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once again in withdrawal. Nortryptiline. Pain and migraines creeping in. My own fault for cancelling my appointment. Had a wicked headache yesterday and felt sick. Spent part of the day laying down and napping. got up and made dinner. my trapezuus is one giant knot. It seems the more I write about what needs to be done the less I get done. The more depressed I feel about it. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea. My kitchen is relatively clean, my bathroom could use a once over but is not bad.

I got my kittens back. Not paige, maddie and Chunk instead which is a good thing because I may have kept Paige. Last thing I need is another vet bill. I just showed up to her house sort of unannounced. I texted her but I think she said her phone was out. The kittens were covered in fleas. I rushed my two to the vet and took flea meds for the two she had. Can't do anything for her own pets. Just gave some advice. I was furious. It flashed through my mind to just load them up and take them back. The more I talked to her the more I understood that it is not totally her fault. She loves her animals and has been trying but moved into a house only three months ago that was flea and rat infested. got rid of the rats and mice, still working on the fleas. I will keep in contact with her and help as much as I can. So now I have two fuzzy fweeties looking for new homes. Already had a bite but she messaged me this morning saying she had to decline. Think there was a hubby involved and she is kind of a distance away.

Slept better last night. Even with a short nap during the afternoon. I am going to quit the advice of that memory guy who said as soon as you wake up try remembering your dreams. My dreams leave me with a huge sense of melancholy. They are so vivid and bizarre and filled with people I do and don't know. Some of the places are familiar because I lived there and some are familiar because they were back drops to other dreams I have had. I can think of a dozen backdrops that have accompanied my dreams. Water is involved a lot. I will need to look that up. They are usually so vivid that I have been remembering them anyway. Often parties, shopping for beautiful dresses that I actually fit in. Strange but when I am shopping I know I am big and can remember trying to find sizes but the pretty dresses fit anyway even though I don't remember looking at their size. I can remember thinking how good I look and that I was thinner. Yeah melancholy.

Still haven't found the damn foot to my exercise machine. I should have noticed if it was not on there when they loaded it up. I am beginning to think she sold it because the foot was gone. I have tried contacting her but she of course is not responding. I will look that foot up too. I can't use it without the foot on it. It is uneven and the post will bend. Maybe if I write to the company.

I really miss being outside. The dogs and I use to go out every morning with my camera and walk the property and take pretty nature pictures. There is no reason for not going out now except for pain and that is an excuse. My favorite season has started. I need to get out. That I am throwing on my goal list. To get outside more. I would take Bella out but she won't let me put a harness on her. lol poor cat.

What has happened to me. I sit here and cry i have no ambition, it is all lethargy. Is it the heart meds? It has been almost a year since my heart attack and back then I wasn't doing much because my pain was overwhelming.

Tis Saturday, hoping to get my car fixed this weekend. Praying.

Updated 09-15-2018 at 07:31 AM by houghchrst

Chris is babbling again.


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