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Thread: The delicate problem of dealing with death on an Internet message board

  1. #1
    Distinguished Community Member agate's Avatar
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    Default The delicate problem of dealing with death on an Internet message board

    A couple of people who were well known here have died recently.

    Maybe this is a good time to raise this question. Some message boards might ask members for donations for flowers at a member's funeral/memorial service (or to a charity in the person's memory), or they might even have a fund set up for that purpose.

    We've never done either of those here so far as I know. Should we think about it?

    My own opinion is that we shouldn't. It may seem harsh but some here don't have funds to spare. Asking people for money they don't have just makes them feel inadequate, and they may already be feeling slammed by MS.

    Also, not everyone would want it known at a memorial service/funeral that they were members of an MS support board but it might become known when guests start reading the cards that are usually on display.

    I'm strongly in favor of letting each person here decide whether or not to make an individual contribution--donation, flowers, written tribute on a page provided by a funeral home, personal note to the bereaved family.

    I'd like to see this board be free of requests for funds from members. MS takes a devastating economic toll, a fact that is often neglected on support boards, which tend to concentrate on symptoms and treatments and medical care problems as well as emotional ramifications of MS. People hesitate to discuss their personal finances on a message board for understandable reasons, but I've been reading posts long enough to realize that those finances are sometimes very grim.

    Asking people for contributions on behalf of any member who has had a severe illness or died is a lovely gesture but I don't think it's appropriate for this board.

    What's your opinion? I'd really like to know even though my opinion is probably not going to change in this instance.
    Last edited by agate; 05-31-2018 at 09:05 AM.
    MS diagnosed 1980. Avonex 2002-2005. Copaxone 6/07 - 5/10.
    Member of this MS board since 2001.

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  3. #2
    Distinguished Community Member Sunshine's Avatar
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    Oct 2006


    I agree with you Agate. Members can always make a donation, or post a note on Legacy if they wish. They can also make a donation to a related charity in the deceased memory.

    The beauty of message boards, in my mind at least, is the anonymity of it. That makes it superior to FB in my mind, where personal info is shared with the universe.

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  5. #3
    Distinguished Community Member
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    Red Sox Nation :D


    I also think that asking for money for any reason is off limits for a message board. There are other places for that.

    There comes a time when silence is betrayal.- MLK

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  7. #4
    Distinguished Community Member Cherie's Avatar
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    Southeastern NE


    I agree. But it would be nice, when a death is announced, to have a real name and address to send at least a card if that is possible.

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  9. #5
    Distinguished Community Member
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    North Carolina


    So far we are all in agreement on this. It would be nice to be able to send a card if that is possible, but otherwise I totally agree with Agate.

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  11. #6
    Distinguished Community Member Pegakafarmgirl's Avatar
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    Oct 2006


    I agree also,, it should be up to a person, to handle it the way, they see fit,,also depends how close they are too
    " Don't outsmart your common sense"


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  13. #7
    Distinguished Community Member Jeanie Z's Avatar
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    :) I also agree. Jeanie :)

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  15. #8
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    Oct 2015


    What????? You're not gonna send TC money when I die???? DARN!!!/

    just kidding. I agree -- we grieve here, and if we feel like we want to do more, we individually and privately work that out....

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