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houghchrst

I heard this today

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"I started to feel like a broken person and I began to lose all hope." and I felt it. Therefore I am stuck doing nothing. I am broken. I am tired. I am depressed no matter whether I accomplish anything or not. Do I get any satisfaction from completing projects? Yes. But it is short lived because every undone thing comes crashing in. They nag me, "why can't you do this or that". I have important stuff that needs tending to. This car thing is killing me. I am desperate to get out. Peopling is exhausting but a person has to in order to survive emotionally. I am consumed by thoughts of quitting smoking and it is driving me mad. I cry about it, often while I am stuffing a cigarette. I feel like a damn junkie. I am disappointing Jared I know. He is ready for me to quit smoking also. I am going to start addressing that and am setting a quit date of the first. That gives me time to get through the damn holidays. It will also mark my clean and sober date to 20 yrs. I don't know how that works with the MMJ but at least it's not crack. I am tired

Updated 11-22-2019 at 09:57 AM by houghchrst

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Chris is babbling again.

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  1. agate's Avatar
    Hi Chris,
    Congratulations on your upcoming 20-year anniversary--I assume that's to be January 1?

    I hope you don't mind a question about something you may have explained in a post I've missed. Does "peopling" mean dealing with people? I think of dealing with people as something that is often tiring too--and by people I mean real-life people far more than online people. "Peopling" must mean being out and circulating in places where people might be met, or dealing with people over the phone as well? Having visitors, even repair people--any people?
  2. houghchrst's Avatar
    Thank you agate.

    Yes agate you got it. Being out among people is the most taxing. Even having people over is stressful those that aren't friends especially because my house is not in tip top shape. But dealing with people is hard because I have to smile and pretend I am okay. I have very few friends that would come over, like maybe two, the rest always want something and still I smile. Because even to my friends I am a sounding board for their problems. I listen, nod, commiserate, offer advice if asked and they move on. Online people is one of the worst. People are so abusive. I have to FB to try to stay involved in my rescuing and fostering and the backstabbing is incredible there alone. I rarely get visitors, using someone dropping something off LOL.


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