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houghchrst

Took my last

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Trintellix yesterday. I have done every other day for the last two weeks and I figure about another month it should be out of my system. I can feel it, I am more energetic, I can cry lol if I feel like it, and I don't feel so much like a lump.

I have been reminded me that one of the main reasons I started this blog was because I wanted to change some things in my life and in order to begin that I want/need to get my house in order. Literally, then in doing so I can expand that to my life. Did I get that right? I feel cluttered. I noticed the other day that I had things tucked into empty spaces that were just filling up room and thought 'oh no I am not going to be one of those people who have every corner of their house filled with stuff that goes some where else'. So I have been staying on top of things. I got away from my initial list of things to do. Dear Lord I have a ways to go to find that lol. My bedroom is the worst, the place I sleep and watch TV and live part time. It is a laundry room and I can't remember the last time I swept. Thank goodness for cats cause they bring all the dust bunnies out from under the bed lol.

I use to have plants, light candles, my shelves of beautiful knick knacks, I would pick a room and clean it during the day. I can't remember that last time I did any deep cleaning. CJ use to come home from work in the evenings and I would be in agony and he would know that I had done cleaning that day and would reprimand me for hurting myself. I believe my pain avoidance has also put things on the back burner. Knowing that what ever I do I will pay for with pain. Also my avoidance to demanding more of Jared. He does very little. His room is also a mess. I am no role model when it comes to something like that. I hate the hassle of getting him to do anything. All those dirty clothes in my bedroom, he could carry to the basement. All the boxes of stuff that need to come out of the basement and go to the trash he and Brandon could help me do. Besides the recent snow there is no reason he could not have gone out and did some things in the yard, he is going to have to help me with the garage and is not going to be very happy about it. My avoidance of those situations is what keeps things from getting done. I guess that because I look at it that it is also work for me even though I am not doing the manual labor it is mentally......hell I can't think of the word....taxing, ha that's it.

So this week I would like to get back to working on my basement. It is in the worst condition right now. Especially since I have holiday bins that need to be tucked back away.

I see doctor Mac next week I am going to ask him about holding off on the Latuda titrating until I quit smoking. I may need that safety net for withdrawals. Then after I am able to get off of a couple of other meds we can start looking to titrate off of it then.

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