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Dear diary, I must confess it has been like three days since I have written. Naw lol not really.

Still feeling emotionally even, was going to say well but hah, I don't know if that will ever be the case. Last couple days have been good. Meds are stabilized for now. Just went to doc yesterday so there will be more to adjust to tonight. Told my doc I wanted my psych meds back and he tells me that I have to have the psych doc adjust them back. He screwed them up but can't fix them, damn state run clinic.

Jared went and saw his new psychiatrist yesterday, Christ they put him on Buspar and Trazadone aaannndd now I start crying again. Those are such serious meds. Not like the celexa and klonopin which are relatively harmless. I told her I was not happy about the trazadone but he is laying in bed for like 3-4 hours before he gets to sleep and he needs his sleep. everyone does. So I told her we would try it. I feel so broken for him. I wanted him to be the lucky one in the family. Maybe he won't have to stay on them for a lifetime. this may be an adolescent malaise. Praying.

Have got two more boxes started of stuff to get rid of, knick knack gifts that are gathering dust, stuff I don't use anymore. Jared has started asking me if there is anything I need done before he gets on the puter. I am going to have to start writing stuff down for him again because I can't remember everything I think of during the day for him to do. I will have to give him some positive reinforcement for that. I also need to start taking him driving so he can learn.

Spent money I shouldn't have yesterday, we will see how I pay for it this month. Less than a week of smoking left. I am looking forward to it but am terrified at the same time. Never did finish my Quitline homework, I will work on that today on the website. There are many support sites so I should have back up lol.

Still have little Chunk, wish someone would adopt the sweet baby. I am attached but not enough to want to keep him. That will be the perfect foster that I come across. That's one of the reasons I am ready for this baby to move on is so I can start on the next one. My foster room will have to be gone through. I am thinking that will be a major purge. I don't know, almost everything in there I hand picked because it is special to me and that is where all my craft stuff is.

Just remembered basement is leaking and I have a bit of a mess to clean up. Jared will have to help me. He will love that.


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