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My pain rules

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my life at this moment. I sit here considering going to the ER because I am pretty sure there is something seriously wrong. The pain is radiating up the side of my neck and into my head so I have a constant headache.

Went to the ER here. Pain was just too bad. They did an xray and found nothing thank God. Gave me a shot of morphine which took forever to work and script for Baclofen. I just use my Zanaflex instead as it is stronger and seems to work better. I never thought I would say this but PT has been a Godsend. They are so patient and understanding there. Don't dare tell my insurance though or I may never get another procedure done without it. The trigger point massage is heavenly. Hurts so good kinda deal. Gets me through about 36 hours then I am ready again for anything by that point.

I came across a list while cleaning that I had started that contained all the things I wanted to get done at that point in time and I am quite pleased that at least half of it was done. All my Christmas stuff has been put in the basement. Now that the holidays are over I need to get back to work on my basement. I have so much down there that needs to be thrown away it is kind of taking up room down there. I will have to get my boys to carry it up and out to the road.

My quitting smoking seems to still be work in progress. I had smoked all my bag of tobacco and bought a pack of cigarettes instead. Well then I kept on buying cigarettes which is ridiculous if you are poor. Sooo I bought a bag of tobacco. I don't understand this at all. I want to quit smoking, why does it seem so much harder than last time. It has been a year of false starts and empty self promises. Is it my situation right now. Am I too stressed out? It makes me cry this weakness. This feeeling of wanting something so bad and yet not being able to attain it. It is so important. I want to get off some of these meds but I cannot until I quit smoking. So is going off of psych drugs a mistake until I quit smoking? quitting smoking will allow me to get off of far more meds then just the two psych meds. If I quit smoking I could get off of up to 8 meds. Maybe I should let that be my focus for now instead of getting rid of life line I might need to help me quit smoking...


  1. Earth Mother 2 Angels's Avatar
    ((((((Chris)))))) ~

    I'm so sorry for your pain, and I'm sending you healing prayers. More PT and massages are needed for certain.

    You are making so much progress with cleaning out your home. I maintain that our home is a reflection of ourselves. If there is clutter, messes, unfinished chores, things waiting to be addressed, that's what is happening in our lives. So, when we begin to sort out that clutter, those messes and chores, and we begin to address what is piling up around us, we feel better.

    That's when we have the strength and energy to address our own challenges, such as quitting smoking.

    Keep cleaning up your house, and throwing away stuff you can no longer use or need. It makes you feel good, stronger, and organized. Be proud of yourself for every single goal you accomplish. Step back and look at the neatness, the organization, the fruits of your labor, and be proud of you.

    This is how you build confidence and create an environment, which calms and comforts you.

    Our home is a mess, and no one is allowed in the office, which I used to have so well organized. It reflects our life of pain, challenges, changes, crises, and chaos. But every day, I try to do whatever I'm able to eliminate just a fraction of that chaos, to help me cope with the rest.

    This is what you're doing, and enlisting the assistance of your sons is ideal. It will be decluttering for all of you.

    Stay the course, and you will succeed. I have faith in you, Chris. You're much stronger than you think you are.

    Love & Light,

  2. houghchrst's Avatar
    Rose thank you. YOu always have wonderful things to say and a wonderful way of saying them. Your message brings me back to the original reason I started blogging and reminds me to get back to that. I get distracted by other things that niggle my anxiety and forget or push those things to the side because my mind is all backed up. Then I become stuck. The meds do not help.

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