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houghchrst

Another Friday

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Yay!! Make the last of necessary phone calls today to end the week. No appts. though I do temporarily have the car. Don't think I will be going anywhere today though I do miss the social clubs.

Still maintaining my morning routine, still forgetting to brush teeth once in a while. I know it is because I am not doing it first thing, I get my coffee and smokes turn on the puter and get on. If the dang bathroom sink worked I would do it right after I do my morning bathroom duty.

Three more days of smoking. I am excited but I am scared. I am hopeful, committed, I must commit myself to this wonderful thing. Look on it as a new start on life. I have my exercise chair back in the living room, my gazelle on the patio for now (which I have been using) my knees and hips hate me right now but hopefully that will pass. My nails are finally growing again so the nutritional supplements must be working. I don't know if the D3 is helping but my mood is better. Plus my meds for the first time in a long time are stable. Psych meds are soon to go back up when I see my psych which will go a long way to help with my withdrawals.

I have been cleaning and purging my sewing room to make it more pet friendly. It was all good for a small dog but I had a lot of pretties I had to stash away so they wouldn't get broken, first when Teddy figured out how to get on the table by the window some things were scattered and then the kittens were holy terrors and got into everything so I had to stash even more. It is definitely dog friendly now and relatively kitty proof. Still beautiful and useful as a sewing room without much hassle.

Now that we have had our first foster fail I think we will take a break but I really don't want to. I know it is sensible for both Jared and my anxiety levels. We need to decompress before the next one. Thinking of waiting until after Christmas. A new foster would help pass the time and be a distraction from smoking if I didn't wait. Maybe I will talk to Jared. It is so hard to wait because there are so many out there that need help, I keep looking at all of them and want to help. Wondering if it would be possible to also make a stray hold area in the basement or decompression area. I have mentioned that i have that room open now but that I am waiting for that right one.

I got on to check in with the newbie here and started reading the first post of hers I came to where she talks about her children and just started crying. And thanking God that I am so lucky and praying for them. I feel that I have no right to cry about my problems when there are people out there like Rose and the newbie who face far worse challenges than I do and they manage to have wonderful words for others. I feel inadequate. Like I have no right to even be here. There is nothing wrong with me, it's all in my head, and I hurt. so what, at least I can still get around, my children are all physically healthy, screwed in the head but hey we love each other.

I have applied for a loan at my bank, my credit score is up thanks to the credit cards I applied for and were approved. I want to get the loan from my bank, pay off those two cards that way I only have one interest bearing card instead of two. Keep the two for ERs which I doubt I will need. One less thing I have to worry about.

Have gotten the house pretty much Halloweenified. Still have a box to go through, have been throwing away some raggedy stuff, going a little more stylish this year instead of just putting random Halloween stuff everywhere. no reason no rhyme.

There was sumthin' else but I don't recall.

Updated 10-17-2018 at 12:00 AM by houghchrst

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Chris is babbling again.

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