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Thread: OT March Chit Chat

  1. #101
    Distinguished Community Member Jeanie Z's Avatar
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    :) The man at the credit union was a waste of time. He sells stocks, etc. He said I need to see a lawyer and set up a trust to protect the money. I might call Legal Aid or my sister's son in Illinois who is a lawyer.

    Sally I am soooo happy to see your post.

    My friend Howie's funeral is tomorrow at noon and they are sitting Shiva on Sunday. Can anyone tell me what I do at sitting Shiva? Thanks, Jeanie :)

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  3. #102
    Distinguished Community Member agate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jeanie Z View Post
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    :) The man at the credit union was a waste of time. He sells stocks, etc. He said I need to see a lawyer and set up a trust to protect the money. I might call Legal Aid or my sister's son in Illinois who is a lawyer.

    Sally I am soooo happy to see your post.

    My friend Howie's funeral is tomorrow at noon and they are sitting Shiva on Sunday. Can anyone tell me what I do at sitting Shiva? Thanks, Jeanie :)
    I'm pretty sure you pay your respects by visiting at one of the stated times during the 7-day shiva period.

    http://www.shiva.com/learning-center...ay-at-a-shiva/
    MS diagnosed 1980. Avonex 2002-2005. Copaxone 6/07 - 5/10.
    Member of this MS board since 2001.

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  5. #103
    Distinguished Community Member Howie's Avatar
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    Wow, that's kind of complicated. I would be afraid I would do something seen by others as rude or disrespectful. I don't have to worry about that anyway. After my mom's funeral, I took my suit to goodwill. It's just my brother and sister and myself left, and I'm hoping I go first.

    I'm having a "direct cremation" where there is no waiting after death. And having no service or gathering of any kind. I am signed up to give a brain sample for MS research, then I'm toast.
    "Moving to Montana soon, gonna be a dental floss tycoon."

    Frank Zappa

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  7. #104
    Distinguished Community Member agate's Avatar
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    It's no more complicated than appearing at a wake or "visitation." I believe the idea is to pay your respects to the bereaved family. Your presence there, even if for only a short time, can mean a lot to people who need the support of people they know.

    Jeanie, I'm sure that with your MS you shouldn't feel obliged to turn up at the shiva. I'm sure that a nice note of condolence will be greatly appreciated.

    Maybe someone else from your group will go to represent the group?
    MS diagnosed 1980. Avonex 2002-2005. Copaxone 6/07 - 5/10.
    Member of this MS board since 2001.

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  9. #105
    Distinguished Community Member Howie's Avatar
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    Okay, visitation I've done during my dad's funeral. It was an unexpected pleasure to see folks I knew in high school, and some of the folks my dad worked with who knew me.
    "Moving to Montana soon, gonna be a dental floss tycoon."

    Frank Zappa

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  11. #106
    Distinguished Community Member Jeanie Z's Avatar
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    :)I talked to his wife today and not many people are still alive from our group. A few are home bound. I am going to the funeral at noon and after to his house for a short visit. I will take some sodas and some mangoes from the freezer. I do not recall whether they eat kosher or not.

    Howie had 5 children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. The youngest son is the one who died. Sunday one daughter is having Shiva at her house. I prefer to go to the one at the wife's invite after the funeral.

    Andy is coming tomorrow and pressure clean my driveway. Andy will also give Lacy a bath. Jim came and put my seat covers on the front seats of the van.

    I only got a few hours of sleep last night, so I am hoping tonight I crash hard. I am more tired than usual. Agate thanks for the Shiva info it was very helpful. Love and prayers for all of you. Jeanie :)

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  13. #107
    Distinguished Community Member BBS1951's Avatar
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    You ar a good person Jeannie, paying your respects despite how hard it will be. The mangos etc will be welcome. Sitting shivs refers to the mourners. There are prescribed things that the mourners do which are pretty wonderful. For the guests, your appearance is all that is asked of. Bringing food is welcomed but not required.

    At the shiva I attended, at some point a Rabbi showed up and said some ritualizaed prayers. Jews participated. But participation is not required.

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  15. #108
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    Sitting shiva is not that complicated, and a nice thing to do to show your support. Non-Jewish people are not expected to know what to do (except to only show up at the times designated). It really is no different than other receptions before or after a funeral.

    Jeanie, if you indeed want to ensure your sons get your estate, you need to see a lawyer as soon as possible. There is a period of time that must pass between the time you turn over your assets to a time when you go into a nursing home, and the time is measured in *years* ... I think two, but it may be longer. So if you were to turn everything over to them now, you could not go into a nursing home (to live) for at least two years...or they would come after your sons to pay for your care (just as they'd do if you kept the assests yourself- --they would demand you pay). So don't waste time! And not every lawyer is trained or skilled into how to do this. You might want to call your county department on aging who can give you references to lawyers trained in estate planning.

    This should be a good warning to everyone! If you haven't already done this (and have any assets really worth anything), go TODAY and get a trust established so that you can pass along your savings to your family.
    ...I am not a doctor nor medical professional, and don't pretend to be one, here... :o

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  17. #109
    Distinguished Community Member Lazarus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jeanie Z View Post
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    :) Rose, Agate and Suzeq thank you for your kind thoughts. Howie's wife of 40 years left him after the son died because she did not want to be his caretaker. He has had cancer for several years. In spite of that he took over the group I used to lead. He married a lady from the Ukraine. Her brother is a well off contractor and built Howie an accessible house. I never heard Howie say an unkind word about anyone and he was positive in spite of very limited ability.

    His wife Elena took care of him when she was not at work. (She taught gymnastics.) He had a male aid part of each day. They are Jewish and I need to find out about sitting Shiva. It will be Friday.

    Rose your posts are always so positive and inspirational, we are lucky to have you on our board. I could not sleep so I am up on the computer and getting stuff ready for the credit union tomorrow. Nighty night. Jeanie :)
    Hello,
    Sitting shiva is just going to the house and visiting. You will probably find mirrors in the house are covered. People who visit always brought goodies to nibble. There was always so much food. Conversation was always pleasant like you would expect at a wake. in my situation it was a comforting visit between friends.
    Linda~~~~

    Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says:"Oh Crap, She's up!"

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  19. #110
    Distinguished Community Member Howie's Avatar
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    Cat, I have a living will. Is that a good move?
    "Moving to Montana soon, gonna be a dental floss tycoon."

    Frank Zappa

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