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Sunday and

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a week from today will be my last day to smoke. I am going to put in a request to see my psych and get my meds back up where they were to help me get through it. I already have an appt but it isn't until the 17th. that's two days guess i can wait that long.

It is a perfectly dreary Sunday, one of those ones where you have oatmeal and toast for breakfast and chill with my snuggly on and watch horror movies.

Didn't get much tv watching done yesterday. Am slowly get bedroom taken care of and purging there. Still need Jared's drawers. Did some living room rearranging and cleaning and purging yesterday because I want to try to get the Gazelle in here, got some laundry taken care of, loaded the dishwasher, cleaned a little in the foster room

I have been feeling better since my meds have been stabilized. Still stressed about money but the only way that is going away is if I win the lottery and I don't play so I don't see that happening. Things are going to get worse when Jared hits 18 if he is not enrolled in school full time then child support ends for him. I will lose $305 a month. That extra keeps my head above water. That is my tax payment. Also if he is not in school he has to attend the Workfirst Program through DHS to find a job or volunteer position in order to get foodstamps. That is another $68. Not much but helps. That will go. I don't know if we can get him mental impairment to qualify. He wants to work but I think his own anxiety kicks in when he thinks about it. I think he is loaded enough with not getting school done lol.

I have an over abundance of can goods and boxed meals and frozen meats from hitting the food banks. I could go every week but it is taking us forever to use what we have from my last stints. Honestly a family of 3 or 4 could survive by going to the food banks, many people take the bus. I have had to quit because I don't want to stockpile there are people out there worse off than I am that can use it. I am considering going but only taking what I need depending on how they are set up. some you drive through and they stick it in your trunk or back seat and some you get to shop. Sometimes I go and get a bunch of weird random stuff, diet pops and assorted drinks, candy, sweet bakery goods, just junk that you can't do crap with that was donated to the food bank.

I have said nothing about this Kavanaugh travesty. I feel the man is a liar. I believe he did it and was a drunken college student in his youth. Should that ruin his life, no. Should he be in the political position he is in, no. He is a liar and that alone should disqualify him, should the fact that he did it disqualify him, yes maybe. Can the sins of your youth be forgiven, should they be forgiven? I believe in second chances. I believe that if he had admitted that he had a drinking problem back then and may have no recall of it, had he apologized to her for his behavior back then for the horrible experience he put her through, he no longer drinks to excess and is sober and stepped down from his nomination he would have saved some face and may have eventually been able to come back from that. It pisses me off that the others involved have been told to lie instead of admitting to being a horny drunken teenage boy.

Dr. Ford, ooohhh honey, I am so sorry you had to go through that. That age is such a terribly confusing time for we females. So many events in those years that are meant to help us grow up the be the adults we are. Hormones on both sides, fueled by alcohol and the heady excitement of an impending party and most men are horny jerks at that age and are run only by their penises and unfortunately that lasts until it no longer works due to old age. And honey I believe you. And as for that flying stuff I totally get it. You have a fear about flying but you do it anyway. Take a valium first, it helps. maybe some on flight drinks. many people fly even though they have an anxiety about it. I think it is great that you were brave enough to come forward and I am sorry that they treated you like a criminal instead of the victim you are. I am proud to see how many women are behind you. Long as you know you are not alone and we are trying to make it right. Women should have taken over long before things got this bad. It's a shame.

I have sent out invites to a Game Night I am hosting, nothing major, board games, cards, dice whatever anyone wants to play, I have enough room to host two or three games at a time. Drinking is not a thing but they can if they want. Prolly no food, maybe snacks. Don't know how many will show. Looking forward to it.

Got bunch of little things done today. Membered to brush my teeth and do all my stuff. Back always hurting.


  1. funnylegs4's Avatar
    Good luck quieting the smoking. :) Best to you.

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