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Thread: Sharing some of my stories

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    Distinguished Community Member Earth Mother 2 Angels's Avatar
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    ((((((Tracy)))))) ~

    Thank you for sharing your stories. Writing, as you said, is therapy. It's a way to release everything inside of you.

    For several years after Michael passed, I belonged to a few on line discussion forums for grieving parents. I strongly believe that communicating with other bereaved parents is an important pathway to healing and peace.

    I noticed some of the parents, who commented on your articles, stated that they thought they were alone, and that no one else could relate to what they were experiencing. Your stories let them know that all grieving parents share many things in common on their grief journeys.

    We are not alone. We belong to an exclusive club with the highest price for membership. No one wants to join our club.

    Interestingly, many parents I met on line thought that my loss was more difficult than their loss, because I had cared for Michael intimately and completely for 32 years. In some ways, this is probably true, only in the fact, as you stated, I didn't know what to do with myself, when I wasn't caring for Michael anymore. "He doesn't need me," echoed through my soul.

    Just as other parents can't imagine what we've been through, we can't fathom what it's like for them to lose a child to murder, suicide, disaster, war.

    Nonetheless, we all know that losing our child is the most profound heartache that anyone can ever experience.

    Thank you for writing about Scott's grief journey. So often Dads are ignored after child loss. The focus seems to be on us, the Moms. And our husbands feel they need to be strong for us, to support us, as they also see our grief as more intense than theirs. I think that is because we openly display our grief, where they repress it.

    At Michael's celebration of life service, Jim stood beside me on the dais, holding me as I trembled giving Michael's eulogy. Later, many of our friends and family commented to me, "Jim is your rock." And he was and still is, but I assured them that he was hurting deeply too.

    Everything you have done and are doing to keep Meggie's legacy alive is wonderful.

    For several years, I made beaded jewelry for friends and family in Michael's memory. Then life intervened with Jon's medical issues, and now Jim is battling too. I had to stop anyway, because my hands/vision no longer worked well enough to do it.

    I have long dreamed of being able to start a foundation to assist families of children with special needs. I would focus first on legal issues, because I've found that aspect of meeting our children's needs to be sorely lacking, in my 50 years of experience. Parents of children with special needs cannot afford legal counsel.

    These days, I dream of establishing residential care homes for severely disabled adults, like Jon. Similar to the Rotary House, where Donna's son, Nicholas, resides. My ideal would be unattainable, as I'd want 24 hour ICU docs and nurses on site. If I had Oprah's money, that's what I would do.

    Like you with Meggie, everything I do, and every moment I breathe, Michael is here with me. I can assure you that this will always be true, after 15 1/2 years of grieving. Keep gathering your coping tools, Tracy.

    I love you, and I send you healing prayers for peace and comfort.

    Love & Light,

    Mom to Jon, 49, and Michael, 32, who were born with an undiagnosed progressive neuromuscular disease and courageous spirits. Our Angel Michael received his wings in 2003. Our Angel Jon received his wings April 2019. April 2020, Jim, the world's most wonderful Dad, joined them. Now, they all watch over me.

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