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early today

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today I am early, woke at 5:30. I don't know how I went from somebody who went to bed at eleven or later and sleeping til ten to somebody who can't wait to get into bed at 9:30 and getting up at 5:30-6. I do like having this time to myself but it makes me want to nap everyday. My therapist said that napping is constructive. I also know that sleeping too much is a sign of depression. Yeah we're there.

Jared has a psych appt today that I forgot to tell him about so he is going to be mad when I wake him up.

What did I do yesterday? What is on the agenda for today. I don't believe I did anything on my list. I did, just not the list.

Took trash out
took my vitamins
brushed my teeth
cleaned the toilet
did dishes by hand
washed frying pans
went to wallyworld for cat supplies
washed kitchen counters
did a load of laundry, bathroom rugs

Let's see what there is for me to do today.

take meds and vitamins
brush teeth
finish kitchen
vacuum basement stairs
empty clean laundry from baskets, hang up my shirts and get my dirty clothes to basement
make meatloaf ahead of time for dinner tonight

My new thing starting today is making my bed in the morning. I kind of already do but not completely.

I need to mow the lawn soon, I am getting weeds so I don't know how to work all that too. Usually when I do my lawn that is all I can do. I am sure I will figure things out. I am finding that writing down last time was a fail. I got a lot done but not much on my list. Instead I am doing what I can and some of what needs to be done. I did stuff but not my list stuff. I don't feel like too much of a failure because I did get stuff done just not on the list. Maybe the list is not a good idea but it reminds me of stuff that does need to get done. I do need to make sure the kitchen and basement stay somewhat clean because they are coming to look at my plumbing.

I am already seeing that all I am writing is peripheral. My house. I always dreamed of living in a small cottage next to the water. Instead I got the house my grandparents built, an acre of land and a state pond. I read that sentence and it sounds bitter in my head and I should be so grateful. When I am looking out at my yard I always think how beautiful things are and then I nit pick about what needs to be done and the feeling is gone. I wrote on my board that this is my cottage. But I can't manage the flowers and I can't wade in the water. I have no idea why I am finding it so hard to open myself and accept that this is my cottage. LOL now I dream of owning a tiny home on the property next to the creek. I fantasize about what I would sacrifice if I did a true purge, went minimalist. I have even fantasized about living in a senior complex and what I would be allowed to take with me. That is how weighed down I am by the amount of stuff I have. And I am not even a hoarder. I just have a bunch of boxes that need to be gone through and things given a yay or nay for the free boxes. Rooms need to be gone through, closets, cupboards again. I will admit I do enjoy doing through cupboards and stuff because I am always like 'hey I forgot about that' then get it out and put it up to be used. I have boxes that were put up when we moved in and they have been added to. I think I will do FB marketplace and sell some things. I do need the money.

I wonder if my friends would be down for one night a month we play board games. Make them pick a number 0-100 and who ever is closest to what I am thinking gets to pick from my list. I miss playing and I think Jared would be bored. I don't know, maybe I'll see. Means I would have to have my house clean one night a month lmao. now that's stressful to think about lol.

Updated 08-31-2018 at 10:29 AM by houghchrst

Chris is babbling again.


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