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Thread: My struggles....

  1. #1

    Default My struggles....

    It all started in the spring of 2009. I woke up one morning, and my mental health collapsed. I came to the realization that I was 24, with no driver's license, nothing more than a part-time job grocery store job, living under my parent's roof, never having finished my undergrad degree, and no girlfriend. I was miserable. I couldn't take it anymore.

    But things did not change for a while. It started with the gradual repayment of my student loans. It started with a $2000 cheque from my grandfather for Christmas. He died a few months later, and I made the decision to put the entire amount plus another thousand onto those loans just days before he died. Hours were still plentiful at my part-time job, and this helped me make another series of payments, and the loans were paid off by the end of 2010.

    That was a good help. I also started donating blood in 2010. It was infrequent at first, but would later become very regular a couple of years later. That too was important because I was saving lives in a simple way. But there was still so much to do. My next project was intended to be to take another stab at my driver's license which I tried and failed at in the spring. Unfortunately, the driving teacher I'd used was unavailable, and was hesitant to go with someone else. So I turned to another goal. I got braces. It started with a whole bunch of dental work, including many fillings, and from there, I also got my wisdowm teeth out. The braces went on in November 2011. Again, it was one more thing to make me feel better.

    I finally got tired of the endless academic struggles and constant program changes. I gave up the impossible dream of a French minor, and went back to a History minor as it had been originally to go with my English major. So four year program took the better part of eight years with the odd semester off because of academic struggles and six program changes. I was set to graduate. I'd be finishing with my sister who was four years younger because I had taken so long. She had actually left and moved into a place with her boyfriend shortly before the academic semester ended, another kick in the teeth to say the least. Shortly before graduating, I took a second crack at the novice driver's license, missing by a single point. That same instructor I had before actually stared at my results sheet for ten minutes and nearly went to the DMV for clarfication because it was so close. The third time would be the charm two weeks after graduating.

    So with those two things accomplished, 2012 was a relatively productive year for me. 2013 would be more mundane. My only project that year was weight loss. And I got lots of it, more than twenty pounds by the time summer was over. I was lighter than I'd ever been, and it felt really good. My weight had long bothered me, and it was nice to feel good about my appearance. It was also at this time I got enrolled in a different university in my home province, taking library studies online. 2014 saw the removal of the aforementioned braces, and I got more driving lessons, and managed to get my first driver's license on my second attempt. It would be the "pathway" towards the diploma program I wanted. There was also another small improvement in my physical appearance with the removal of two small moles on my neck. Perhaps the best news came shortly before Christmas when I got admission to the full library technician program at university.

    Obviously, I've come a very long way. But every time I accomplish something, it gives me a temporary high, only to crash again once the novelty of completing a goal has worn off. I'm still living with my parents. I still don't have a girlfriend or a satisfying job. And sometimes I feel stuck constantly dreaming up new projects to make me feel good, even to the point where I've considered using my savings for liposuction to correct one body image issue that still remains. Blood donation has been a constant pick-me-up for so long, and it would be nice to have something more constant than that. I think the ray of hope I have for more progress is the possibility of moving to the city where the main university campus is to take those courses in person. But I hesitate out of concern about being able to make ends meet while I'm down there.....

    Thanks for listening.

  2. #2
    Distinguished Community Member tic chick's Avatar
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    Oct 2006
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    Default

    hey michael!

    i just wanted to welcome you to braintalk (bt) before i go to bed.

    you have an interesting story. i post a lot in the emotional support forum. we share many different kinds of problems and medical conditions and i daresay we've all been depressed at one time or another. please join us in that forum if you want to talk about anything specific or not. we are mature women and we welcome all men and women to our forum.

    i'll write back soon, but just wanted to say hey and welcome!

    jeannie
    Here's to good women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them.
    "The world is a better place when you're barefoot." Mark
    "Don't go there unless you know the way back." TC
    "...there will be an answer. Let it be." Paul McCartney

  3. #3
    New Community Member
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    Apr 2009
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    Idaho
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    Thank you so much for sharing your struggles Michael.

  4. #4

    Default

    hey Michael, yes....u had a lot of struggle! But there is one positive thing which I have noticed. At least, u have a plan for yourself. U have desire to do something better than what u have right now. I think this will help u to move on. Just don't think too much, don't hesitate and keep going. Always keep in mind..."If there's a will there's a way"

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