and the waves lapping up on your legs?”

    I had to think and go back a long way. “1997.”

    John was getting emotional, but he stifled it. “Rose, let us do this for you, when the time is right. We all love you so much, and we want you to be with us. You’re our family, and we love you. And if anyone deserves to have sand under their toes and waves lapping on their legs, it is you.”

    “Thank you, John. I love you all too so much. I look forward to being together with all of you. I do.”

    God Bless John and his family. I don’t know what I would do without them throughout everything we’ve been through ~ Michael, Jonathan, and Jim passing. I am so blessed.

    I BELIEVE

    I finally went into Jon’s room and began cleaning, gathering Jim’s plastic blue basin, which he asked for repeatedly yesterday. His beloved heating pad, soiled and worn out. More nebulizer cups, and the tubing, and the open albuterol vials.

    There was the box with the deck of cards, which he’d asked me to find a couple of weeks ago. We never got to play cards. The cards were a gift to Jonathan from the Lakers.

    I opened the window for fresh air and looked into the backyard at Jon’s and Michael’s gardens and Jim’s future garden location.

    Turning from the window, I scanned the room. This is too much for me to do in one day, and not today.

    While washing my hands in the downstairs bathroom, because I do not use the upstairs toilet, I looked at the array of Jim’s dentures and supplies. Of course, all of that, including his dentures, will have to be disposed of, because … they just do. I remember what we went through trying to refit his dentures via a video and DensureFit. He needed to see our dentist, but of course, that was impossible.

    All of the times, when I cleaned his dentures and brought them to him with the paste and powder, and took them away again to clean them flooded over me.

    I burst into tears.

    The day lilies are just gorgeous, and I am certain that Jim is telling me that he’s fine and with our boys, and they’re watching over me.

    I opened the kitchen window and looked skyward at the blue sky with white fluffy clouds floating by. A lovely breeze caressed my cheek. I began hearing “I Believe” in my head. More tears, of course.

    So, I chatted with my beloved Angels, and I know very well that they are watching over me.

    GRATITUDE

    Jim told me frequently that he didn’t know what he would do without me. He thanked me for everything I did for him, from changing his britches to picking up a dropped item off the floor.

    He said, “I’m sorry” far too many times, and I would tell him he had no reason to be sorry. He would do the same for me. He felt guilty. At the beginning of our love story, he told me that he wanted to outlive me, so that he could take care of me. I knew then that would never work out, because I managed our home and finances. Most men are lost when their wives pass first. It’s just a fact, I’ve seen many times.

    Jim would have taken excellent care of me, but he would not have been able to deal with the rest that comes along with it. And, he knew that.

    I sent a thank you email to Dr. K yesterday, which I hope he shares with the entire oncology unit and beyond. With the exception of Jim’s first oncologist, Jim received superior care from everyone else. Techs, nurses, transportation, radiation, and on and on. And, I say this with 50 years of experience in hospitals too many times to count.

    The love they all have for Jim was so obvious to me, when I accompanied him this last year to his appointments. I also learned how much all of those people cared about Jonathan and me. Jim talked about us nonstop, of course, to anyone who was caring for him.

    I remember vividly when Jim was returning from paracentesis April 18, 2019, and I was awaiting his return anxiously. He’d just been admitted the night before from ER, 5 days after Jon passed.

    When Jim saw me, he exclaimed to the fellows returning him to his room, “There’s my beautiful wife! There’s my Rose!”

    And the two fellows said to me, “He can’t stop talking about you, Rose.”

    I am grateful for those moments, when all of the people, who helped us, saw our love and commitment.

    I keep thinking about our officer, such a young man, could be our grandson. All that he has seen and will see as a police officer, and he carries with him our family and our love. And our gratitude. I pray for him.

    In the midst of any crisis, it is truly important to find the positives to outweigh the negatives.

    I apologize for the length of this post. This is all just what is in my heart right now. I need to let it out.

    Thank you all again and again, for your love, prayers and enduring support. I love you.

    Love & Light,



    Rose
    Mom to Jon, 49, and Michael, 32, who were born with an undiagnosed progressive neuromuscular disease and courageous spirits. Our Angel Michael received his wings in 2003. Our Angel Jon received his wings April 2019. April 2020, Jim, the world's most wonderful Dad, joined them. Now, they all watch over me.

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  16. #19
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    Dearest Rose,

    Thank you for sharing your days activities.

    Wonderful that you could get some sleep.

    John and his family have been wonderful support folk for you. In the future you will indeed be able to go to the beach.

    I am so happy that the oncology folk were always so supportive of Jim and you. That care is so important to have.

    God bless you Rose,

    Paul, Alison and Grant the champ.
    Foster parent, now medical guardian and administrator
    for Grant the champ aged 30, yes 30!

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  18. #20
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    Hi Rose,

    I’M SO SORRY! OMG!!! I’m so so sorry! My deepest apologies for my delay in responding to these posts of Jim’s passing. I’m okay! My internet is finally back after what felt like forever!!!! My internet went out completely because my ethernet and wifi had a cable service outage because of the virus from April 16th to now. I was given a new modem and was told the increase in bandwidth i.e video call usage for my neighborhood and the outage may have caused my old modem from 2013 to fail because modems "expire" apparently. I was given a new faster modem today and just saw this 1 second ago. I wish I had internet during the last few days to be a better emotional support to you. I'm so heartbroken!! I sat here with tears flowing and with my mouth open in utter shock. Perhaps a part of me believed Jim would always be alive because he always kept fighting back against the lung cancer to be with you. Your love gave him a longer more loving life than he ever would have had. You did magnificent! His death still seems so fast and sudden to me. How awful that he was so disoriented and restless toward the end. I guess his little body just couldn’t hold on anymore. I’m so so sad for you. I know you adore Jim just as much as your sweet boys. Now at least all 3 are together again. Jon and Michael have no doubt welcomed their amazing father into spirit life and they all are watching over you every moment. I wrap you in prayers and hugs now.

    My family and I both were so invested in your story that Jim felt like a friend. RIP friend Jim. Jim was so so lucky to die surrounded by your love instead of all alone like many COVID19 sufferers.

    I worry about you. Promise me you won’t go anywhere. We still need you. I need you and love you all. Xo Love Me.
    Mild Spastic Diplegia Cerebral Palsy and bad proprioception.
    My website for my original short films! http://cripvideoproductions.com/astrokeofendurance.php

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