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houghchrst

Saturday mornings

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Love Saturdays, supposed to rain all weekend. gonna stay in my jammies and load the dishwasher, throw in a load of laundry and watch bad movies all day. Think I will go through Jared's dresser today while I do that and get rid of all those clothes he can't wear. Then he can use his dresser properly.

CJ has my car. He wrecked his, says he was avoiding a deer on the highway, yeah right he was probably road raging and got ran off the road. Jackass is going to get hurt one of these days.

Brandon will be moving in soon. He is going to have to work because I can't support him. I can't feed him. He is heartbroken and I feel for him but I am not emotionally equipped right now to deal with his drama.

Okay, my routine is still pretty much in place, sometimes still forget to brush my teeth. Have been trying to get the bathroom sink away from the wall but it is not cooperating with me.

I was early on my quitting date here lol. So anxious I was a week early. I got my gum in the mail the other day.Online support searched and checked in. I am gearing up for it. Kind of excited.

I am still getting on the gazelle for short stints. My knees are bad. Reminds me of physical therapy. I need to get my headphones on and actually attack the thing. The monitor needs batteries I keep forgetting. Depends on what I do in the day as to whether or not I get on. Most days I get on for a few. If I am active and doing all day then I figure I got my exercise in. I haven't ridden my bike this year, bummer. In the condition my knees are in I know I couldn't make it around the circle, I had to work my way up to it a few years ago.

You know when I started in this group I remember being happier, stressed but happier. I couldn't wait to get my coffee and get on and see everybody. We were thriving. So many of us that it was almost like instant messaging. I feel so much worse and I don't know if life is just beating me down, I know my health has gotten worse and that is really depressing.

I feel like I get so little done, there is so much that needs to be done. I was rereading notes from Nan from our therapy sessions and I saw a phrase I had said that she wrote down that says "constant sense of urgency". I walk around and sit and probably sleep with my shoulders hunched up. I always feel like there is something that needs to be done immediately, like the white rabbit in Alice In Wonderland, and it is stuck in my head in the back niggling at me, whispering-this needs to be done, how are you going to pay that, how much is that going to cost, kripes another repair needs to be done, mow the lawn, do the dishes, wash the laundry, bathroom is gross again, clean my room, the foster room, the basement, get the yard ready for winter, how am I going to get that dead tree down, trim the overgrown thorny hedge all of it constantly, constantly, constantly babbling in my head. I don't know if I am manic, is that a form of my bipolar II mania. It has been so long since I researched it.

My thyroid could be off, just found out that my thyroid med is being recalled. Wonder if that could be an issue, I think I will look up the recall info more in depth. I always forget how much the thyroid affects the rest of the body. I also think I am taking too many meds. When I quit smoking I should be able to get off of some. So many are psych meds. Maybe I should look into mushrooms. I know a few people that use them to treat bipolar and anger issues. No meds and you would never know these people had anger issues, they are so mellow.
Counting letters in my head is really becoming an annoyance, the skin picking is getting better. Once it clears up I will be fine for a while. Need to leave my face alone.

Going back to original list

Clean and purge bedroom and get rid of some clothes.
Clean and purge bathroom and bathroom closets.
Jared's room clean, purge and rearrange, reattach closet doors
Clean and purge storage containers in kitchen cabinet.
Wash fridge shelves.
Clean and purge game closet
Dust basement.
Wash all odd sundries, rugs, blankets, pillows.
Clean garage.
Garbage and boxes out of basement.
Clean freezer room of basement.
Go through stuff in basement and purge.
Make a list of life changing things I want to start.

Well honestly all I have done is worked on the last one lol. I have done other things, purged some knick knacks in my room, got some of my clothes to the basement, slowly working on laundry, getting bedding and throws washed and taken care of, exercising a bit here and there. I want to continue to slowly work on my bedroom, have some stuff that can be thrown out and some that can sell in the spring. The dust is killing me, my ceiling fan flings out a ridiculous amount of dust in the dining room and kitchen.

Alright I am done time to do some things.

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