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A Heavenly Reunion For Jim and Our Boys

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    #16
    My dearest, dearest, sweet gentle Rose.

    There were tears flowing when I heard about your wonderful Jim. Although I didn't get to know him personally, your posts gave me a small glimpse of what a loving and caring man he always was despite the illness he had for the last few years. He was a loving husband, and a committed man to care the way he did for not only you, but also for Michael and Jonathan. I know that your sons benefited from his unconditional love.

    Rose, I am sure that when Jesus welcomed Jim home, his words would have been 'Well done good and faithful servant.' He is at peace now in a resurrected body. No pain, no tears, no sadness, and he is with Jonathan and Michael.

    Rose, the support you gave Jonathan and Michael and Jim was the best possible support and love that anyone could live. There were times of frustration, but you always showed compassion and dignity with all your posts.

    Even though you had very stressful times, you nevertheless have been able to contribute to our little community here in countless ways. I remember so well when Grant was put on Lamictal, and had a fever, his neurologist said that the Lamictal couldn't possibly be causing the high fever. But you knew Rose, you knew. You sent a message to me, and when Grant came out of ICU and was sent for a short time to another hospital, were were able to get Grant off the Lamictal, and within a few days the high fevers stopped and never came back.

    I know that your love for Jim and your sons, has touched countless people. Many people you don't even know have benefited with knowing you via the internet and elsewhere.

    Rose, there will be times of great sorrow and tears, but in time the sorrow will be turned to only very happy and fond memories of your precious husband.

    We are praying for you.

    With ALL our love,

    Paul, Alison and Grant the champ.
    Foster parent, now medical guardian and administrator
    for Grant the champ aged 30, yes 30!

    Comment


      #17
      Rose I am so sorry for your loss. I have no words to express how sorry I am. Please don't forget to take care of yourself in the coming days. You will need your strength.

      Comment


        #18
        Day Two

        ((((((Hugs to All)))))) ~

        Thank you all so very much for your loving messages. I continue to be overwhelmed by your kindness and support, as the tears just pour down my cheeks as I read and re-read them.

        How can I convey to you how much you all mean to me over these past two decades, how much I love you and your loved ones, and how profoundly your friendship and love has touched my soul?

        How do I describe to you how blessed I am to know that our family has inspired you, helped you, given you hope and strength in times of need? This is my life’s purpose, to share with others our family’s experiences with a prayer that they will find something beneficial to apply to their journeys.

        You could give me no greater gift than sharing with me how our lives have helped you with your lives. Thank you so much for this gift.

        It’s so wonderful to be remembered by our members, who haven’t posted here for a long while. I miss you and wish that I knew how each of you and your loved ones are.

        When our police officer offered “trauma counseling” through the local social services, I thanked him and said, “I’ll be okay. I have a wonderful, large, worldwide support network. I am truly blessed.”

        God Bless You All and keep you safe, healthy, and strong. I love you.

        LAST NIGHT/THIS MORNING

        As promised, I ate and rested. I had a nice salad with avocado, black olives, marinated artichoke hearts, butter lettuce and cashews. Then, I had some of my favorite frozen mac ’n cheese (my comfort food).

        I continued to watch old movies, while in Jon’s recliner, until I fell asleep. I woke up at midnight, and then I went to the futon to finish sleeping. I woke up at dawn. At first, I was astonished, and my immediate response was to run into Jon’s bedroom to check Jim. “I overslept! Oh no!”

        Then, I realized that Jim is gone. I cried for awhile. Then, I got up and made fresh orange juice, my decaf, and dressed to take a walk.

        The sky was magnificent, and the air was so fresh and clean. That may be one of the only benefits of the pandemic. No one was out walking, so I was on my own and grateful. I needed time to get my bearings, to reflect on, well, everything. I walked 3/4 mi, and after all of this time not walking, that was a big accomplishment for me.

        MORTUARY ARRANGEMENTS

        I called this morning to answer the questions necessary for Jim’s cremation and death certificate. Our contact was in another meeting. He called me about a half hour later, and said that he had another family to speak with, and he would be done around 11:00.

        During our conversation at 11, I answered all of the statistical questions. I couldn’t remember Jim’s mother’s name. Finally, it came to me. I even had to give her maiden name! For crying out loud! I never met her and spoke to her a few times on the phone. She passed in 1999. It never occurred to me to look for Jim’s birth certificate or passport. But then, he hadn’t even been gone for a little over 24 hours. And I’m distraught.

        But he was patient and kind with me. He understands and remembers our family from our conference for Jon’s arrangements.

        He emailed the documents to me and to John. John’s wife printed out the documents I need to sign, and John came over this afternoon with the documents, which I signed. Then he took them to the mortuary.

        JOHN’S VISIT

        In addition to the documents, John checked our gates, garage, and doors to make sure the locks worked. He removed a broken sprinkler in the front lawn and will replace it tomorrow.

        He urged me about getting the plumbing done as soon as possible. “John, honey, this is the day after, and I can’t think about that right now.”

        He apologized, and I assured him that the leaking has stopped, because I don’t use the upstairs toilet. I also told him that I have to get all of the stuff out of the closet, so the plumbers can access it, and I haven’t had time to do that. John said, “Okay, one of these days, when you’re up to it, I will come over, and we’ll clean it out together. When you’re up to it.”

        As we were saying farewell, John said to me, once again, “Rose, you’ve devoted your entire life to your sons and your husband. I want you, when this COVID thing is over, and you are in a better place, to think about joining our family for holidays, day outings to the beach. When was the last time you were at the beach, Rose, with the sand between your toes, and the waves lapping up on your legs?”

        I had to think and go back a long way. “1997.”

        John was getting emotional, but he stifled it. “Rose, let us do this for you, when the time is right. We all love you so much, and we want you to be with us. You’re our family, and we love you. And if anyone deserves to have sand under their toes and waves lapping on their legs, it is you.”

        “Thank you, John. I love you all too so much. I look forward to being together with all of you. I do.”

        God Bless John and his family. I don’t know what I would do without them throughout everything we’ve been through ~ Michael, Jonathan, and Jim passing. I am so blessed.

        I BELIEVE

        I finally went into Jon’s room and began cleaning, gathering Jim’s plastic blue basin, which he asked for repeatedly yesterday. His beloved heating pad, soiled and worn out. More nebulizer cups, and the tubing, and the open albuterol vials.

        There was the box with the deck of cards, which he’d asked me to find a couple of weeks ago. We never got to play cards. The cards were a gift to Jonathan from the Lakers.

        I opened the window for fresh air and looked into the backyard at Jon’s and Michael’s gardens and Jim’s future garden location.

        Turning from the window, I scanned the room. This is too much for me to do in one day, and not today.

        While washing my hands in the downstairs bathroom, because I do not use the upstairs toilet, I looked at the array of Jim’s dentures and supplies. Of course, all of that, including his dentures, will have to be disposed of, because … they just do. I remember what we went through trying to refit his dentures via a video and DensureFit. He needed to see our dentist, but of course, that was impossible.

        All of the times, when I cleaned his dentures and brought them to him with the paste and powder, and took them away again to clean them flooded over me.

        I burst into tears.

        The day lilies are just gorgeous, and I am certain that Jim is telling me that he’s fine and with our boys, and they’re watching over me.

        I opened the kitchen window and looked skyward at the blue sky with white fluffy clouds floating by. A lovely breeze caressed my cheek. I began hearing “I Believe” in my head. More tears, of course.

        So, I chatted with my beloved Angels, and I know very well that they are watching over me.

        GRATITUDE

        Jim told me frequently that he didn’t know what he would do without me. He thanked me for everything I did for him, from changing his britches to picking up a dropped item off the floor.

        He said, “I’m sorry” far too many times, and I would tell him he had no reason to be sorry. He would do the same for me. He felt guilty. At the beginning of our love story, he told me that he wanted to outlive me, so that he could take care of me. I knew then that would never work out, because I managed our home and finances. Most men are lost when their wives pass first. It’s just a fact, I’ve seen many times.

        Jim would have taken excellent care of me, but he would not have been able to deal with the rest that comes along with it. And, he knew that.

        I sent a thank you email to Dr. K yesterday, which I hope he shares with the entire oncology unit and beyond. With the exception of Jim’s first oncologist, Jim received superior care from everyone else. Techs, nurses, transportation, radiation, and on and on. And, I say this with 50 years of experience in hospitals too many times to count.

        The love they all have for Jim was so obvious to me, when I accompanied him this last year to his appointments. I also learned how much all of those people cared about Jonathan and me. Jim talked about us nonstop, of course, to anyone who was caring for him.

        I remember vividly when Jim was returning from paracentesis April 18, 2019, and I was awaiting his return anxiously. He’d just been admitted the night before from ER, 5 days after Jon passed.

        When Jim saw me, he exclaimed to the fellows returning him to his room, “There’s my beautiful wife! There’s my Rose!”

        And the two fellows said to me, “He can’t stop talking about you, Rose.”

        I am grateful for those moments, when all of the people, who helped us, saw our love and commitment.

        I keep thinking about our officer, such a young man, could be our grandson. All that he has seen and will see as a police officer, and he carries with him our family and our love. And our gratitude. I pray for him.

        In the midst of any crisis, it is truly important to find the positives to outweigh the negatives.

        I apologize for the length of this post. This is all just what is in my heart right now. I need to let it out.

        Thank you all again and again, for your love, prayers and enduring support. I love you.

        Love & Light,



        Rose
        Mom to Jon, 49, & Michael, 32, born with an undiagnosed progressive neuromuscular disease. Angel Michael received his wings in 2003. Angel Jon received his wings in 2019. In 2020, Jim, their Dad, joined them.

        Comment


          #19
          Dearest Rose,

          Thank you for sharing your days activities.

          Wonderful that you could get some sleep.

          John and his family have been wonderful support folk for you. In the future you will indeed be able to go to the beach.

          I am so happy that the oncology folk were always so supportive of Jim and you. That care is so important to have.

          God bless you Rose,

          Paul, Alison and Grant the champ.
          Foster parent, now medical guardian and administrator
          for Grant the champ aged 30, yes 30!

          Comment


            #20
            Hi Rose,

            I’M SO SORRY! OMG!!! I’m so so sorry! My deepest apologies for my delay in responding to these posts of Jim’s passing. I’m okay! My internet is finally back after what felt like forever!!!! My internet went out completely because my ethernet and wifi had a cable service outage because of the virus from April 16th to now. I was given a new modem and was told the increase in bandwidth i.e video call usage for my neighborhood and the outage may have caused my old modem from 2013 to fail because modems "expire" apparently. I was given a new faster modem today and just saw this 1 second ago. I wish I had internet during the last few days to be a better emotional support to you. I'm so heartbroken!! I sat here with tears flowing and with my mouth open in utter shock. Perhaps a part of me believed Jim would always be alive because he always kept fighting back against the lung cancer to be with you. Your love gave him a longer more loving life than he ever would have had. You did magnificent! His death still seems so fast and sudden to me. How awful that he was so disoriented and restless toward the end. I guess his little body just couldn’t hold on anymore. I’m so so sad for you. I know you adore Jim just as much as your sweet boys. Now at least all 3 are together again. Jon and Michael have no doubt welcomed their amazing father into spirit life and they all are watching over you every moment. I wrap you in prayers and hugs now.

            My family and I both were so invested in your story that Jim felt like a friend. RIP friend Jim. Jim was so so lucky to die surrounded by your love instead of all alone like many COVID19 sufferers.

            I worry about you. Promise me you won’t go anywhere. We still need you. I need you and love you all. Xo Love Me.
            Mild Spastic Diplegia Cerebral Palsy and bad proprioception.
            My website for my original short films! http://cripvideoproductions.com/astrokeofendurance.php

            Comment


              #21
              Rose I am humbled by your strength and fortitude and by your ability to share your grief which in turn helps us grieve with you. We all loved you and your family and though I didn't comment I read. I can't wait to share that sand between your toes with you though you might see that as a long way off right now. Prayers for you all and ((((gentlerockinghugs))))

              Comment


                #22
                Rose, you are constantly on my mind. Thanks for posting how your day two went. We are all here and want to know that you are alright. You are such a major part of our community and will continue to be part of our family, just as you have been for the past 20 or so years.

                I am thankful for John and his family. We have always said "God Bless John". He is your family there and we are your family here. You are not alone. There are so many people who care about you. You have made an impression on many people during the years and have helped so many through the years. There is not a lot we can do in a tangible way, but we can and will support you virtually.

                ((((((Hugs))))))
                Virginia

                Comment


                  #23
                  Day Three

                  ((((((Hugs to All)))))) ~

                  Today, I had a nice long phone chat with John’s sister and brother-in-law, who called to tell me that they want to do whatever I need to help me. She said, “It will make us feel better, if you let us help you. And you don’t need to do everything by yourself. You’ve done enough of that in your lifetime.”

                  They offered to help clean out Jon’s closet. When John arrived today, he was pleased that they were offering their help. We went to Jon’s room so he could scope out the project, and he smiled. “Rose, to you this is overwhelming. I get it. But to me this is about an hour’s worth of time to clean it all out. You sit over there, and we’ll get in big bags, one for Keep and one for Trash. You tell me which bag. I’ll take the donation stuff to Goodwill, and the trash bags will go into the big dumpsters for the small condos below our house.”

                  We start tomorrow, and if we need more time to finish, we’ll do the rest on Sunday afternoon. Then, Monday, I call the plumbers.

                  He went upstairs to look at the bathroom, and he said, “Yes, we have to get this done very soon, Rose.”

                  I’ve been moving my toiletries to the downstairs bathroom throughout the day. First, I had to remove all of Jim’s toiletries, including his dentures. I was crying, and I could hear him saying, “It’s okay, Rose. I don’t need them anymore. You need to get the plumbing repaired.”

                  So, I’ll be showering in the downstairs bathroom, which is fine. I’m still sleeping on the futon anyway to be near the toilet.

                  John also checked the hinge on the front door, which Jim had asked him to fix in January, I think, before isolation began. He tightened all the screws on the hinge, and discovered that 2 screws were stripped. So, he’ll replace them with a bit larger, longer screws tomorrow.

                  He left with 2 cases of water, a bag of fresh oranges, and he was here to bring in the box on the porch. Yesterday, I gave him Jim’s remaining Body Armor for his daughter, and apple juice boxes (unopened pack) for his 4 year old niece. I have more juice, as well as lots of unopened packs of applesauce, which he’ll take tomorrow.

                  The mortician called today to let me know that all the paperwork has been submitted. He expects Jim’s cremation to occur tomorrow. Dr. K was very quick to sign the death certificate and return it to the mortuary. One more example of what a kind man he is.

                  When the urn arrives, John will take it to the mortuary, and it will be filled, while he waits in his car. Curb side mortuary service during a pandemic.

                  I located a local estate attorney, so the will is now on my Must Do list. I’ve got to get this massive plumbing problem repaired first. I can only do so much every day, before I'm wiped out and over stressed.

                  The plumbing can’t wait until I’m “ready.” It needs to be done now.

                  Thank you all so much for your love, compassion, and kindness. You’re giving me strength and comfort, which I need most right now. I love you.

                  Love & Light,



                  Rose
                  Mom to Jon, 49, & Michael, 32, born with an undiagnosed progressive neuromuscular disease. Angel Michael received his wings in 2003. Angel Jon received his wings in 2019. In 2020, Jim, their Dad, joined them.

                  Comment


                    #24
                    Originally posted by Earth Mother 2 Angels View Post
                    ((((((Hugs to All)))))) ~

                    Today, I had a nice long phone chat with John’s sister and brother-in-law, who called to tell me that they want to do whatever I need to help me. She said, “It will make us feel better, if you let us help you. And you don’t need to do everything by yourself. You’ve done enough of that in your lifetime.”

                    They offered to help clean out Jon’s closet. When John arrived today, he was pleased that they were offering their help. We went to Jon’s room so he could scope out the project, and he smiled. “Rose, to you this is overwhelming. I get it. But to me this is about an hour’s worth of time to clean it all out. You sit over there, and we’ll get in big bags, one for Keep and one for Trash. You tell me which bag. I’ll take the donation stuff to Goodwill, and the trash bags will go into the big dumpsters for the small condos below our house.”

                    We start tomorrow, and if we need more time to finish, we’ll do the rest on Sunday afternoon. Then, Monday, I call the plumbers.

                    He went upstairs to look at the bathroom, and he said, “Yes, we have to get this done very soon, Rose.”

                    I’ve been moving my toiletries to the downstairs bathroom throughout the day. First, I had to remove all of Jim’s toiletries, including his dentures. I was crying, and I could hear him saying, “It’s okay, Rose. I don’t need them anymore. You need to get the plumbing repaired.”

                    So, I’ll be showering in the downstairs bathroom, which is fine. I’m still sleeping on the futon anyway to be near the toilet.

                    John also checked the hinge on the front door, which Jim had asked him to fix in January, I think, before isolation began. He tightened all the screws on the hinge, and discovered that 2 screws were stripped. So, he’ll replace them with a bit larger, longer screws tomorrow.

                    He left with 2 cases of water, a bag of fresh oranges, and he was here to bring in the box on the porch. Yesterday, I gave him Jim’s remaining Body Armor for his daughter, and apple juice boxes (unopened pack) for his 4 year old niece. I have more juice, as well as lots of unopened packs of applesauce, which he’ll take tomorrow.

                    The mortician called today to let me know that all the paperwork has been submitted. He expects Jim’s cremation to occur tomorrow. Dr. K was very quick to sign the death certificate and return it to the mortuary. One more example of what a kind man he is.

                    When the urn arrives, John will take it to the mortuary, and it will be filled, while he waits in his car. Curb side mortuary service during a pandemic.

                    I located a local estate attorney, so the will is now on my Must Do list. I’ve got to get this massive plumbing problem repaired first. I can only do so much every day, before I'm wiped out and over stressed.

                    The plumbing can’t wait until I’m “ready.” It needs to be done now.

                    Thank you all so much for your love, compassion, and kindness. You’re giving me strength and comfort, which I need most right now. I love you.

                    Love & Light,



                    Rose
                    Hi Rose, I'm so so glad John is there with you so you don't feel so alone in your grief. Lots of virus innovations even for end of life, wow! I pray for you! Keep in contact with people somehow, cry as much as you need and vent here as much as you need. xo me.
                    Mild Spastic Diplegia Cerebral Palsy and bad proprioception.
                    My website for my original short films! http://cripvideoproductions.com/astrokeofendurance.php

                    Comment


                      #25
                      Wow, I can't believe how much you got done, Rose! You truly are amazing, although I understand the need to get it done before it gets worse.

                      Please take John's family up on their offer to help. It helps them to know they were of service to you, it is their way of giving back in Jim's name and in his memory. I imagine it helps John process his feelings by spending this time being near you and helping get the room ready for the plumber.

                      I'm sure John appreciates all the stuff you're giving him. And knowing you are doing okay is a concern off his shoulders too. I'm glad you've been able to get outside.

                      Thinking of you, Rose.
                      Please Note that my posts may have been arbitrarily altered by a Moderator and may not reflect my original content.

                      Per Mike Weins: "...the admin/mod team doesn't have to provide a forewarning/warning/mention about altering a members post. It doesn't matter if they fix a link, remove a link, fix a typo, or whatever...."

                      Comment


                        #26
                        Day Four

                        ((((((Hugs to All)))))) ~

                        Thank you all for your continuing love and support. You are holding me up during a very stressful, painful passage in my life, as you have always done, and I don’t know where I’d be without you.

                        CLEARING OUT

                        I spent the morning moving things out of Jon’s room, and throwing out Jim’s stuff. A huge collection of med bottles filled to the brim remains on his tray. I still have all of Jon’s meds, which I haven’t figured out how to dispose of in the last year. I could open a mini-pharmacy. I wish I could donate these meds to people, who need them and can’t afford them. I hate to see this go to waste, but it must.

                        What am I going to do with all of the underpads, britches, men’s guards, condom catheters? I feared running out, so I made sure we didn’t. Now, there is this surplus.

                        Jim’s rollator is in the dining room. I don’t know where to put it. I swept the patio this morning, after a strong wind storm, and there is Jim’s floor pedaler. He never used it.

                        I cleaned the downstairs bathroom, and I threw out all of Jim’s stuff. I had only thrown out a few things yesterday, because it’s just so painful. But it must be done. Now that bathroom has changed from a man’s bathroom to a lady’s bathroom. It was the boys’ bathroom, then, Jim’s bathroom. Always a man’s bathroom. Now, it’s mine. And that is a stark reality for me.

                        I reprogrammed the front yard sprinklers after our less than a minute electrical outage a couple of weeks ago. It was raining then, so I wasn’t concerned. Now, we’re expecting hot weather. I’ve done this so many times over the last 30 years, but I had to search for the instructions to remember how to do it. I succeeded.

                        THE CLOSET

                        Masked and gloved, John and I attacked Jon’s closet this afternoon. As we peeled away layer after layer of the boys’ jackets, countless piles of cloth underpads from countless hospital visits, and sheets, and blankets, and pillows, and on and on and on, I tried to distance myself from it all.

                        John pulled them out, and I held the giant trash bag open for him to stuff them in. Then, it was the boys’ jackets, shirts, ties (for rare special occasions) on hangers. All damaged, filthy, haven’t been worn in over 20 years into the bag. No time for me to look at them and weep.

                        Although I did tell John about the galactic glow in the dark jackets. They’re made of some outer space material, and the boys wore them to a Doobie Brothers’ concert in the 80s. When we were on stage with the band. It was awesome and fantastic, and Jon and Michael looked so cool in their jackets.

                        John found their Boy Scout shirts. Oh, Jon and Michael were proud Boy Scouts! Michael joined a couple of years after Jon did, so Jon’s shirt has more badges. In our living room, above the fireplace mantle, is a beautiful photo of Jon, standing, so proud of his Boy Scout uniform, with his hands behind his back, and a sweet smile on his lovely face. And, yes, I am keeping their shirts. John agreed.

                        In the middle in the back against the wall, we had a huge wicker laundry basket. It was filled with shoes. Jon’s slippers, sneakers, and a basketball, which John requested to give to his daughter. OF COURSE!

                        Once John brought out the basket, we had a full view of the damage to the wall and the extent of the mold on the floor.

                        THE MOLD PROBLEM

                        I just sank into Jon’s chairbed and looked up at John, tears streaming down my cheeks. “Oh John. They’re going to tear apart the whole house! Oh dear! Why now? Why this? Oh no …”

                        John, always calm and rational, said, “Okay, Rose. I’ve had 6 slab leaks in our house in 18 years. We just had one a month ago. I know the drill.

                        Tomorrow, you call your homeowner insurance agent. You tell him that your husband had Stage IV cancer, your son died last year, your husband just died, and as you were clearing out the closet, you discovered this damage.

                        You knew you had a leak a couple of weeks ago, but your husband was dying and you were giving him 24 hour care. You couldn’t attend to this problem, and you had no idea how bad it was until you cleaned out the closet today.”

                        Our home has had the same insurer for 42+ years, and our agent knows about our family, because every year I had to provide documentation that our home was insured per state law, because I was caring for Jonathan. He is a nice fellow.

                        John said, “He’ll hear ‘mold’, and he knows your age and situation, and they will jump on it. They will get an inspector here to assess the damage and estimate cost of repairs. They’ll take out the floor, the walls, and your entire upstairs bathroom. That is going to be quite expensive, but that is what you’ve been paying them for all these years. This. This. You don’t have to pay for it. You have insurance, and I’m certain it will be covered. This is 42 years old. It was bound to happen, and its surprising that it didn’t happen before.”

                        I opined that this would have just become worse, if Jim hadn’t passed on Monday. How on Earth would we ever be able to get this repaired, with Jim in Jon’s room? We couldn’t, and that was an agony for me.

                        There is no choice or option to wait now. This must be done.

                        John, always looking on the positive side, said, “It’s awful, but on the other hand, you’re going to get a new bathroom, floor to ceiling, the closet will be repaired and useable, and you won’t have any mold anywhere. And your insurance should pay most of it.”

                        He asked me when I had last filed a claim on our insurance. “1993.”

                        “Loyal customer with no problems for 27 years. They should take care of you. I’ll be here with you all of the way.

                        LEAVING HOME

                        I asked if he thought I would have to leave the house, while they work, and he replied, “They might for the mold removal, which could take a day or two. But for the reconstruction of a new bathroom, once the mold is gone, I would think you could stay here. But don’t worry about that, because you will stay with us.”

                        As lovely as that sounds, I have to think about COVID-19, and John’s continuous exposure on the front lines. It’s one thing to have him here for an hour to help me and quite another to stay in his home with his wife and daughter.

                        Even without COVID-19, I’m in my own home with familiar germs. In someone else’s home, I’m exposed to unfamiliar germs. I’m a germaphobe for good reason, as I’ve learned about transmission of infections through my boys.

                        I remember asking our intensivist about MRSA with Michael during his final illness. He said, “It didn’t come from your home. Those are familiar germs.” Later, a home health nurse said emphatically, “He got MRSA in the ER.”

                        If it were not for COVID-19, I would be less afraid to stay with John and his family for 2 days. I guarantee that I am not able to fight off this horrid virus, or any other virus or bacteria right now. I’m trying to eat (I’m vegetarian; John and family are not), to build up my strength and rest. But how can I do that in their home, if I am afraid of catching something or anything?

                        Perhaps I can camp out on their patio.

                        I’m grieving, afraid, in shock, traumatized, exhausted, vulnerable. I fully expect a stress rash to appear soon.

                        Jim was cremated today, and our home is wracked with mold.

                        When do I have the opportunity to process my grief for my beloved husband?

                        While I always want to leave you with a positive thought, I am at a loss right now.

                        Thank you so much for your love and prayers. I love you all and pray for you and your loved ones.

                        Love & Light,



                        Rose
                        Mom to Jon, 49, & Michael, 32, born with an undiagnosed progressive neuromuscular disease. Angel Michael received his wings in 2003. Angel Jon received his wings in 2019. In 2020, Jim, their Dad, joined them.

                        Comment


                          #27
                          :) Rose try not to figure out how you will manage if you need to leave. Perhaps you can get the plumbers to let you stay in the house. I try hard not to worry about what has not happened yet.

                          It is an old habit but I do better when I do not stress myself unnecessarily. I think you are doing well so far and I keep praying for you. With love, Jeanie :)
                          Attached Files

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                            #28
                            Dear, dear Rose,

                            I wouldn't stay with them, either. Not under these circumstances, not at this time. It is a lovely offer and very sweet, though. Just too much too soon.

                            Get a hotel for 3 days or so. Do you have asthma? Working around all that mold, etc. is not good for asthma or allergies. I wonder if insurance will pay for a hotel for you as necessary to do the repairs...

                            Hotels are desperate for business right now, even if you have to pay yourself, I think it would be quite reasonable and worth it. Don't have cleaning in to avoid bringing someone in, bring some of your favorite veggie cold and ready made meals you can eat chilled or microwave, or pick up or have delivered from your favorite organic restaurants who are clamoring for the business. They would appreciate the business too. Bring your own clorox wipes to wipe everything down first.

                            Find one with a jacuzzi to be able to relax in and destress your weary muscles, or near some other locale that would bring you some peace and bring you close to nature. Business is down 65%. You can find a bargain. Taking a few days off and away while the repairs are done would be wonderful for your mental health. See if John could check in to make sure it's going smoothly and as a contact for them unless it's urgent.

                            A nursing home might well appreciate many of those supplies, they probably go through them quickly. My local pharmacy accepts old meds that they then destroy. Check with yours. I bring in a big baggie of old meds, even slip in some expired vitamins. They destroy it all for me. Charities often send medical supplies to third world countries, sometimes even sealed expired unused meds. To alleviate the responsibility from your shoulders, ask John's family to locate places who will accept meds and unused supplies, possibly a charity that will ship them. Let them take it for you to dispose of, possibly doing some good, but alleviating the legwork from you. If people aren't working, maybe someone in John's family has the time to get on the phone and locate places, then make the arrangements.

                            This is the kind of help that is so appreciated right now. Ask them for help to find you the answers you need and make the arrangements for you.. Take this burden off your shoulders so you can concentrate on other things.

                            Rollators usually fold up. See if you can pull the legs together. It should be able to fit in a closet for now.

                            You are getting through so much of the necessary work right now. I hope you are finding quality sleep and still taking walks. You are in my thoughts!
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                              #29
                              My local police station has a big, solid container in their front area -- you just dump your old meds there.

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                                #30
                                Dearest Rose,
                                I remember researching mould removal companies for you before and there were some that did not require you to move out. I will look again. Here's a company that will recycle med equipment and supplies and they pick up. Only registered and activated users can see links., Click Here To Register... I've written to them asking if they pickup in the pandemic and if so if they pick up in your area. You can get through this Rose because you have help and it will get done. Sending love and gentle hugs! Donna xox
                                Donna, Mum to Natalie (22), ablebodied, kind and beautiful and Nicholas(26), severe CP, non-verbal, tube fed, multiple surgeries, chronic pain, happy kid except when the Liverpool football club or the Ottawa Senators Hockey Team are losing!
                                Check out my blog: http://www.donnathomson.com

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