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Thread: OT September Chit Chat

  1. #101
    Distinguished Community Member Earth Mother 2 Angels's Avatar
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    ((((((Virginia)))))) ~

    Just the fact that this woman's contact and suggestion to have lunch is causing you stress is enough reason to say "no" to her. You shouldn't have to feel conflicted about not wanting to associate with her. You didn't seek her out, nor would you have sought her out. You were fine without her in your life, and now that she's popped back into your life, she's creating stress for you.

    I agree with agate that she sounds like a manipulative person with an agenda. She gave you an opportunity to work, but you were the one, who made the effort and moved forward with your life after your husband's death and then your divorce. You worked very hard for her, and she put you in some difficult situations, took advantage of your work ethic and kindness, and yes, used you. You owe her nothing. She may like to make you feel that you owe her, but you do not.

    I think Facebook has turned the word "friend" into a meaningless, ambiguous term. It's one of the reasons why I am not and never will be on Facebook. You wouldn't choose this woman to be your friend. So, why should you feel uneasy about turning down her "friend" request? It just puts people in an awkward position and creates ... yes ... stress.

    You have enough on your plate, and right now you're concerned about Irma hitting your community. So, ignoring her, or deciding not to connect with her is one less thing on your plate. And it is not something about which you should feel any guilt. Have lunch with a real friend, and let this lady wallow in her beer, wine, and F bombs. She'll be fine. And so will you.

    Love & Light,

    Rose
    Mom to Jon, 48, (seizure disorder; Gtube; trache; colostomy; osteoporosis; hypothyroid; enlarged prostate; lymphedema, assorted mysteries) and Michael, 32, (intractable seizures; Gtube), who were born with an undiagnosed progressive neuromuscular disease and courageous spirits. Our Angel Michael received his wings in 2003 and now resides in Heaven. Our Angel Jon lives at home with me and Jim, the world's most wonderful dad.

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  3. #102
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    So, here is my dilemma:
    I was born to a family of 8 children; I was the youngest. Both parents were alcoholics, and had "loose morals". When I was 17 months old, my mother ran off with a lover, leaving the 8 kids. The oldest was 12. He and his younger brother, 10, were already in trouble with juvenile authorities. My father called his sister, said, "child protective services are coming tomorrow to pick up all the kids. You wanted another baby, a girl -- do you want (my name)? She's sickly; I don't know what'll happen to her..." So his sister and husband left their suburban home and came into the big city, into the "slum area", and picked me up. At the time the family was living in an empty store front, particularly in the empty rooms behind what would have been the public store. My earliest childhood memory is standing, barefoot, inside the room, looking out the storefront windows, watching rain pouring down, and lightning strike the transformer on the street...

    So his sister and husband picked me up. Took me out to their suburban home, and reared me as their own, formally adopting me when I was 6 years old. Unknown to me at the time, my biological mother came back to her husband with another baby in arms, and gathered up her kids. Except me. Actually, she came out to the suburbs to get me. My adoptive parents offered her instead $500, with the caveat that if she took the money , she would relinquish all rights to me, and never bother them again. She took the money and moved herself and her kids to Florida (we were in Illinois), never to contact me or my adoptive family again.

    Just to be clear, my adoptive mother was biologically my aunt, sister to my biological father. I was reared in this home, not remembering anything about my biological family. I didn't know I was adopted, and wasn't told I was adopted. Until my 33rd birthday, when I had already been married for 12 years, lived far away from home. One of my biological brothers called me -- ostensibly to wish me a happy birthday, but really to extort money from me! Seems they had been contacting my adoptive mother for years, extorting money from her: "Give us money, or we'll tell (me) that she's adopted." That was a secret she didn't want me to know, so she paid. But THIS time she refused, thinking I was far enough away, married, they wouldn't find me. She was wrong. They found me, called me, wanting money.

    That was a joke. I was working for the "princely" sum of $9,000/year; TC's job paid him a whopping $12,000/year (this was in 1978)...and essentially living from paycheck to paycheck. I refused, told them never to call me again, and stopped there.

    Fast forward to now. TC got interested in this ancestry.com thing -- so we sent off our spit, got our DNA analysis, and they also send a list of "potential relatives". I got a several page list, mostly of "second cousins", "third cousins", etc. And thought no more about it. Until I got an email from a "second cousin twice removed" -- which means that her grandfather and my grandfather were brothers. She sent me all the research she's done, including the names of my biological mother (which I didn't know), the names of all my biological siblings (of which 3 are still alive), and my name. TC is encouraging me to contact the live siblings. I'm ambivalent. My biological parents are dead, several of the siblings dead, the other three (including the one that shares my biological mother but not my father). I'm of two minds -- curious about how the others led their lives, which I could maybe find out a little, by contacting one of them....or "let(ting) sleeping dogs lie".

    What do you think? (those of you who have bothered to read this..
    ...I am not a doctor nor medical professional, and don't pretend to be one, here... :o

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  5. #103
    Distinguished Community Member agate's Avatar
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    My curiosity would prevail, I think. I'd want to know and try to contact them. Unfortunately there's the grim possibility that some or all of them might want to glom onto you for what they could get. One's blood relatives can turn out to be just as greedy and grasping as anyone else.

    But I'm sure you'll spot the bad apples among them and be able to steer clear of them though there might be some nuisance spells when you'll be getting unwanted calls or even drop-in visits. I was about to add, "Not if you don't let them know your address until you're ready to share that information"--but then I remembered that the Internet can often pinpoint a person's address with an uncanny precision.

    How amazing that you were able to find out so much information though!
    MS diagnosed 1980. Avonex 2002-2005. Copaxone 6/07 - 5/10.
    Member of this MS board since 2001.

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  7. #104
    Distinguished Community Member Pegakafarmgirl's Avatar
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    at,, nothing ventured, nothing gained,,, I would , but keep everyone at bay, till U feel comfortable,, curious, as a cat I would be......
    " Don't outsmart your common sense"

    Peg

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  9. #105
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    Thanks everyone for the support. Thanks Howie for the ((((Hug)))). What Rose said made a lot of sense in that I was the one who took the initiative to pull myself up and go for the interview in the first place, and I was still able to do the work, so guess I've been selling myself short.

    Cat, your situation is very interesting. If I had siblings I think I would have to contact them. If you were alone and they could in any way take advantage of you it would even be a little different then, but you have TC and if anything turns out not to be right he is there to back you up. You might find this very interesting. After all they might just be real nice people, or even one of them might just turn out to be a real nice person. That would be great. I say go for it.
    Virginia

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  11. #106
    Distinguished Community Member Howie's Avatar
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    Cat, this is just me, but I would let sleeping dogs lie. I know my family line, and never met my grandfather from either side, because they had died early. I knew both my grandmothers, and saw each fairly often.

    I had cousins on my mother's side, I saw maybe twice in my life. They really mean nothing to me. I wish them well, but don't care to see them. What would I say...."So, how was your life?"

    But again, that's just me.
    Last edited by Howie; 09-09-2017 at 10:38 AM.
    Roswell was a gift.

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  13. #107
    Distinguished Community Member Jeanie Z's Avatar
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    :) Cat I would tend to not contact them. I have 1st cousins who I have met several times over the years. They live in SC.

    When my grandparents died (they were well off) the cousins and their parents took everything of value from their home and none of us got anything of value. One of my brothers did get their 10 year old car because none of them wanted it.

    David and I visited my aunt and uncle once and we did not feel close and decided to never go visit again. I do get email from one cousin but rarely. I answer but don't go overboard.

    Facebook I have two friends I wish I had not accepted and since then I have not accepted any friend requests. I also found that on Facebook in the upper corner of any post there is a sign and if I click it I can eliminate reading that persons posts. Some of the animal sites that I clicked "like" started showing up a lot so I clicked that sign on their post and now I don't get those. Jeanie :)

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  15. #108
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    Jeanie, you can unfriend a person without notifying them. Let me know if you want to do that and I'll help.


    Whatever happens around you, don't take it personally. Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. -- Miguel Ruiz

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  17. #109
    Distinguished Community Member BBS1951's Avatar
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    Cat this is a very personal decision only you can make. If it was happening to me, I wouldn't want that in my life. The only thing I share is DNA. But that's me. Likely, many of them are dysfunctional people. You risk that being in your life. But, like I said, only you know what's right for you.

    Nothing ventured nothing gained may be incorrect. Nothing ventured everything gained may be correct: you would keep your sanity and security. They may be filled with unstable con men.

    Could always hire a private detective to find out about them first.

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  19. #110
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    Thanks, y'all. Yeah, my inclination was..and is...to let sleeping dogs lie. I'm 70....I last saw these folks 68 years ago (talked to one of them 37 years ago...briefly)...and haven't missed them....nor have they apparently missed me. I'm showing TC this thread, telling him "my gang says to let it be".. :)

    A side note: have you ever put your name into Google and pressed "enter"?? Scary. Within seconds my name/address and even GPS coordinates come up, and a map showing EXACTLY where I live! I know some of them know my name ....and apparently they haven't shown up at my door....so I'm not gonna show up at theirs! :)
    ...I am not a doctor nor medical professional, and don't pretend to be one, here... :o

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