I am so sick and tired of my life. I can never seem to stay on top of things. money, house, yard, vehicle, pet bills, pain, doctors, quitting smoking, eating garbage and junk, body falling apart, crafting projects, gardening, pain.

Yeah it sounds pitiful considering how many have it so much worse and my prayers go out to all of you.

My best friend is dead and there is nothing I can do about it. I still cry every day about it. I want vengeance and yes I know it is wrong. I know it was partiallly my fault but I want them to pay for their part in it. I am paying every day for mine.

Jared is flunking out of online school. He will probably be dropped and charged with truancy. He is so smart I just don't understand his thinking. He wanted to know why he needed to learn geometry instead of something useful like first aid lol. Made sense to me. Nope gotta pay if we want that. Taught as an after school class. If he would do the work he could have finished this entire year already. Now they have broke him down to three classes so it's not like he has a lot of work. This too is my fault after 25 yrs of fighting my kids to get their education I am exhausted. Brandon was a nightmare if anyone recalls then as soon as jared starts middle school he starts having problems. His biggest problem is that he is intelligent and knows it therefore thinks he is above the syllabus and that learning things that he will have no use for is beneath him.

He hides when anyone comes to the door. He doesn't want to be seen unless it's family. He will go out with me if he gets sick of sitting indoors but it's minimal social contact. He has his good friends but they are all like him and sit in front of their computers and laugh and think of ways to make money. A bunch of computer nerds who had better grow up to make money to take care of their mothers in old age. Not if he doesn't finish school.

I am so sick of taking all these meds and I know if I took care of myself I probably could get off of many of them but my will is weak, tired, exhausted, and I am broken. I am bouncing around on the bottom. Kripes I need to see my therapist.