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Thread: update for those who care

  1. #1
    Distinguished Community Member houghchrst's Avatar
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    Default update for those who care

    I'm terrified. CJ will be gone for good in the next week or so. He has an apartment but isn't sleeping there yet. he has been cleaning his furniture here and working on an Aztec for me for transportation then he will most likely be gone. i'm so scared. After 17 yrs I have to try to learn to live alone again. I am glad he stayed as long as he did. I was devastated when we broke up but I no longer am in love with him. i love him, care about him but am no longer in love. I feel this way I got some closure and I have my 'what did I ever see in him' moments. I have made a budget though i don't know if i will be able to afford living alone but I am damn sure gonna try.

    not long ago he and B got into a fight, a bad one (remember those days anyone), I punched cj in the face but it woke him up and the fight was over. So he and B are treading lightly. B is angry at CJ for being a liar and putting me through this so I once again try to stick up for cj in some ways. CJ threatened to take custody of J though i knew he would never get it and of course J and i had to have a long talk abaout that just in case but before cj even got to work he changed his mind. Poor J, put through all this that he doesn't need.

    I still cry once in a while but it is few and far between, mostly for all that seems to have been lost. Funny how now if cj wanted to stay together I think I'd have to say no. He has changed, he thinks he's matured and is the person he wants to be but I kinda don't like the new guy, he's and ***hole lol.

    Seems every time i turn around something is breaking down, i'm taalking every day something quits working and cj fixes it. He says I can call him whenever I need him, J and I have priority but I don't think a new girlfriend would enjoy regular phone calls from an ex. I don't know what I'll do without him here. I'm pretty competent when it comes to fixing things but I don't know that much about motors and electrical.

    that's my get it off my chest about cj posst I needed it. I am still terrified but now I feel less alone.

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  3. #2
    Distinguished Community Member Jo6's Avatar
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    Nov 2006
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    Queenie,, you will do just fine, probably better!!!! I have faith in you, you have already been thru hell with CJ, He doesn't have any hold on you anymore! I left my EX after 17 years, with 4 kids. I made it, so I know you can. Things may try to crowed in now and again, but blow them right off and remember, I AM WOMAN,HEAR ME ROAR!!

    Like I said, I believe in you, You are a strong woman knowing all you have been thru. Now don't you forget to believe in YOU, OK??

    I love you LIL Queenie, Big Queenie.
    Did you ever know that you're my hero and every thing I would like to be I can fly higher than an eagle
    'cause you are the wind beneath my wings

    for my brother Ben

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  5. #3
    Distinguished Community Member tic chick's Avatar
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    Oct 2006


    ((((christina))) ,

    i so understand where you are, having been there a bit over 4 years ago (omg, it doesn't seem that long!). the hardest thing to do was to call the lawyer. maybe the dumbest was to let him stay 7 months after the separation was finalized, but i had a financial incentive to do that, namely getting the credit card debt down to a decent number so we could then split the monthly payment.

    yeah, i went through the "what am i going to do if ________ happens", but, i think my peace of mind was more important. tearing out the kitchen floor and painting walls and doing the garden all made me feel capable and boosted my self esteem. you would be surprised what you can learn from the internet. last christmas, my water tank was leaking. a slow leak. i asked the ex to take a look at it one day. he half-axxed looked around and said he didn't know. fast forward two weeks and this leak is now a river and has been sopped up by clothes i had washed, boxed and on their way to charity. so, i googled "wtf do you do when your water tank is leaking" . it said if the tank was leaking from the bottom, you were screwed. it also said if it's leaking from the top, to check and see if the hoses are tightened enough to the thingies sticking out of the tank. so i go downstairs and i see a rivulet of water from the top. i feel the top of the tank and it's wet. i uncover the pipes from the foam that is around them. i see the leak coming from one hose. i could have just gotten a wrench and tightened it, but i was still scared to do that. so when my son came home, i asked him to. end of leak.

    i also found out how to reset the timing of my washing machine by just asking that question in google and putting in my model number. turns out all i had to do was disconnect the machine for one minute, put the plug back in and then open and shut the machine door 6 times within 15 seconds...i lmao at that, but it worked.

    one thing that i learned because i still care about and love my ex in a certain way (as you said you did), was to never have any regrets over being with him as long as i did. i had 3 beautiful children and everything i learned from this marriage has made me a better and stronger person, although sometimes it effs up my current relationship...but i even recognize that quickly. change happens when your mind is ready to accept the lesson.

    how about "unenthusiastic" or "apathetic" for the way you feel about going to church now after you were going for awhile? it's not really add or whatever, but maybe it served it's purpose. you are not passionate about it anymore....this is from one of your posts from about a month or 2 ago. i remembered it, but didn't sit down and think of a few adjectives.

    if cj really wants to help you, maybe you can set aside one day per month for him to come over and do all the little things that you need done, unless of course you have a water heater leak.

    it's okay to feel terrified, it won't last long. you're not alone here either because we all care about you. you will make it chris! i believe in you!

    Last edited by tic chick; 05-03-2015 at 01:00 PM.
    WE ARE BT!
    "The world is a better place when you're barefoot." Mark
    "Don't go there unless you know the way back." TC
    "...there will be an answer. Let it be." Paul McCartney

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  7. #4
    Administrator/SYSOP Mike Weins's Avatar
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    Question: Why can't I post links or pictures?
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    Answer: You are in the "registered users" user group. This group is very limited in what it can do. This will annoy spammers to no end Just keep posting once you have been registered for 30 days and have made 11 posts your account will be "unlocked".

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    Alternatively when you click on a person's name and view their profile page, underneath their avatar, there is a option that says, "Ignore this person". Click that link and then click the yes button.

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  9. #5
    Distinguished Community Member
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    my son sweas by you tube. the things he did not pay attebtion too when hi8s dad was trying to teach him how to fix, he ow has to loo0k it up. BUT THAT WATY HE CAN GO AT HIS OWN PACE AND GO BACK AS MANYTIMES AS HE NEEDS TO UNTIL HE UNDERSRTANDS WHAT HE IS READIG, LOL. TIS TRUE.

    \sorry about caps. chrstina i am right in here with the re4ast of the gang yelling you can make it. just don't panic, sorry bu i know that isd hard. just pause and regroup youirself. call any one of us if that will help or PM us. I think that you will be stronger than you ever thought you could be. and that your kids are probablly a lot happier to boot.

    and my advice, not to worry about a new girlfriend. you have a kids that shouold come first and you by rights have priority over a girlfriend. I have had friends that moved off that called me at any and all hours if they needed too. heck I woriked back then and did fine. now i can sleep any old time i nweed to so no worries. and also my hubby is a pretty good handyman si hwe might could tal;k you through some repairs if need be. love you.

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  11. #6
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    Christina, I have no doubt that you are a strong woman. That you all will make it just fine. Let CJ help with repairs if need be. I would also think that J is old enough that a judge would let him decide who he wants to live with. Hopefully, he wouldn't have to make that decision.
    Take care,

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  13. #7
    Distinguished Community Member Earth Mother 2 Angels's Avatar
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    ((((((Christina)))))) ~

    Begin by having confidence in your decision. Know that the choice you've made is the best one for you and B, and likely CJ as well. Change is very difficult, and it will take time to adjust to your new beginning of an independent life. So give yourself that time, and don't expect everything to be perfect right off the bat.

    You need to cry. Tears are healing. Let them flow. You are grieving a loss, and tears are a natural part of grieving. Allow yourself to feel your feelings.

    Take a good look at yourself. How many things have you accomplished in your life, where you may have thought at the time that you couldn't make it? But you did make it. Through all of the roughest patches. You are still standing. So stand up tall and be proud of yourself for being so strong and persevering.

    Have faith in what you can do, and who you are. Believe in yourself. You will be surprised at how much you can do without CJ's help. You will discover your untapped abilities, and you will find new resources for assistance.

    In my experience, I found that it is better to be alone than it is to be lonely in a relationship. Being unencumbered also opens the door to new possibilities for love and companionship with someone else. If it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone.

    Yes, this is an ending, but it is also an opportunity for you to follow a new path in your journey. To find true happiness and fulfillment.

    Finally, remember this ~ you are not alone. You have many friends, who love you, and who are here for you to lend a shoulder and support you. When you need to talk about it, talk about it. That's why we're here.

    Sending a healing prayer for your hurting heart ~

    Love & Light,

    Mom to Jon, 49, and Michael, 32, who were born with an undiagnosed progressive neuromuscular disease and courageous spirits. Our Angel Michael received his wings in 2003. Our Angel Jon received his wings April 2019. April 2020, Jim, the world's most wonderful Dad, joined them. Now, they all watch over me.

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