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Kinda early

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this morning. Woke up to pee and found I was wide awake. So I will play for a bit and then probably go back to bed for a while. What the hell, it's Sunday. Been thinking the last couple weekends about going back to church. Wish I had a friend to go with me.

Got my sentence from the club, 90 day suspension. Thanks to Jammie who pled my case for me. God I feel so stupid and of course everybody up there knows so I am sure I will get ragged on for a while. Went yesterday morning to get recertified, met my caregivers there who were covering three other people also. One of the guys was a bit older than me, had been hooked on pain killers for years, has a cage in his back and a couple of removed disks, not to mention a few other things, and he went to a rehab and his doctor mentioned he try MMJ so he was there to give it a shot. Then my caregivers gave me a lecture and asked why I hadn't gone to them. Mostly I thought that if I asked for plants that they would drop me but I just saw plants and all reason flew out the window. I went manic. She decided she had to have one. I feel absolutely devastated about getting the other woman kicked out. They would hear nothing from me about her. She has to plead her own case. I wish I could find her. There is only one other place like the club and she had just came from there to vend at the club. Maybe she went back, I will have to go and see. I owe her a big apology. I feel like I owe everybody an apology. I broke trust.They are of the mind that as a caregiver she knew better. Which is true but I knew better too. Otherwise I wouldn't have had to sneak around. So my caregivers are going to give me two plants to try and grow this summer. Also my caregiver cut me off last week because they had been supporting me for free for a couple of months already and my new card hadn't come from LARA. They hadn't even cashed the money order as of the middle of the week and had no info for me when I called at the beginning of the week, said they had not received an application for me. So it was within 90 days of my renewal so we just went and renewed instead of just changing caregivers. I got home from there and my caregiver change card was in the mail. How inept. They had to have gotten that. It was mailed last December. I have no clue what they are doing but I do know Michigan's Whitmer is doing some changes to help make the processes for applications more streamlined.

Should only have the ferals until next month. Been trying to worm Miss Ripley but she is not being fooled. She can smell it and is refusing to eat. I managed to get maybe half a worm capsule in her by burying a little under the food. Now she won't eat at all. Going to try something new today. I can hear one of them meowing and in all this time I still haven't pin pointed which one. I am beginning to suspect that the one that was being friendlier was not one of the babies, it may have been Louise. She has no problem eating in front of me. She has taken it from my hand but the babies won't. They said she is a bit older than the two babies and I am beginning to suspect she might be the mother. They can get pregnant at four months incredibly enough.

Have been slowly working on my basement, going through boxes, crying over water damaged mementos, I hadn't realized that some things had been left out during the last flood which had been minor in comparison. Art, some from my grandmother in a cardboard box, which reminds me of the hand painted tea cup to a matching saucer in my sewing now foster room that the feral broke during one of her spaz moments, that is heartbreaking. I have so many things, I am kind of getting rid of all of my things that are worth nothing, that I don't use. I have four boxes of cables and wires that go to tvs, games, phone, wifi and a myriad of other things that I have to go through and get rid of duplicates and outdated stuff. Dishes that are beautiful that I collected over the years and have used for holidays. Holidays are just rough on me. It pisses me off to say that, I am only 53 and the holidays are just too painful for me to do dinner. So I will pass some on. I have been setting things out to take pictures off. Am thinking of selling the stuff as a lot. Take pictures of everything and stick a price on it. Some flea market person will probably pick it up. Hell spring is here maybe I should sell it.


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