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egad too early

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It's nearly three in the a.m. and I could not go back to sleep, brain in high gear as soon as I get up to pee. I wake about this time every night but usually go right back to bed. If I didn't have the need to pee I would still be sleeping, not true, if I didn't have a cigarette when I got up it would be easier to go to sleep.

Thinking of just deleting all of this cause I don't think it really falls under the 'blog' category. More like a personal journal and that doesn't categorize here. Blogs are created for the purpose to spread knowledge to others. All I'm doing here is pretending like it's my therapist.

OMG this cat is driving me mad. She is in heat already and won't shut up I have a whole 'nother week and a half to go until she is spay. She will shred my foster room door by climbing on it. I need to get the stuff from Menards to cover it.

I don't know what I am doing here. Trying to find a way to hold myself accountable for the way I feel by examining the way I live? By seeing it alive on the page? By 'saying' it out loud.

I need to see my therapist. My psych doc says I am supposed to see her often because of my state of mind. LOL I find it funny when I read it 'my state of mind', makes me want to laugh when I think of it because I feel crazy. I have had no kind of therapy, not been outside working in far too long, hot which makes me ill, no music therapy, no cleaning therapy, no social therapy, no family therapy. for me those are just some of the categories where I find a bit of therapy for 'my state of mind'. Right now I am withdrawing from being without my Furosemide. it's been wonderful, since my insurance changed and I have had this pharmacy I have gone through withdrawal about once a month. No wonder I feel crazy.

my perfect life would be

quit smoking
lose weight
get exercise
whole foods diet
practice my faith
positive 'right thinking'
fostering animals
riding my bike
able to take care of my yard (cottage)
going for walks
getting another wiener lol
finishing my little library
for some reason I am compelled to write the word 'music' somewhere in there I have no idea why. Maybe because a good music stint can really change my mood. Music therapy.

that seems to be nothing but it is so monumental. when I look at the list there aren't that many things, some are not even really as important as the others, I had filler lol, the filler is so much easier to do. Maybe I should write what each one would take to do. Steps perhaps that I need to do to complete each one. Like 'quit smoking' then what are the steps I need to do to accomplish it.

bump, bump, I'm out

Updated 08-31-2018 at 10:34 AM by houghchrst

Chris is babbling again.


  1. funnylegs4's Avatar
    Quitting smoking is something you definitely should do.

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