Hello all! Im a 37 year old woman with undiagnosed Tourettes. I've had tics for as long as I can remember. It was the "family joke". " There you go again, or, SIT STILL FOR GODS SAKE!!" I was completely cross-eyed until I was 3. In order to compensate for this, I began swaying my head to each side in a figure 8 motion, much like Stevie Wonder does. After getting corrective eye surgery, I continued to sway my head. This was a constant source of ridicule and shunning by my peers. Social situations became stressful, almost terrifying. Thus creating a strong urge to tic. But I forced myself to suppress them. I felt alone. Ashamed. Just...different. Afraid of making friends. Kids are cruel. They would roll their heads around and sing "I just Called to say I Love You." In third grade, I told the teacher that my classmate was making fun of me. To which she replied, "Oh, just go roll your head!" I felt betrayed, helpless and alone. Sure, my mother had a nice little chat with her, but it changed nothing. I didn't talk to my mom about it. I couldn't. She'd just dismiss it as me being "such a drama queen". I couldn't tell my step-dad; he was too busy with sporting events, beating my brother, and coming everyone we were the perfect family. So I spent most of my time alone with my music and my books.
Fast forward to age 15. I had a couple of friends. The black sheep crowd. It was then I discovered alcohol. The more I drank, the more comfortable I was. The tics subsided then. I felt FREE!! My love of the drink and love overwhelming desire for love sent me into a downward spiral, taking the ones I held most dear with me. My inability to accept myself for who I am, and LOVE MYSELF caused me to lose my children. The state took my babies away from me. I couldn't give them the life they deserve. I tried to get them back, but the government has its " own way if doing things ". A single parent who fled an extremely abusive marriage. A woman whose tics and anxieties interfered with her ability to hold down a job. No car. No money. NO FUTURE. I drank. A lot. It was my only coping skill. I didn't want my children growing up taking care of their drunk of a mom. So before the state TOOK my parental rights, I signed them away. For them. That's a pain I don't wish on anyone. It almost killed me. A few times.
Now I have almost 2 years sober! In a relationship with my Twin Flame, he not only acknowledges my tics; he EMBRACES them! After MANY long years of relying on psychiatriata to listen to and help me, I've been picked at prodded, labelled, and medicated to my breaking point!! Whenever I broach the Tourettes subject, it is promptly dismissed, rediagnosed, an re-medicated. I feel like a GUINEA PIG! And the meds I take for the depression, the bi-polar, the PTSD...they sure as **** don't help! Some make my tics so bad they trigger anxiety attacks!
Im willing to try CBT. But what I really want is a NATURAL way to curb the severity of the tics. Constant daily motor and vocal tics, constantly redirecting the tics in public, always making sure people don't see/hear me tic over 35 years...I'm drained. And now, my body just ACHES due to the muscle and joint strain my tics cause. I NEED HELP!!!
Fast forward to age 15. I had a couple of friends. The black sheep crowd. It was then I discovered alcohol. The more I drank, the more comfortable I was. The tics subsided then. I felt FREE!! My love of the drink and love overwhelming desire for love sent me into a downward spiral, taking the ones I held most dear with me. My inability to accept myself for who I am, and LOVE MYSELF caused me to lose my children. The state took my babies away from me. I couldn't give them the life they deserve. I tried to get them back, but the government has its " own way if doing things ". A single parent who fled an extremely abusive marriage. A woman whose tics and anxieties interfered with her ability to hold down a job. No car. No money. NO FUTURE. I drank. A lot. It was my only coping skill. I didn't want my children growing up taking care of their drunk of a mom. So before the state TOOK my parental rights, I signed them away. For them. That's a pain I don't wish on anyone. It almost killed me. A few times.
Now I have almost 2 years sober! In a relationship with my Twin Flame, he not only acknowledges my tics; he EMBRACES them! After MANY long years of relying on psychiatriata to listen to and help me, I've been picked at prodded, labelled, and medicated to my breaking point!! Whenever I broach the Tourettes subject, it is promptly dismissed, rediagnosed, an re-medicated. I feel like a GUINEA PIG! And the meds I take for the depression, the bi-polar, the PTSD...they sure as **** don't help! Some make my tics so bad they trigger anxiety attacks!
Im willing to try CBT. But what I really want is a NATURAL way to curb the severity of the tics. Constant daily motor and vocal tics, constantly redirecting the tics in public, always making sure people don't see/hear me tic over 35 years...I'm drained. And now, my body just ACHES due to the muscle and joint strain my tics cause. I NEED HELP!!!
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