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Thread: Article on how people respond when you answer inquiries about your health.."..

  1. #11
    Distinguished Community Member Howie's Avatar
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    Cool

    Hey Cat, how 'bout them Redskins?
    "A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."

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  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Howie View Post
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    Hey Cat, how 'bout them Redskins?
    You talkin' bout taters, Howie? I like them better than Yukon Golds, but plain old russets are fine... ��

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  5. #13
    Distinguished Community Member Sunshine's Avatar
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    Another thing I do when someone politely says How Are You? , is say, “It’s great to see you” instead of answering the question. If they really want to know, they will pursue it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sunshine View Post
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    Another thing I do when someone politely says How Are You? , is say, “It’s great to see you” instead of answering the question. If they really want to know, they will pursue it.
    Yes, exactly! That's the kind of response most people are expecting.

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  9. #15
    Distinguished Community Member agate's Avatar
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    I like that too. It doesn't answer the question but then it also signals that you realize that the question wasn't "really" a question.

    Not like some of the political figures interviewed in news segments, who are supposed to be answering the questions they are asked but all too often don't....
    MS diagnosed 1980. Avonex 2002-2005. Copaxone 6/07 - 5/10.
    Member of this MS board since 2001.

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  11. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by agate View Post
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    funnylegs, I try to seem as healthy and perky as possible among people. I'm glad if they're not thinking of me as the "sick person." I prefer not to think of myself as a sick person. I don't like being reminded about the MS. It is reminding me constantly anyway. Your friend might be like that too. If this is a pretty close friend, you might want to ask occasionally.

    If you wait long enough for a reply, that helps. Many people ask how I am but it's clear from the rushed way they move on that what is wanted from me is just a brief "I"m OK, thanks." If you can give your friend time to reply, you will let the person know that you're genuinely interested.

    I assume that people asking how I am have forgotten I have MS or don't know and are just asking routinely, as a social pleasantry--"Hi--how you doing?"

    Particularly on an elevator, that question can't be answered with much more than "Fine" or "OK." I used to follow that with "How about you?" but one problem with that is that they will then tell me, often at some length.

    So if I'm not up to hanging around and listening, I say "Fine, thank you" and move on to something else.

    Many people do welcome a chance to talk about themselves, and there are those who find their own illnesses endlessly fascinating and assume everyone else will be just as fascinated. Those are the people I sometimes steer clear of. I'm not their doctor or nurse, and there isn't much I can do for them except listen.

    With something like MS, though, real-life people probably don't really want to know how we're doing. Do they mean how is our bladder doing? Or our eyesight? Or our balance? Or are mobility? Or our speech? It would be difficult to state how we are doing in a short time, and most people aren't going to wait around for very much detail.

    Then there's Howie:
    Thanks so much agate. My friend does seem to want to appear as healthy as he can around his coworkers so I always keep my mouth shut then. We both have neurologic injuries and one of his more recent neurologic issues unexpectedly led to our close friendship. He needed more moral support then so I guess that's why he talked about it more. I just kinda didn't ask much after a few months but I don't want him to think I didn't care enough to ever follow up if that makes sense? I don't want him to think I forgot. I also wish to treat him as a whole person you know? I certainly don't mind listening to a full response from him. He doesn't go overboard in his talking about it. Any ideas???
    Last edited by funnylegs4; 07-06-2018 at 01:24 PM.
    Mild Spastic Diplegia Cerebral Palsy and bad proprioception.
    My website for my original short films! http://cripvideoproductions.com/astrokeofendurance.php

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  13. #17
    Distinguished Community Member Howie's Avatar
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    Then just listen, that seems what will be helpful to him. But don't offer any suggestions. You can only do what you would see as helpful to you. What would be helpful to someone else, isn't what might be helpful to him. Just listen, and you can know that would be helpful to you both.
    "A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."

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  15. #18
    Distinguished Community Member agate's Avatar
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    Guess it's something that needs to be played by ear when it comes to knowing when would be a good time to steer the conversation toward how your friend is doing. If you keep in mind that you intend to ask, there will probably be a time that just seems right.
    MS diagnosed 1980. Avonex 2002-2005. Copaxone 6/07 - 5/10.
    Member of this MS board since 2001.

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  17. #19
    Distinguished Community Member Earth Mother 2 Angels's Avatar
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    ((((((funnylegs4)))))) ~

    Since you have a very good relationship with your friend, I suggest that you tell him your dilemma and ask him straight forwardly how he would like you to approach him on the subject of his health. Instead of guessing, feeling awkward, avoiding conversations, just have a heart-to-heart with him. He knows you care about him. I think that he would appreciate your honesty and concern about his feelings.

    Love & Light,



    Rose
    Mom to Jon, 48, (seizure disorder; Gtube; trache; colostomy; osteoporosis; hypothyroid; enlarged prostate; lymphedema, assorted mysteries) and Michael, 32, (intractable seizures; Gtube), who were born with an undiagnosed progressive neuromuscular disease and courageous spirits. Our Angel Michael received his wings in 2003 and now resides in Heaven. Our Angel Jon lives at home with me and Jim, the world's most wonderful Dad.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Earth Mother 2 Angels View Post
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    ((((((funnylegs4)))))) ~

    Since you have a very good relationship with your friend, I suggest that you tell him your dilemma and ask him straight forwardly how he would like you to approach him on the subject of his health. Instead of guessing, feeling awkward, avoiding conversations, just have a heart-to-heart with him. He knows you care about him. I think that he would appreciate your honesty and concern about his feelings.

    Love & Light,



    Rose
    Thanks Rose! I was thinking for awhile of doing what you suggest. Something along the lines of "We really don't have to talk about this if you don't want to but I was curious about how your doing with {insert condition] because I care about you. I meant to ask sooner but I thought it might be inappropriate in the other settings. I would never try to hurt your feelings on purpose" etc. Does that sound good to you???
    I won't see him until Sept so I have time to think it over. I would only ask in private at a good time like when he makes one of his playful blunt comments about his health so its connected to the conversation.
    Mild Spastic Diplegia Cerebral Palsy and bad proprioception.
    My website for my original short films! http://cripvideoproductions.com/astrokeofendurance.php

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