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Thread: Dealing with social situations??

  1. #1
    Distinguished Community Member agate's Avatar
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    Default Dealing with social situations??

    It's the time of year when family can be an issue. What occasions to attend, what gifts to give, whom to invite, etc. If you happen to be all alone and don't face these big questions, please don't feel slighted. Feel lucky. This kind of thing can cause major stress.

    In another thread the question came up about how to turn down an invitation.

    Does "Sorry I just can't make it"--said in a genuinely sorry tone, for of course you're really sorry 99% of the time--seem like a good reply?

    What if the person who invited you asks why?

    I've never known anyone to do that though I've often wondered what I would say if anyone said that.

    Would anyone really ask? Wouldn't it take more nerve than most people have?

    I have had this happen though--many times. There's an implied "Why?" in the expression on a person's face when you give your "Sorry I can't make it" speech. They look surprised, questioning.

    Some time ago I realized that at that point my natural tendency is to natter on by offering a reason. That's where it was my problem and not the other person's, I realized.

    Why should I feel obliged to give a reason? If a person says she/he can't make it to an event/occasion/gathering, that should be enough. The person might have other obligations, might not be feeling well. Whatever that person's reasons, they are his/her own, and I as the inviter have no right to know what they are. Not really. It does help to smooth over the situation if you offer a good reason but the inviter isn't entitled to it.

    That's how it seems to me anyway. If your reason is only "MS keeps me from doing a lot of things I'd like to do," it starts to sound self-pitying. You can't really go into a list of the problems MS is causing you either. All you can say is something like "I'm afraid I just not up to going out much."

    So now, when I get the awkward silence and the questioning face, I don't feel I have to say anything except maybe "I'm so very sorry--but thank you so much for asking me."

    How do others feel about this?
    Last edited by agate; 11-25-2019 at 11:16 AM.
    MS, diagnosed 1980. Avonex 2001-2004. Copaxone 2006-2009.

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    Distinguished Community Member Lazarus's Avatar
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    I'm so very sorry--but thank you so much for asking me."

    Perfect. And it ends the time spent worrying about what to say,!
    Linda~~~~

    Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says:"Oh Crap, She's up!"

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    Distinguished Community Member Sunshine's Avatar
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    Its tough.jove lost most of my friends. Mostly because visits are painful.

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    Distinguished Community Member agate's Avatar
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    I received a greeting from someone who heads an MS Society support group, wishing everyone a wonderful holiday with friends or family, and going on to say that if you don't have someone to share with, e-mail a friend and invite yourself--then adding "Yes, I mean that."

    What is your opinion of this suggestion?
    Last edited by agate; 11-26-2019 at 08:03 PM.
    MS, diagnosed 1980. Avonex 2001-2004. Copaxone 2006-2009.

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  9. #5
    Distinguished Community Member Sunshine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by agate View Post
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    I received a greeting from someone who heads an MS Society support group, wishing everyone a wonderful holiday with friends or family, and going on to say that if you don't have someone to share with, e-mail a friend and invite yourself--then adding "Yes, I mean that."

    What is your opinion of this suggestion?
    Depends on the friend. With some, sure, email them say you will be alone on TGIVING, might you stop by for dessert or whenever is convenient to share the holiday with them?

    It boils down to letting people know you are alone and lonely and not by choice. It doesnt occur to people to invite others...

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    What Sunshine said is a good suggestion. However, I have never been a person to invite myself in when it is a family occasion. This was even before I got sick. However, usually back then I had someplace already planned to go. I usually cooked on Thanksgiving and Christmas. I had friends who would come the next day and have leftovers with us. The four of us always loved leftovers and enjoyed sharing them.
    Virginia

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  13. #7
    Distinguished Community Member agate's Avatar
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    Many thanks for the thoughtful replies.

    I don't think I could ever invite myself or let people know (unless they specifically ask) that I'm alone. I don't like to think that I'm included because someone felt sorry for me and therefore felt obliged to include me.

    When I got that e-mail (mentioned in post #4, my first reaction was that she must have been joking.

    Food isn't cheap, and cooking for a group of people isn't easy. I just don't see putting someone on the spot by inviting myself.
    Last edited by agate; 11-29-2019 at 10:40 PM.
    MS, diagnosed 1980. Avonex 2001-2004. Copaxone 2006-2009.

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    Distinguished Community Member Sunshine's Avatar
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    https://www.nytimes.com/2019/11/29/o...gtype=Homepage

    This might apply in some ways to our discussion, our subtitled might be:

    What being ill taught me about accepting help (love).
    Last edited by Sunshine; 11-30-2019 at 03:00 AM.

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    Distinguished Community Member Lazarus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sunshine View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    https://www.nytimes.com/2019/11/29/o...gtype=Homepage

    This might apply in some ways to our discussion, our subtitled might be:

    What being ill taught me about accepting help (love).
    Wonderful essay.thank you very much.
    Linda~~~~

    Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says:"Oh Crap, She's up!"

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  19. #10
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    Thanks Sunshine.
    Virginia

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