Rose, doctors are unbelievable. They apparently don't want to take the time to read through a patient's history. It's just too much trouble for them. I've heard this justified on the grounds that they see no reason to take somebody else's opinion on their patient--they're quite capable of making up their own minds about that patient, thank you. This is sheer nonsense. I hope that isn't your Dr. P's attitude but it does sound as if she overlooked the RA and the effect of that oversight has been serious.
My mother had RA and it was very crippling. She tried Motrin and other drugs available at the time (1970s-mid-1980s), even had a hip replacement (but refused to have the other hip done). I believe she settled for her old standby, aspirin, after trying other remedies.
It's hard to say much about a situation at long distance but it definitely sounds as if you need more help than you're getting. I hope that you'll be able to find the time and energy to start looking for some help.
It must be very difficult for you to see Jim in so much pain. I hope that things will ease up for all 3 of you--and that that doctor will feel so concerned that she'll work harder at trying to remedy the situation.